phew, I am sleepy

I am so tired, I think I have been drinking to much soda lately and it is starting to make me feel funky. I have been super busy working on projects. I finally put all stuff aside to work on a layout for myself, I have been feeling like my work stinks lately and this was the only way I could let it out lol, I think I am happy with this layout, won't know until I am done though, which should be tonight. I also received my WSD October kit yesterday, so I can NOT WAIT to create with that, I even went to paper cottage (a lss) to get some white bazzill and saw some halloween paper that I just HAD TO HAVE! I can't wait to get started! I also had to pick up the NOV issue of CK since it is the first time I was published with CK ;) so excited! And the layout in it is one of MY FAVORITES! of course I used Chatterbox lol ;)

Well I had some DRAMA with the lady down stairs FINALLY yesterday, it was super bad, lots of words said back and forth, but later we talked it out. Okay well I have to go, sorry for the short entry I have a mountain of clothes to fold and then need to get back to work. TTYL =)

Nikki

Reminder...

Here is a reminder (Miranda) for those of you who thought about trying out for the MUSE contest, YOU still have time so please please please send those emails in :) Here you go....



Are you the next Muse for Wendi Speciale Designs?

We want to see your work!

Contest runs from August 16th, 2005 through September 29th, 2005. The new muse (winner!) will be announced on October 1st. (wendi's birthday...and she wants to announce the new muse as her gift!)

Contest will be judged by current Muses for Wendi Speciale Designs, including owners Sunday Vidal and Wendi Speciale. Winner will be judged on creativity, originality and passion for paper arts. You are not required to use wendi speciale designs stamps on your projects, but it would be nice to see how you use our products!

To enter, e-mail five scanned images of paper arts projects you have created (scrapbooking layouts, collage, paper arts, altered items...) to Wendi Speciale and Sunday Vidal. (wendi@wendispeciale.com). In addition, in your email we want to know a little bit about you...what do you want from this experience?

What you will get: A free kit from wendi speciale designs every other month, design team "scoop" and recognition, ability to request stamps for assigned publication projects, and being part of a wonderful, creative and extremely positive team.

Below is a general outline of requirements for Muses: (term is for six months)
• Assignments must be completed on schedule.
• Muses must be visible and active within the wendi speciale designs message boards. (Starting and replying to threads so that you are able to help us out with making sure the boards are moving.)
• Each muse is required to attend at least one celebrity chat a month.
• Muses will be asked to vote for contests offered by wendi speciale designs
• Stay in contact and share team questions/issues with our Muse Mother (Team Leader) Debbie VanMarter
• Promotion of Wendi Speciale Designs (tell a friend if you will!

We look forward to seeing your work!

So come on ladies lol lets get those emails in =)

Nikki

Foot in mouth

Oh gosh am I having one BAD week! It's one of those weeks where you just wanna dig a hole and bury yourself in the sand, or lay in bed with the covers over your head. I am so depressed right now, it is taking every ounce of my being to not cry! It's there, oh believe me it is there and ready to burst like a valcano! I told myself an hour ago to just turn the darn computer off and scrapbook, or carpet clean, something else besides sit here and talk, chat or read! Something inside was just telling me to get off, back away, do something else, but did I listen? NOPE, I never do and then I get myself wrapped up in some deep POO! Not only have I put my foot in my mouth twice today but I have manage to piss a few people off without knowing what the heck I did wrong! I just know now I am being ignored! Why do I let things bother me so much? Why should I care if suzy que or buzzooka Joe don't like me? Stupid me but I do! It hurts the heck out of me! I put myself out there for everyone to see, I tried to do things for others, I have a huge heart, I always want the best for people, so why when I give nothing but my best (the best of me) to people do they then have to turn around and treat me so mean? My gosh why do I even care? I feel like screaming, like crying, like climbing in bed the rest of the day, just to get away

=(

silver lining

I was checking the pub out tonight and saw a post about the top 39 entries for the AF DT were getting emails tonight, so I of course ran, skipped, and jump all the way to my email LOL. I looked in my inbox, nothing, I then had a sunken feeling, this really was going to be the end of the world lol, then I peeked over to see if my junk folder had anything ( this is the folder that emails that have never been in my inbox go straight to), GUESS what was in there :) An email from alannah from Arctic Frog! I right away moved it into my inbox, by doing so if I EVER get another email (a girl could hope right ;) from her it would now go straight to my inbox =)

