Friday, September 30, 2005

phew, I am sleepy

I am so tired, I think I have been drinking to much soda lately and it is starting to make me feel funky. I have been super busy working on projects. I finally put all stuff aside to work on a layout for myself, I have been feeling like my work stinks lately and this was the only way I could let it out lol, I think I am happy with this layout, won't know until I am done though, which should be tonight. I also received my WSD October kit yesterday, so I can NOT WAIT to create with that, I even went to paper cottage (a lss) to get some white bazzill and saw some halloween paper that I just HAD TO HAVE! I can't wait to get started! I also had to pick up the NOV issue of CK since it is the first time I was published with CK ;) so excited! And the layout in it is one of MY FAVORITES! of course I used Chatterbox lol ;)

Well I had some DRAMA with the lady down stairs FINALLY yesterday, it was super bad, lots of words said back and forth, but later we talked it out. Okay well I have to go, sorry for the short entry I have a mountain of clothes to fold and then need to get back to work. TTYL =)

Nikki

Friday, September 23, 2005

Reminder...

Here is a reminder (Miranda) for those of you who thought about trying out for the MUSE contest, YOU still have time so please please please send those emails in :) Here you go....

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Are you the next Muse for Wendi Speciale Designs?

We want to see your work!

Contest runs from August 16th, 2005 through September 29th, 2005. The new muse (winner!) will be announced on October 1st. (wendi's birthday...and she wants to announce the new muse as her gift!)

Contest will be judged by current Muses for Wendi Speciale Designs, including owners Sunday Vidal and Wendi Speciale. Winner will be judged on creativity, originality and passion for paper arts. You are not required to use wendi speciale designs stamps on your projects, but it would be nice to see how you use our products!

To enter, e-mail five scanned images of paper arts projects you have created (scrapbooking layouts, collage, paper arts, altered items...) to
Wendi Speciale and Sunday Vidal. (wendi@wendispeciale.com). In addition, in your email we want to know a little bit about you...what do you want from this experience?

What you will get: A free kit from wendi speciale designs every other month, design team "scoop" and recognition, ability to request stamps for assigned publication projects, and being part of a wonderful, creative and extremely positive team.

Below is a general outline of requirements for Muses: (term is for six months)
• Assignments must be completed on schedule.
• Muses must be visible and active within the wendi speciale designs message boards. (Starting and replying to threads so that you are able to help us out with making sure the boards are moving.)
• Each muse is required to attend at least one celebrity chat a month.
• Muses will be asked to vote for contests offered by wendi speciale designs
• Stay in contact and share team questions/issues with our Muse Mother (Team Leader) Debbie VanMarter
• Promotion of Wendi Speciale Designs (tell a friend if you will!

We look forward to seeing your work!

So come on ladies lol lets get those emails in =)

Nikki

Foot in mouth

Oh gosh am I having one BAD week! It's one of those weeks where you just wanna dig a hole and bury yourself in the sand, or lay in bed with the covers over your head. I am so depressed right now, it is taking every ounce of my being to not cry! It's there, oh believe me it is there and ready to burst like a valcano! I told myself an hour ago to just turn the darn computer off and scrapbook, or carpet clean, something else besides sit here and talk, chat or read! Something inside was just telling me to get off, back away, do something else, but did I listen? NOPE, I never do and then I get myself wrapped up in some deep POO! Not only have I put my foot in my mouth twice today but I have manage to piss a few people off without knowing what the heck I did wrong! I just know now I am being ignored! Why do I let things bother me so much? Why should I care if suzy que or buzzooka Joe don't like me? Stupid me but I do! It hurts the heck out of me! I put myself out there for everyone to see, I tried to do things for others, I have a huge heart, I always want the best for people, so why when I give nothing but my best (the best of me) to people do they then have to turn around and treat me so mean? My gosh why do I even care? I feel like screaming, like crying, like climbing in bed the rest of the day, just to get away

=(

Thursday, September 22, 2005

silver lining

I was checking the pub out tonight and saw a post about the top 39 entries for the AF DT were getting emails tonight, so I of course ran, skipped, and jump all the way to my email LOL. I looked in my inbox, nothing, I then had a sunken feeling, this really was going to be the end of the world lol, then I peeked over to see if my junk folder had anything ( this is the folder that emails that have never been in my inbox go straight to), GUESS what was in there :) An email from alannah from Arctic Frog! I right away moved it into my inbox, by doing so if I EVER get another email (a girl could hope right ;) from her it would now go straight to my inbox =)

I was so excited! The email said "If you're getting this email, you were one of the 39 that I'd narrowed it down to after two rounds but had a hard time getting the group narrowed down any further, You guys have truely created some of the most innovative and creative things with my product that I've ever seen. It was just impossible for me to take any more than 10 people onto the team at this time but I hope in the future that if I have a need for good pages or projects you won't mind if I drop you an email to see if it's still available for use or if you'd like to create something similar for an assignment."

