Thursday, August 3, 2006

Back at MIL'S, Working x2, winkflash

We are back from D's aunts house and house sitting. I have to say that was a nice "vacation". We all had fun, SIL and I watched a few movies at night (Witchboard, the hills have eyes, and burnt offerings) The boys had a great time playing in the yard, with the bunny, the dirt, water and some skies D's uncle was throwing out. I worked two of the days which was nice. It was a great time with our family. I really missed that feeling of "Just us". No worries.


We are now back at MIL'S and the tention still seems to be a bit high with some people in the house :( It makes me so depressed. Yes I know it is tough for everyone in this house to have us here this long (3 months) it's tough on us too, It makes me feel like we are burdens. And I just over heard another rude comment, I had just dressed Aidan so he could go outside with D and D's uncle who are taking down SIL's old playhouse in the backyard. The comment was about how "it's about time Aidan finally has some clothes on and is not naked (it was snarkly). MIL and Dustin tell me to just let these things roll off and not pay attention to them but it is hard! I hate to hear anyone put down my kids (I have heard comments here and there and it makes me sad!) First of all we have been trying to potty train Aidan and we were successful with My oldest son, by letting him run around naked during the day. Here is the thing, we ASKED (the people who are in the house during the day) if this was okay to do (we did not want to offend anyone) everyone said yes. So why make a comment like that? Both Aidan and Austin like to run around like that when it's hot (NO AC in the house) what small child does'nt? We have less then 4 weeks to go until our house is done, I have to say although I enjoy being around my MIL, she is such a great woman, I have been so stressed out being here, depressed, sad, I feel like I have to walk on egg shells around some people, I question everything I do, the boys do, even D, will we get yelled at? Will someone be upset if we do this or that? If something goes wrong, something breaks, is moved etc, I can't help but feel like we are blammed for it. I set up my computer and eBay work stuff down stairs and I feel like people are looking at me and thinking WHY did she do that? I just feel so, well un normal, your world really does get turned upside down when you make a big move like we all did. I totally know this will get better once we are in our own place I just can't help but feel like, well, like everyone hates me (us) here. That we are on everyones last nerve, very UNwelcome. You know when you get that feeling, like something is wrong, like someone does not like you, that the sight of you makes them just not want to be in the same room as you, I get that here (not by my MIL, she never makes me feel this way.) from some people. Makes me feel like shit actually. I go back and forth in my head thinking about what I could do to make people like me, and no matter what I do, it does not seem to be good enough. I feel like everyone thinks I am a joke here. What I do is a joke. I have a real job now, plus I do my eBay work which is the money that is coming in for our family right now, but I feel like no one takes that serious, like they look at it like I am just having fun, sitting on my butt and scrapbooking. When I am really earning the money for gas in our car and things we need. I don't know, I am just sad!

On a lighter note, I am really liking my job working for Dustin's aunt again (I worked for her while I was PG with Austin 5 years ago). It's fun. I have also been driving everwhere. I am scraed to death of the freeways here (lol just ask anyone who has driven a freeway here lol) so I have been taking the expressways. I think I am totally ready to take my drving test next week so I am going to make an appointment tomorrow for it. I have to say I am so excited about this LOL. I am sure you know why lol, I am 27 years old and am just now doing this (Driving) lol, I am getting over a fear and it feels GREAT! Who would have ever thought pulling up to McDonalds and ordering a couple happy meals would be so fun LOL. Driving ROCKS! Makes me feel independent.

I am starting to sell more on eBay (knock on wood, don't want to jinx myself lol) which is great. I have been trying something new and enjoying it. I will post some of what I am doing here later on tonight when I can resize.

I have to say I just love ordering pictures from Winkflash.com I have been going to them for about a year and a halk now and they not only are super fast at shipping (2 days) but they are such a great price, I mean 5x7 prints (my favorite size to scrapbook lol) are only $.27 can you believe that! The quality is amazing!

Okay well I better get back to my eBay stuff. Sorry for the down post, I just had to get some stuff off my chest and I feel good now that I did, I have been so down lately and I feel better getting it out. Thanks for listening.

Nikki

4 comments:

  1. let it roll off your back hon. hard to do- but you don't have to be there too much longer. as long as you and your family are happy don't worry about it. you said yourself that your mil is great about everything and it is her house- so who cares what the others say :)

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  2. Hang in there, girl! I have been in that same boat before. Have had to count to ten about twenty times (in a row! LOL!) but you will get through. :) Sending you big hugs! It is great to read your blog and of course - I love the video! ;)

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  3. I know exactly what you are going through as we had to bunk with my inlaws last year after Matt got out of the Navy. We didn't really have much choice as we didn't know where Matt would get a job. It was rough only in the end, but not just on me but matt as well. And I am sure it would be the same with anyone. I would be sick of my own family if we had to stay with them for that long too. It's always harder to go back home and live back at home when you have been on your own with your own family for so long.
    Don't worry about the clothes things. I have had people actually say I am too lazy to do laundry and that's why I let my boys run around in their diapers. HA! When we are just at home, I could care less. Especially in the middle of the summer. It's not like you are taking them out in public without anything on.

    You'll get through it. I know it's hard to have to listen to stuff and then not be able to say anything in fear of offending.

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  4. I went through exactly what you are feeling now, only it was when we had to move back in to MY parents house. I guess it is true what they say about you can't go home again. Things were very, very different. After having lived in our rental house in town then moving back to Mom's while we built this house, everything was egg shells! Different parenting skills, different rules, different ways of cooking! I felt like I couldn't do anything right and always in the way. I had to schedule times to use the washer/dryer cause heaven forbid Mom go to wash and I have a load already going. It was not an experiance I would wish on anyone. Just know that once you do get in your own place again that you will cherish it like never before. You will never take it for granted (not that you ever did but you kwim.) :) (((hugs)))

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