I was so excited! The email said "If you're getting this email, you were one of the 39 that I'd narrowed it down to after two rounds but had a hard time getting the group narrowed down any further, You guys have truely created some of the most innovative and creative things with my product that I've ever seen. It was just impossible for me to take any more than 10 people onto the team at this time but I hope in the future that if I have a need for good pages or projects you won't mind if I drop you an email to see if it's still available for use or if you'd like to create something similar for an assignment."

HOW sweet was that of her to do this! I can tell you right now that I feel so much better! Yes I am totally bummed that I did not make it but at least I know my work did not stink as much as I thought it did (blush) =(, I really need to learn to stop being so hard on myself! I was even not so nice to my husband tonight and for that I am ashamed! He called right when I was reading not making the team and I was kinda snappy, however he did call back a couple hours later when I was calmed down and said he thought I was being so funny and cute, like a little pouty girl lol.

I thought I would pop on and update about this awesome email and what a great person Alannah is for email all of us to let us know! She ROCKS!

Nikki


oh and it is 9:30pm 30 minutes past the no noise rule in our apartment building and the woman downstairs is playing loud music, here I was forcing the boys to be quite back here and she is playing loud music =\

POOPIE! =(

First I just wanted to say I am so happy and proud of my friends who made it on the AF DT, you all did amazing work!!!

now on to my self pity =)

Well I just went to Peas to sit and wait and see if the AF DT calls have started and found out they came and went while I was dealing with this mornings DRAMA. I am a loser! lol loser= "I did not make the team". So on comes the why was I not good enough phase. Well I should have known better since all my layouts and projects I sent in hardly got any Praise when I posted in the gallery, but I still held on to something, hope I guess, I should have just blocked it out of my mind, because maybe I would not be doubting myself right now. Now I am sitting here wondering do I deserve even being on the teams I am on now? My recent work, is it good or does it stink? Am I letting people down that I work for? I sit here and spend hours and hours on ONE layout! it takes me ALL day to do one, sometimes when I look at a layout I have just done I think WHY? on earth did this simple looking thing take me hours to make? I am embarressed now :( I don't know why I am beating myself up about this so much, is my work to much? To plain? to shabby? UGLY? Not hip enough? What is wrong with me? Well I tried my hardest and failed, I guess it was just not meant to be for me! I doubt I even made it in to the 39 or so that they were picking from, I bet I was the first to be drafted, okay you may think I am acting childish now, I totally agree, I am hurt :(, I feel like I have failed, I am sure I will feel better tomorrow, but for now I just want to wallow in my self pity. One thing I am very proud about with my entries is that I stayed true to ME, My scrapbooking, I have always said that journaling is the number one thing I LOVE about scrapbooking, and I used it on every layout I made, so even though my layouts did not help me make the team, they did help me get apart of our lives done for our books. Okay see I am already feeling a little better, and have started to thanks to Mely! I am chatting with her in AIM and she has been great! Thanks Girlie! I am so glad you are one of my good friends! You always know how to make me laugh! Now go read that last IM too, I want those 4 pictures of Princess Dani to scrap book, I NEED to scrap a girl lol ;)

Okay Self Pity party is over ;) Thanks for listening to me whine a little ;)

thinking good thoughts.....My boys......puppies......bunnies......mmmm john mayers yummy Lips..... =)