HOW sweet was that of her to do this! I can tell you right now that I feel so much better! Yes I am totally bummed that I did not make it but at least I know my work did not stink as much as I thought it did (blush) =(, I really need to learn to stop being so hard on myself! I was even not so nice to my husband tonight and for that I am ashamed! He called right when I was reading not making the team and I was kinda snappy, however he did call back a couple hours later when I was calmed down and said he thought I was being so funny and cute, like a little pouty girl lol.

I thought I would pop on and update about this awesome email and what a great person Alannah is for email all of us to let us know! She ROCKS!

Nikki


oh and it is 9:30pm 30 minutes past the no noise rule in our apartment building and the woman downstairs is playing loud music, here I was forcing the boys to be quite back here and she is playing loud music =\

POOPIE! =(

First I just wanted to say I am so happy and proud of my friends who made it on the AF DT, you all did amazing work!!!

now on to my self pity =)

Well I just went to Peas to sit and wait and see if the AF DT calls have started and found out they came and went while I was dealing with this mornings DRAMA. I am a loser! lol loser= "I did not make the team". So on comes the why was I not good enough phase. Well I should have known better since all my layouts and projects I sent in hardly got any Praise when I posted in the gallery, but I still held on to something, hope I guess, I should have just blocked it out of my mind, because maybe I would not be doubting myself right now. Now I am sitting here wondering do I deserve even being on the teams I am on now? My recent work, is it good or does it stink? Am I letting people down that I work for? I sit here and spend hours and hours on ONE layout! it takes me ALL day to do one, sometimes when I look at a layout I have just done I think WHY? on earth did this simple looking thing take me hours to make? I am embarressed now :( I don't know why I am beating myself up about this so much, is my work to much? To plain? to shabby? UGLY? Not hip enough? What is wrong with me? Well I tried my hardest and failed, I guess it was just not meant to be for me! I doubt I even made it in to the 39 or so that they were picking from, I bet I was the first to be drafted, okay you may think I am acting childish now, I totally agree, I am hurt :(, I feel like I have failed, I am sure I will feel better tomorrow, but for now I just want to wallow in my self pity. One thing I am very proud about with my entries is that I stayed true to ME, My scrapbooking, I have always said that journaling is the number one thing I LOVE about scrapbooking, and I used it on every layout I made, so even though my layouts did not help me make the team, they did help me get apart of our lives done for our books. Okay see I am already feeling a little better, and have started to thanks to Mely! I am chatting with her in AIM and she has been great! Thanks Girlie! I am so glad you are one of my good friends! You always know how to make me laugh! Now go read that last IM too, I want those 4 pictures of Princess Dani to scrap book, I NEED to scrap a girl lol ;)

Okay Self Pity party is over ;) Thanks for listening to me whine a little ;)

thinking good thoughts.....My boys......puppies......bunnies......mmmm john mayers yummy Lips..... =)

