Sunday, September 4, 2005

Life lessons

My day started out at 6:30am with a very strange dream. See this past Feb My cousin died, he was only in his early 20's and has a small son he left behind. My dream was about him. I dreamt that my sister and I went back in time to when this cousin was about 12 he was with his dog (who is now also dead), I remember us telling him that he needed to remember not to do what he did to get himself killed, we begged and pleaded with him, I remember his smile so clear in my dream, I remember his voice. As my sister and I each grabbed ahold of one of his arms to try and drag him back to our future, I awoke from my dream, I felt so sad and at the same time spooked by this dream. I then heard our female cat chloe in the front bathroom, moaning really loud. She sounded so angry, I just thought our other cat Ben was messing with her. About an hour went by, I was cleaning around the house and passed the bathroom door and heard he start up again. So I opened the door to find and tiny little fur ball next to her. She gave birth to one of her babies, it was mostly white with a small amount of orange on it, I was so excited I called Dustin into the bathroom to say that it was time. I then pulled out some towels and layed them out in the large tub so Chloe could feel comfy and it would be warm for the kittens to come. I sat with her for a while. I could hear her heavy panting, almost purr like. after about an hour I decided to come into the office and look up Cat labor and birthing (I did this too when we first found out she was PG). I found out lots of things (this was our first time ever having a pregnant cat).

I sat and waited another hour and went to check on her, still no babies, a website I visited said it could be anywheres from 10 minutes to two hours and sometimes labor can last all day, well a couple hours later I went back in, and saw a baby kitten in it's sack, she was licking it and broke it open, I thought to myself awwww look it's a black and white one (our cats are both persian (100%) one (chloe) is black, orange and white and the other (ben) is orange and white), I then noticed it was not moving :( I picked it up in which it's little face turned to me, it's tounge was out of it's mouth and it was not breathing, it was so cold, it was dead :( I sat there with this baby kitten in my hands and cried. I also read that persians have the hardest time giving birth and alot of the times there will be a couple born still born :(

Well about 10 minutes after this kitten was born still born, chloe started standing and pushing, out popped another sack, this kitten was black and white also, I was right there with chloe as she popped the sack opened, I noticed this kitten was not moving either :( it was also born still born :(

By now I am a HUGE puddle of tears and just for the life of me and praying that if there are anymore kittens that please God let them live! Well about 10 minutes later another sack came out, I looked at it and was telling chloe to hurry up and get it opened, and sure enough this one was moving all around YAY! I was so excited! This one was alot smaller then the first three, and it looks just like it's daddy, orange with white. So that was it, the last one, She had a total of 4 kittens. I held the second (still born) kitten in my hands, for some reason I just could not believe it was gone :( , I rubbed it to see if I could keep it warm, I opened it's mouth and blew air into it, nothing :( when I was a young child I remember playing in my aunts back yard with some of my cousins, I remember one of my male cousins messing with rollie pollies and ants, he would play with them so much theywould stop moving, I thought they were dead, I remember picking them up, them being lifeless, I would blow on them a couple times and they would start to move again and crawl around my hand. I thought WOW! I most have super powers like SHERA because I brought it back to life. NO I did not think I could do this now, but I did try everything I could to see if I could get it back, nothing, so there I sat like a big baby and wept, I sobbed for a half hour, I sobbed for the kittens that never had a chance to breathe to feel life and air rush into their lungs, to breathe in that first breath, I sobbed for the mother, I myself am a mother and know that if this happened to me I would die inside! I covered those two babies up and hide them from my children, of course chloe at some point un covered them because when Austin and I went back in later to see the live kittens he also saw those :(

Dustin then said we should explain it to him. So thus began the talk about death, god and what happens. I did my best to explain that we are all created by God, and when we die we go to heaven (I am Catholic, not a practicing one but I do pray and do believe, just don't got to church often), I explained what My thoughts were on this, I said these kittens were not strong enough to live and they are now with God. Of course my 4 year old then asked if he could go to our Creator tomorrow and ask for these kittens back :( I then had to explain to him that you go to God when you die, to heaven, I did say that he could talk and pray to God and that God would hear him, that he could say a prayer for the kittens and God would make sure they got it. I pointed up to the sky and said I believe heaven is way way up there, it's a place where your spirit flies when you die, I then explained what a spirit is. After we left the bathroom and this discussion, he came into my room where I was laying on my bed, thinking about all that happened today and spoke to me once again about his trip he wants to take in his rocket to the cheese planet :) he made me laugh and I could not help but to pick him up and cuddle him! I thanked God for giving him to me, my first born!

So anyways that was my day, I did get the house clean and I did work on EBAY stuff :) Here's hoping tomorrow is less eventful!


  1. oh nikki- how sad! I fear having those all important talks with my kids one day- sounds like you did a good job.

  2. awww the poor poor kittens! :(

    How are the other 2 doing?