New plan

I woke up late this morning, around 9:30am from the phone ringing but no one was there. So I got up got Aidan so breakfast, talk to Dustin for awhile, at around 10am I decided to POP my "Walk away the pounds" DVD, Aidan is right there doing it along with me when we heard/feel it, the assholes (sorry blush, I am VERY pissed off about this) down stairs start pounding on the ceiling. FINALLY Dustin is there to hear it to. I was soooooo pissed off! WHY THE HELL is she pounding on the floor/ceiling? It is 10am for heavens sakes! So what do I do??? I call the front office and talk to the manager, I told her what happened (the jerks downstairs are lucky I do not complain everytime they are up fighting at 3am and making all kinds of noise! Like yesturday at 5pm they had a HUGE fight, it was so loud I could hear their words they spoke. I tell her I think it was the man and she tells me well there is not suppose to be a man there, he is not on the lease (shock! really? well there IS a very large man who lives there, he is there everyday and night, and between the man and the woman they have a car and two trucks in the car port!) so the manager says she is gonna go tell her something (I think, thankgoodness!!!) well 10 minutes later I am back to working out and hear a knock at the door, through the peep hole I see that it's the manager, so I open the door and let her in side. She told me that the lady is claiming her and her kids are sick and they are trying to sleep, I said well it is 10am how are we suppose to know that and second so because she does not feel well we have to not go about our normal days? she agreed with me and said I am sure if she was not up all hours of the night then she would not be tired and claiming she is sick! I agreed! The manager wanted to stay a while longer to watch me work out to see if the lady down stairs would do it again, I sai I was doing it in our bedroom and Dustin was in there laying down, she then told me you know the apartment rec house has a Gym that I can work out there to, I said yes I know I am just a little uneasy about working out in front of people lol, she said don't be and that is when aidan comes running around the living room naked (shock) he is potty training so he will not keep his diaper on, so I covered him in a blanket and told her he was potty training LOL, THEN to my HORROR! Austin pulls his blanket off of himself, he was SUPPOSE to have his underwear on, but was nude too LMBO The lady laughed so hard and said he's naked too, I bet you anything my face was as white as a ghost, I quickly said good bye to her and said how sorry I was lol told her how we had to start taping aidans diapers on when he is not training or he will keep taking them off, and as for Austin he is just a nudest lol, everytime we get home he strips off his clothes, we have to bribe him with M&M's to keep his clothes on LOL =) she said believe me I understand, that's just BOYS for yeah and that she has two of her own so she knows. We laughed.

After she left I decided to get ready to go down to the apartment Gym, I should just give it a try =) right when I got my water, mags, and bag together I hear another knock, I thought this time it would be the lady from down stairs, nope it was the manager again, she had this cute little wheelbarrow wooden holder and inside was M&M's she said she forgot to bring it earlier, I thanked her and said that was so sweet. I then said I would walk with her back to the office because I was going to give the GYM a try. She said great. on our way there I said I was sorry I keep calling about the people down stairs, but I just think it is nuts that the woman was flipping out this morning about me working out at 10am LOL she agreed! She said that I should not be surprised if that woman chews me out when I see her though, and if she does then to let her know and she will take care of it, that I was NOT in the wrong by calling, and she made a comment that lead me to believe that I am not the only person in our building who has complained about this woman. Believe me I feel so bad that I have to complain, but I think it is freakin crazy to pound on walls, floors and ceilings if you have a problem, had she come to my door and said look, I know it's 10am, but we are all sick down stairs and wondered if you could keep it down, then I would have stopped working out and made sure every one in my apartment went on with their day a little more quitely. But nope the BEYOCH got Royal TUDE!

Anyways, the manager gave me a key to the Gym room so I can go anytime I want too YAY. so I am going to try and go early every morning. It was so cool inside! It had mirrors everywhere, lol so I could see all my flabby flab when I work out ;), it has a TV and DVD/VCR so if I wanted to bring my DVD I could work out in there =), It had such a COOL Treadmill, sooooo much better then mine lol, it even had a built in fan, it had weights, a bike machine, a ball, jumprope,and one of those weight machines the kind that you can work out theighs, arms, legs, back, etc (forgot the name). So I did 24 minutes on the treadmill doing a one mile walk at 2.5-3.0 speeds, I did 2 miles on the bike for about 7 minutes and 18mph, and I did 10 minutes doing the all weight machine on my arms. It was AWESOME! And the cooooool thing is this room is FREE! Comes FREE with paying our rent LOL. That is so awesome! So gosh I hope I can keep this up and go everyday! Work out for an hour each day. I feel good today too (energy wise).