New plan

I woke up late this morning, around 9:30am from the phone ringing but no one was there. So I got up got Aidan so breakfast, talk to Dustin for awhile, at around 10am I decided to POP my "Walk away the pounds" DVD, Aidan is right there doing it along with me when we heard/feel it, the assholes (sorry blush, I am VERY pissed off about this) down stairs start pounding on the ceiling. FINALLY Dustin is there to hear it to. I was soooooo pissed off! WHY THE HELL is she pounding on the floor/ceiling? It is 10am for heavens sakes! So what do I do??? I call the front office and talk to the manager, I told her what happened (the jerks downstairs are lucky I do not complain everytime they are up fighting at 3am and making all kinds of noise! Like yesturday at 5pm they had a HUGE fight, it was so loud I could hear their words they spoke. I tell her I think it was the man and she tells me well there is not suppose to be a man there, he is not on the lease (shock! really? well there IS a very large man who lives there, he is there everyday and night, and between the man and the woman they have a car and two trucks in the car port!) so the manager says she is gonna go tell her something (I think, thankgoodness!!!) well 10 minutes later I am back to working out and hear a knock at the door, through the peep hole I see that it's the manager, so I open the door and let her in side. She told me that the lady is claiming her and her kids are sick and they are trying to sleep, I said well it is 10am how are we suppose to know that and second so because she does not feel well we have to not go about our normal days? she agreed with me and said I am sure if she was not up all hours of the night then she would not be tired and claiming she is sick! I agreed! The manager wanted to stay a while longer to watch me work out to see if the lady down stairs would do it again, I sai I was doing it in our bedroom and Dustin was in there laying down, she then told me you know the apartment rec house has a Gym that I can work out there to, I said yes I know I am just a little uneasy about working out in front of people lol, she said don't be and that is when aidan comes running around the living room naked (shock) he is potty training so he will not keep his diaper on, so I covered him in a blanket and told her he was potty training LOL, THEN to my HORROR! Austin pulls his blanket off of himself, he was SUPPOSE to have his underwear on, but was nude too LMBO The lady laughed so hard and said he's naked too, I bet you anything my face was as white as a ghost, I quickly said good bye to her and said how sorry I was lol told her how we had to start taping aidans diapers on when he is not training or he will keep taking them off, and as for Austin he is just a nudest lol, everytime we get home he strips off his clothes, we have to bribe him with M&M's to keep his clothes on LOL =) she said believe me I understand, that's just BOYS for yeah and that she has two of her own so she knows. We laughed.

After she left I decided to get ready to go down to the apartment Gym, I should just give it a try =) right when I got my water, mags, and bag together I hear another knock, I thought this time it would be the lady from down stairs, nope it was the manager again, she had this cute little wheelbarrow wooden holder and inside was M&M's she said she forgot to bring it earlier, I thanked her and said that was so sweet. I then said I would walk with her back to the office because I was going to give the GYM a try. She said great. on our way there I said I was sorry I keep calling about the people down stairs, but I just think it is nuts that the woman was flipping out this morning about me working out at 10am LOL she agreed! She said that I should not be surprised if that woman chews me out when I see her though, and if she does then to let her know and she will take care of it, that I was NOT in the wrong by calling, and she made a comment that lead me to believe that I am not the only person in our building who has complained about this woman. Believe me I feel so bad that I have to complain, but I think it is freakin crazy to pound on walls, floors and ceilings if you have a problem, had she come to my door and said look, I know it's 10am, but we are all sick down stairs and wondered if you could keep it down, then I would have stopped working out and made sure every one in my apartment went on with their day a little more quitely. But nope the BEYOCH got Royal TUDE!

Anyways, the manager gave me a key to the Gym room so I can go anytime I want too YAY. so I am going to try and go early every morning. It was so cool inside! It had mirrors everywhere, lol so I could see all my flabby flab when I work out ;), it has a TV and DVD/VCR so if I wanted to bring my DVD I could work out in there =), It had such a COOL Treadmill, sooooo much better then mine lol, it even had a built in fan, it had weights, a bike machine, a ball, jumprope,and one of those weight machines the kind that you can work out theighs, arms, legs, back, etc (forgot the name). So I did 24 minutes on the treadmill doing a one mile walk at 2.5-3.0 speeds, I did 2 miles on the bike for about 7 minutes and 18mph, and I did 10 minutes doing the all weight machine on my arms. It was AWESOME! And the cooooool thing is this room is FREE! Comes FREE with paying our rent LOL. That is so awesome! So gosh I hope I can keep this up and go everyday! Work out for an hour each day. I feel good today too (energy wise).

Okay well I better get back to the eBay kits I am working on. I hope you all are having a great day! Thanks for letting me vent today and sooooo sorry about all the cursing today, I was just VERY POed! We all have those days right? =) (blush)

Nikki

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

BUSY BUSY BUSY

So sorry I have'nt updated this week. I have been so busy! We have been taking the boys out more, park etc, I have been walking alot more now to, need to lose some more pounds. So far since March (if you have followed my blog I have lost 33lbs. I have a few more to go though, so I am stepping it up. I really should be giving up my Soda now but GOSH it's just to hard!

Saturday Dustin surprised us (well he has been talking about this THING, all week but would not tell us what it was) with a Trip to mountain home to the airbase for an Air show! It was awesome! We all had such a great time! I took pictures of the airplanes the boys in them, oooooo and we all got to sit in a Black Hawk, it was AWESOME! They did this show with the planes that showed us what it would have been like if we were in a war, there were guns going off (you could feel them hitting the ground yards away, through your feet "vibrations") and there was this HUGE, HUGE, HUGE Bomb that went off far away there was fire everywhere and as we saw the long row of fire you could feel the heat and it was so far away, it was very scary thinking that was what it is like in the middle of a war.

I have been working hard this week on projects for DT's. I just finished my Projects for Moments Defined, I got word tonight that the DT members can share some of their work this weekend in an online gallery =) so I will make sure to share with ya'll. I am loving this paper! The colors are amazing! lol that is all I am gonna say =). Okay I need to finish Dinner, Dustin just called and said he is on his way home from work and I need to go read Pink is the new blog =) wonder if there is any new Britney "baby" updates, I LOVE my celeb gossip ;) Have a good night Ya'll!

Nikki

PS- I am sooooooooooooooo flippin nervous! I applied to the Arctic Frog DT and am so nervous! The calls should be going out soon, last we heard the 200 hundred entries was narrowed down to like 39 or something like that, I wonder by some small chance I could be on of those? I should not get my hopes up, when I do it's like I jinx myself. OOOOOOO One more thing Did you guys see the new line of stamps at Wendi Speciale Designs? OMGOSH you have too! They are awesome!!!! It is a new Tattoo inspired line, and I am so LOVIN them! Can't wait to get my hands on some of those!

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Wednesday, September 14, 2005

A little sleepy today :) BB6 Spoliers

Yet another late night up watching the Big Brother Live feeds, I LOVE these things lol ,Thanks again Mely ;) well I watched the three girls on the spinning safe for 4 hours

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Janelle was the first off :( then Maggie :( which means Ivette won. She won the combo to the safe and her gift was in the backyard. So this means Ivette is safe until Friday and whoever wins today (Maggie or Janelle) will battle Ivette on Friday for the LAST HOH. I am sooooo sad that this game is almost over! :( I have enjoyed it so much! It's been The best so far "Summer of Secrets".

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(Photos from BBUs.com) I downloaded a capture program so hopefully I will be able to get some pictures of my own to post here in the next day or so. Maybe soon when the next Comp starts :)

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GUESS what??? Wendi posted the October kit at Wendi Speciale Designs and I am INLOVE! And am so happy I get the October kit WOOHOO I can not wait to get this! If you all know me you know that Fall/October/Halloween is my favorite time of year. I Love fall because of the smells, the colors and the all out HAPPY feeling I get this time of year, October because it's my Birthday ;) (yikes 27, I'm getting older yikes yikes yikes), Halloween has ALWAYS been my favorite holiday, would wound not love a holiday where you get to dress up and pretend to be something awesome or amazing, or scary LOL. Anyways here is the October kit and the AWESOME Box it will come in, it ROCKS!

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okay well I need to get back to my day ;) I am cleaning off my bookcase, moving all my scrapmagazines somewhere else to make room for more books, I LOVE reading :) I also plan to finish my entry for the Arctic frog DT, Crossing fingers :) Have a wonderful day!

Nikki

Monday, September 12, 2005

exhale

I am so tired this morning, those darn Big Brother live feeds had me up late last night lol, the girls were being so funny I could not look away. First Janelle and April were outside at 10pm playing vollyball and goofing around, Janelle kept farting and then April started, so they were both laughing REALLY hard, all of a sudden Janelle looks shocked, grabs a towel from a chair and runs into the house saying she thinks she went in her pants, so April goes into the room with Maggie and Ivette and tells them Janelle just "Sharded" (shit fart). I was cracking up so hard, this girls were so funny. Later Janelle comes back and says she actually peed her pants from laughing so hard LMBO Also later that night Maggie and April were playing around with the people (BB) who do all the behind the scenes stuff, it was so funny, BB would talk to them or answer their questions with beep noises. They also could hear the woman who walks around with high heels on and they were calling her, stelitos or jimmy chos LOL. And BB was doing this to scare them like calling their names in a scary voice, it was so funny, even Dustin was laughing (he was next to me looking up a couple schools he is thinking about maybe going to, he wants to take a couple classes) I finally went to bed at maybe 2:30 am ( blushing smily, could not pull myself away from those house guest lol, and I found out this morning that they were up until 4am lol)

So I am pretty tired today and thinking about taking a nap. I did clean the house, do some laundry and walk 2.72 miles so far today, I got on the treadmill earlier, I plan to get on again later this afternoon, I need to start keeping up with it! I have also been drinking alot more water YAY. I switched for a while from my all time favorite "Aquafina" to "Dasani" which taste really good too, nice a crisp. well I think I am going to go cuddle in bed with my book and maybe take a nap, I need to get some page kits for ebay done tonight, I am hoping they sell :( my last one I did bombed big time! :( I don't know what to do, until I get a call back from the jobs I turned apps into or an interview eBay is my only income coming in and if it does not come in we are pretty much Screwed! ( I am getting scared!