Okay well I better get back to the eBay kits I am working on. I hope you all are having a great day! Thanks for letting me vent today and sooooo sorry about all the cursing today, I was just VERY POed! We all have those days right? =) (blush)

Nikki

BUSY BUSY BUSY

So sorry I have'nt updated this week. I have been so busy! We have been taking the boys out more, park etc, I have been walking alot more now to, need to lose some more pounds. So far since March (if you have followed my blog I have lost 33lbs. I have a few more to go though, so I am stepping it up. I really should be giving up my Soda now but GOSH it's just to hard!

Saturday Dustin surprised us (well he has been talking about this THING, all week but would not tell us what it was) with a Trip to mountain home to the airbase for an Air show! It was awesome! We all had such a great time! I took pictures of the airplanes the boys in them, oooooo and we all got to sit in a Black Hawk, it was AWESOME! They did this show with the planes that showed us what it would have been like if we were in a war, there were guns going off (you could feel them hitting the ground yards away, through your feet "vibrations") and there was this HUGE, HUGE, HUGE Bomb that went off far away there was fire everywhere and as we saw the long row of fire you could feel the heat and it was so far away, it was very scary thinking that was what it is like in the middle of a war.

I have been working hard this week on projects for DT's. I just finished my Projects for Moments Defined, I got word tonight that the DT members can share some of their work this weekend in an online gallery =) so I will make sure to share with ya'll. I am loving this paper! The colors are amazing! lol that is all I am gonna say =). Okay I need to finish Dinner, Dustin just called and said he is on his way home from work and I need to go read Pink is the new blog =) wonder if there is any new Britney "baby" updates, I LOVE my celeb gossip ;) Have a good night Ya'll!

Nikki

PS- I am sooooooooooooooo flippin nervous! I applied to the Arctic Frog DT and am so nervous! The calls should be going out soon, last we heard the 200 hundred entries was narrowed down to like 39 or something like that, I wonder by some small chance I could be on of those? I should not get my hopes up, when I do it's like I jinx myself. OOOOOOO One more thing Did you guys see the new line of stamps at Wendi Speciale Designs? OMGOSH you have too! They are awesome!!!! It is a new Tattoo inspired line, and I am so LOVIN them! Can't wait to get my hands on some of those!

A little sleepy today :) BB6 Spoliers

Yet another late night up watching the Big Brother Live feeds, I LOVE these things lol ,Thanks again Mely ;) well I watched the three girls on the spinning safe for 4 hours



Janelle was the first off :( then Maggie :( which means Ivette won. She won the combo to the safe and her gift was in the backyard. So this means Ivette is safe until Friday and whoever wins today (Maggie or Janelle) will battle Ivette on Friday for the LAST HOH. I am sooooo sad that this game is almost over! :( I have enjoyed it so much! It's been The best so far "Summer of Secrets".



(Photos from BBUs.com) I downloaded a capture program so hopefully I will be able to get some pictures of my own to post here in the next day or so. Maybe soon when the next Comp starts :)

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GUESS what??? Wendi posted the October kit at Wendi Speciale Designs and I am INLOVE! And am so happy I get the October kit WOOHOO I can not wait to get this! If you all know me you know that Fall/October/Halloween is my favorite time of year. I Love fall because of the smells, the colors and the all out HAPPY feeling I get this time of year, October because it's my Birthday ;) (yikes 27, I'm getting older yikes yikes yikes), Halloween has ALWAYS been my favorite holiday, would wound not love a holiday where you get to dress up and pretend to be something awesome or amazing, or scary LOL. Anyways here is the October kit and the AWESOME Box it will come in, it ROCKS!





okay well I need to get back to my day ;) I am cleaning off my bookcase, moving all my scrapmagazines somewhere else to make room for more books, I LOVE reading :) I also plan to finish my entry for the Arctic frog DT, Crossing fingers :) Have a wonderful day!