TTYL

~N~

PS- Miranda did you see the song I put up ;) lol remind you of two years ago (sept 2003) when we use to stay up late and listen to this, chat and work on layouts ;) YUMMY YUMMY John Mayer and his Yummy Yummy Lips ;)

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Mommy Morning Kisses

I slept in a little this morning and was awoken yet another morning by my son Aidan and his Mommy Morning Kissies :) he likes to climb into my bed and say "good morning mommy" and kiss my cheeks and lips until I wake up to say good morning to him lol, it's so cute. He has been potty training lately, Can you believe that! he JUST turned two! I think because he sees Austin doing it that he copies, so he goes the day with no diaper and it is kinda annoying lol, because he says he has to "go pee in toliet" every 5 minutes so I am getting a workout out of that and he has ruined about 6 rolls of toliet paper getting them soggy from throwing them into the toliet lol.

Well I was up late last night finishing up my DT stuff for Little Red scrapbook, I LOVED working with the Arctic Frog, I've always been a fan and have used AF papers alot. I have also had my Big Brother 6 live feeds on the past couple days all day so I can "hear" what is going on and said lol and every once in a while I will look over to see whats going on lol. I am soooooooooooooo Hoping Janelle wins the money in the end! She has played the game so well. I think April in going home on Tuesday. You would not BELIEVE what Ivette was saying about Janelle when Janey got americas choice, it was REALLY BAD! That girl has one heck of a mouth on her, just a few weeks ago she was telling the friendship not to talk about people that she had had enough of hearing it and now that it is down to the final 4 she is really getting mean, I feel bad for Janelle and her family, it was pretty bad! I missed last nights show, but not on purpose, I tried but some STUPID football game was on instead :( I was so mad! I need to get our cable back (we shut it off a couple months ago because it was just to expensive and not in the budget).

Speaking of budget, I am so sad :( I have a page kit ending again today and it's the second time I had to list it :( I guess it sucks and no one likes it :( Sad thing is I worked on that during vactaion and really loved the kit, maybe I should stop making paper piecings and just do a full elements page kit no paper piecing, they really seem to be out now, which sucks because it's something I am very good at!

Okay well I need to go take pictures of my DT stuff and then get started on some WSD DT stuff, Hope you all have a wonderful Sunday!

Nikki

Tuesday, September 6, 2005

Up and at'em

I got up around 9 this morning, YAY I got to sleep in a bit, the boys had a video on and Dustin and I slept a little longer (him more so then me). I put a page kit up on ebay yesterday, and so far no bids :( I usually have a bid by now, The kit must stink, sad thing is I am half done making a matching boy one (pping is winne the pooh and Chris Robins).I hope my two weeks vacation did not mess up my Ebay vibe. The page kit does have 6 watchers but that means nothing, sadly my kits seem to get many watchers, but never anymore bidders, I have no clue what I am doing wrong now? Wish I knew.

I have most of the apartment clean now YAY, it's been a busy morning, Dustin finally got up at 11:00 and is now making breakfast for everyone. I decided to just have an apple, stinking to trying to lose more weigh, since March I have lost 30 pounds and I need to really start stepping it up again, I have alot more to go until I am finally happy with myself. Crossing fingers.

I am sorting through a ton of our VHS movies today, we are going to take them to Hastings and trade them in for some extra cash, I am also turning in my app for Moxie Jova, it is the only job I think would work for me and us right now, see I have to find a job that I can work early in the mornings, I have to be off by 10am- 11am in order for Dustin to go to work, his boss at Costco said I should come fill out an App for Costco anf work the 4am-10am seasonal stocking shift (items in the middle of the store, clothes, books, video games, computer stuff etc).

Okay well I better get going lots to still do today, Hope you all have a great day!

Nikki


Update- (4:25pm)
We just got back from walking the boys a few blocks away to Liberty Park. Oh our way we saw a couple town house for sale, they were so nice, they had a yard in the front and back of each of them. Not sure how much one of those would cost? I wish we could have our own place already, hoping one day soon in the near future we will, It's one of my dreams for our family. Dustin and Aidan came right home to take a nap, Austin is playing video games, and before I start work I was thinking of making a bowel of Lucky Charms, I am a bit hungry now, and feeling a little down in the dumps for some reason today :( , hope it passes quickly...

~N~

Sunday, September 4, 2005

Life lessons

My day started out at 6:30am with a very strange dream. See this past Feb My cousin died, he was only in his early 20's and has a small son he left behind. My dream was about him. I dreamt that my sister and I went back in time to when this cousin was about 12 he was with his dog (who is now also dead), I remember us telling him that he needed to remember not to do what he did to get himself killed, we begged and pleaded with him, I remember his smile so clear in my dream, I remember his voice. As my sister and I each grabbed ahold of one of his arms to try and drag him back to our future, I awoke from my dream, I felt so sad and at the same time spooked by this dream. I then heard our female cat chloe in the front bathroom, moaning really loud. She sounded so angry, I just thought our other cat Ben was messing with her. About an hour went by, I was cleaning around the house and passed the bathroom door and heard he start up again. So I opened the door to find and tiny little fur ball next to her. She gave birth to one of her babies, it was mostly white with a small amount of orange on it, I was so excited I called Dustin into the bathroom to say that it was time. I then pulled out some towels and layed them out in the large tub so Chloe could feel comfy and it would be warm for the kittens to come. I sat with her for a while. I could hear her heavy panting, almost purr like. after about an hour I decided to come into the office and look up Cat labor and birthing (I did this too when we first found out she was PG). I found out lots of things (this was our first time ever having a pregnant cat).

I sat and waited another hour and went to check on her, still no babies, a website I visited said it could be anywheres from 10 minutes to two hours and sometimes labor can last all day, well a couple hours later I went back in, and saw a baby kitten in it's sack, she was licking it and broke it open, I thought to myself awwww look it's a black and white one (our cats are both persian (100%) one (chloe) is black, orange and white and the other (ben) is orange and white), I then noticed it was not moving :( I picked it up in which it's little face turned to me, it's tounge was out of it's mouth and it was not breathing, it was so cold, it was dead :( I sat there with this baby kitten in my hands and cried. I also read that persians have the hardest time giving birth and alot of the times there will be a couple born still born :(

Well about 10 minutes after this kitten was born still born, chloe started standing and pushing, out popped another sack, this kitten was black and white also, I was right there with chloe as she popped the sack opened, I noticed this kitten was not moving either :( it was also born still born :(

By now I am a HUGE puddle of tears and just for the life of me and praying that if there are anymore kittens that please God let them live! Well about 10 minutes later another sack came out, I looked at it and was telling chloe to hurry up and get it opened, and sure enough this one was moving all around YAY! I was so excited! This one was alot smaller then the first three, and it looks just like it's daddy, orange with white. So that was it, the last one, She had a total of 4 kittens. I held the second (still born) kitten in my hands, for some reason I just could not believe it was gone :( , I rubbed it to see if I could keep it warm, I opened it's mouth and blew air into it, nothing :( when I was a young child I remember playing in my aunts back yard with some of my cousins, I remember one of my male cousins messing with rollie pollies and ants, he would play with them so much theywould stop moving, I thought they were dead, I remember picking them up, them being lifeless, I would blow on them a couple times and they would start to move again and crawl around my hand. I thought WOW! I most have super powers like SHERA because I brought it back to life. NO I did not think I could do this now, but I did try everything I could to see if I could get it back, nothing, so there I sat like a big baby and wept, I sobbed for a half hour, I sobbed for the kittens that never had a chance to breathe to feel life and air rush into their lungs, to breathe in that first breath, I sobbed for the mother, I myself am a mother and know that if this happened to me I would die inside! I covered those two babies up and hide them from my children, of course chloe at some point un covered them because when Austin and I went back in later to see the live kittens he also saw those :(

Dustin then said we should explain it to him. So thus began the talk about death, god and what happens. I did my best to explain that we are all created by God, and when we die we go to heaven (I am Catholic, not a practicing one but I do pray and do believe, just don't got to church often), I explained what My thoughts were on this, I said these kittens were not strong enough to live and they are now with God. Of course my 4 year old then asked if he could go to our Creator tomorrow and ask for these kittens back :( I then had to explain to him that you go to God when you die, to heaven, I did say that he could talk and pray to God and that God would hear him, that he could say a prayer for the kittens and God would make sure they got it. I pointed up to the sky and said I believe heaven is way way up there, it's a place where your spirit flies when you die, I then explained what a spirit is. After we left the bathroom and this discussion, he came into my room where I was laying on my bed, thinking about all that happened today and spoke to me once again about his trip he wants to take in his rocket to the cheese planet :) he made me laugh and I could not help but to pick him up and cuddle him! I thanked God for giving him to me, my first born!

So anyways that was my day, I did get the house clean and I did work on EBAY stuff :) Here's hoping tomorrow is less eventful!

Saturday, September 3, 2005

I'm Back :)

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YAY, It is so good to be back home (although I do miss California again!). So I had Dustin take the above picture this morning of me so I can use it for a DT picture. I hope it is okay, I hate taking pictures!

Boy have I missed my blog! I took my computer with me to CA because I thought I would be working a bunch there but MIL did not have a free phone jack for me to hook it up so I ended up using her computer for the things I did use and it was limited time in the mornings. The last week of our vacation I could not even get on because we were all just to busy. Okay lets see, well we left here Friday Aug 19th, it took us about 10 hours (my dh is a speed demon) to get to San Jose (CA). We went straight to bed that morning and the boys spent time with their grandma (bubba karen as they like to call her lol). After we got up we all went swimming in her pool. You guys this pool is amazing! I remember when they were building it (I was PG with Austin) it is a darker color blue, it has blue marbled mini tiles all around the border of the inside of the pool, it is shaped differently, it has a built in water fall that spits out 90* water (soooooo nice) and it is surrounded by LOTS of plants and trees so to me it reminds me on a lagune in the middle of the rainforest lol. We spent ALOT of time this whole vacation in that pool! Man I missed swimming and WHOA what a workout! I was starving and ready to eat a horse (not really eat a horse YUCK, just a figure of speech lol) when I got out of that pool everyday LOL. We did that for the next few days, Dustin went out with friends on tuesday and I stayed home to watch big brother lol and work on a kit for ebay. Wednesday we did not do much but swim, Thursday was my parents Wedding! The wedding was amazing! We got there early and helpped my dad and mom put up decorations, my mom was so nervous! But she looked so happy! My dad went to pick up my sister from the airport. It was so nice to see her again! I have truly missed her and am so proud of her and how she has changed er life around!

Soon lots of family arrived. It was only suppose to be a few of us but more people showed up :) It was so great to see everyone. I got pictures with my grandparents and some of the boys with my grandma. Our family friend and Chiropracter TJ (Thomas Jefferson) Osbourne (sooooooo handsome!!!!) married my parents. I remember watching my mom and dad standing there looking at eachother, tears in there eyes and even before they devoted themselves to eachother they cried. I remember the feeling I had, WOW! Their love is so true, so heart warming. It was such a wonderful wedding and day. After that we hung out for a while. My parents said they were treating everyone who wanted to come to dinner at "BABES" Sports bar (a hang out my parents love to go to and dance and have fun) It was so much fun going. Dustin and I played Pool, it was fun!

Friday night, Aug 26, we went camping at the KOA in santa cruz for the whole weekend. We love camping! We set up our tent on the site we shared with MIL and her tent trailer. MIL and julia as brought a laptop so every night we did movie night lol, we set it up with the LARGE laptop screen and big speakers, we watched shrek 2, winn dixie and the second night we watched Ring 2 which got the teenage guys from the site next to ours to pull up their chairs and watch with us all LOL. We roasted marshmellows, eat great up there lol, swam in the pool there, they had an awesome HUGE hot tub and they also had a mini golf land there. Saturday we went to the beach for the day (Sunset beach) we all got so sunburnt there. I made sure to take lots of pictures since the beach is one of our family traditions. The boys built some awesome sandcastles and I read my book most of the day (in fact I read the whole camping trip lol, it's a good book to, by Dean Koontz called "PHANTOMS").

We headed back to MIL's Sunday night. When we got home, Dustin and I decided we wanted to go on a date to the movies (first one in over a year and dumb me forgot the GC to chevys resturant here in Idaho so food was out lol) We went to see "Wedding Crashers" at the AMC movies. That movie was the best! SO FUNNY! I cried it was so funny! It was a great time and I was glad I got to spend that time with Dustin!

Monday we swam most of the day, we went to have dinner at my folks house that night. My dad had to go out of town for work (to SAC town) so it was just my mom. I knew this night would be very emotional for the two of us. I can not tell you how much I have missed my mother this past year we have lived in ID! We decided (dustin did lol, I wanted mexican "albertos") on Juicy burgers. So we all ate and then headed to the backyard for the boys to play. Austin was a pill and kept crying to go back to bubba karens house, finally he fell asleep. Aidan played with the water house and mini rocks my folks have in the back yard. We all sat out there talking about live and everything. It was great seeing my mom. Dustin stayed outside with aidan and my mom went to talk on the phone with my aunt so this gave me a perfect time to be alone (well minus my sleeping 4 yearold lol) to just sit in my moms room and cry. I sat there thinking about my life before, in this house, but most of all my mom. I went over to one of her dressers, she loves little nic naks and has them all about her room. I picked up this beautiful tea kettle that had flowers on the outside and little mice dabcing in the inside, I flipped it over and turned it on (it was a music box) I set it down and just listened. I use to do this all the time as a child with the nic nacs my mom had while I was growing up, I then took out my camera and took a picture of this dresser, WHY? Because this is my mom (well a part of her) this is who she is and I want to scrapbook it to remember how I felt about this and my mom. I then got super emotional and headed to her bed. I lay on top of her pillows and cried a good cry. I remember growing up in this house, I remembered my sister and I fighting from young children all the way to adult hood (18 in highschool) fighting over who was gonna sleep that night with mom, lol yes Grown girls in highschool fighting over this! It was only one day a week we would ask to sleep next to her in her room, my mom rasied us on her own until we were in our teens (well me, I am 4 1/2 years older then my sis) we have such a tight bond with our mother now. For the longest time in our childhood we had to share a room with our mother so we all slept in the same bed, and we were use to it, being with our mom. When my parents bought the house we all got our own rooms. And so the fighting between my sis and I began lol. It was getting late so we decided it was time to go, I hate this part so much, I am way to much of an emotional person and hate goodbyes. So we sad our goodbyes and I did very good. We got out to the car and guess what? Dustin left Aidans sippy cup in the fridge, YIKES, so I had to go back. I got to the door and felt the emotions rising, and then she opened the door. There she was my mother, crying so hard, just short of a sob, and then I began! We hugged and she told me I was not suppose to see her this way, I said I know, told her about the cup. I stood there for maybe 5 minutes just hugging my mother not wanting the moment to end! I have missed her so much and have had many moments here in ID where I wish she was close so I could talk to her, moving here has been great but GOSH do I miss my family like crazy! That has been the hardest thing for me! So I said goodbye for the second time and we left back to MIL'S for some packing and more goodbyes :(

Tuesday morning we got everything loaded back into the car and said our good byes to MIL, Peggy, Julia and Kate. Austin did very good, I thought for sure we would be hearing LOTS of crying for the first 3 hours of car ride to Russells house (BIL). On our way home it was decided that we would stop in at BIL's to visit with him and his family. MIL got us a hotel room 5 minutes from their house so we could have a place to rest before the super long car ride home. That was a great visit! Dustin had fun visiting his brother and I had fun talking to the kids and Marijane. We left for home on wednesday afternoon (5pm). We stopped at froster freeze (like their milkshakes) for a bite to eat and ht the road. It was so beautiful the first couple hours, all the trees and the breeze that went through the car. I truly miss California! We stopped at a Truck stop outside of Reno, and D said he was only going to sleep an hour, we ended up sleeping until 4am (yikes because Dustin had to be at work at 2pm), I drove about 2 hours and then we stopped at a gas station to fill the car up, While dustin was in the store he played the slot machine LOL and won a couple bucks, of course he emptied his winnings back into it lol. When we got to Winnamucca I decided to grab 4 quarters from the money tray and go potty then play the machines, my first time ever ( I have played a slot machine at my moms neighbors house on thanksgiving growning up (block party) but that is not the same. I put the first 2 quarters in, nothing, then when I put the 3rd in It started dinging, so I pressed the button where you choose to get the money you won, 40 quarters came popping out!!!!! I was shocked! lol WOOOHOOOO I won, may not have been to much but it was great, I of course put a bunch back into the machines LOL, so in all I can say my $1.00 I went in actually made us $4.00 when I was done playing lol so I did leave there with more money then I went in with. I put it all back into the change tray so D could use it it get snacks at work if he wants. I can tell you right now that we are gonna have so much fun in Oct, in Vegas! I am already starting to save the silver change in the house LOL ;)

Anyways we got home Thursday afternoon and just in time for my poor DH to go to work. I was so tired, I unpacked and went to bed! Friday I went out to put some apps in at places. I decided I want a parttime job a couple days a week just to get out of the house every once in a while. I have decided to make a bunch of new changes in which I really like! I have now made it through about half of my emails (there were so MANY!100'S) and am slowly getting settled back in. Today I got up early, showered and went back out for apps, I got one from Moxie Java, it looks like a great place! Now I am just popping on to get a little caught up and then need to get back to my page kits I have spread out and working on in the kitchen on the bar. It's great to be back! I have missed my blog :)