Nikki

exhale

I am so tired this morning, those darn Big Brother live feeds had me up late last night lol, the girls were being so funny I could not look away. First Janelle and April were outside at 10pm playing vollyball and goofing around, Janelle kept farting and then April started, so they were both laughing REALLY hard, all of a sudden Janelle looks shocked, grabs a towel from a chair and runs into the house saying she thinks she went in her pants, so April goes into the room with Maggie and Ivette and tells them Janelle just "Sharded" (shit fart). I was cracking up so hard, this girls were so funny. Later Janelle comes back and says she actually peed her pants from laughing so hard LMBO Also later that night Maggie and April were playing around with the people (BB) who do all the behind the scenes stuff, it was so funny, BB would talk to them or answer their questions with beep noises. They also could hear the woman who walks around with high heels on and they were calling her, stelitos or jimmy chos LOL. And BB was doing this to scare them like calling their names in a scary voice, it was so funny, even Dustin was laughing (he was next to me looking up a couple schools he is thinking about maybe going to, he wants to take a couple classes) I finally went to bed at maybe 2:30 am ( blushing smily, could not pull myself away from those house guest lol, and I found out this morning that they were up until 4am lol)

So I am pretty tired today and thinking about taking a nap. I did clean the house, do some laundry and walk 2.72 miles so far today, I got on the treadmill earlier, I plan to get on again later this afternoon, I need to start keeping up with it! I have also been drinking alot more water YAY. I switched for a while from my all time favorite "Aquafina" to "Dasani" which taste really good too, nice a crisp. well I think I am going to go cuddle in bed with my book and maybe take a nap, I need to get some page kits for ebay done tonight, I am hoping they sell :( my last one I did bombed big time! :( I don't know what to do, until I get a call back from the jobs I turned apps into or an interview eBay is my only income coming in and if it does not come in we are pretty much Screwed! ( I am getting scared!

TTYL

~N~

PS- Miranda did you see the song I put up ;) lol remind you of two years ago (sept 2003) when we use to stay up late and listen to this, chat and work on layouts ;) YUMMY YUMMY John Mayer and his Yummy Yummy Lips ;)

Mommy Morning Kisses

I slept in a little this morning and was awoken yet another morning by my son Aidan and his Mommy Morning Kissies :) he likes to climb into my bed and say "good morning mommy" and kiss my cheeks and lips until I wake up to say good morning to him lol, it's so cute. He has been potty training lately, Can you believe that! he JUST turned two! I think because he sees Austin doing it that he copies, so he goes the day with no diaper and it is kinda annoying lol, because he says he has to "go pee in toliet" every 5 minutes so I am getting a workout out of that and he has ruined about 6 rolls of toliet paper getting them soggy from throwing them into the toliet lol.

Well I was up late last night finishing up my DT stuff for Little Red scrapbook, I LOVED working with the Arctic Frog, I've always been a fan and have used AF papers alot. I have also had my Big Brother 6 live feeds on the past couple days all day so I can "hear" what is going on and said lol and every once in a while I will look over to see whats going on lol. I am soooooooooooooo Hoping Janelle wins the money in the end! She has played the game so well. I think April in going home on Tuesday. You would not BELIEVE what Ivette was saying about Janelle when Janey got americas choice, it was REALLY BAD! That girl has one heck of a mouth on her, just a few weeks ago she was telling the friendship not to talk about people that she had had enough of hearing it and now that it is down to the final 4 she is really getting mean, I feel bad for Janelle and her family, it was pretty bad! I missed last nights show, but not on purpose, I tried but some STUPID football game was on instead :( I was so mad! I need to get our cable back (we shut it off a couple months ago because it was just to expensive and not in the budget).

Speaking of budget, I am so sad :( I have a page kit ending again today and it's the second time I had to list it :( I guess it sucks and no one likes it :( Sad thing is I worked on that during vactaion and really loved the kit, maybe I should stop making paper piecings and just do a full elements page kit no paper piecing, they really seem to be out now, which sucks because it's something I am very good at!

Okay well I need to go take pictures of my DT stuff and then get started on some WSD DT stuff, Hope you all have a wonderful Sunday!

Nikki

Up and at'em

I got up around 9 this morning, YAY I got to sleep in a bit, the boys had a video on and Dustin and I slept a little longer (him more so then me). I put a page kit up on ebay yesterday, and so far no bids :( I usually have a bid by now, The kit must stink, sad thing is I am half done making a matching boy one (pping is winne the pooh and Chris Robins).I hope my two weeks vacation did not mess up my Ebay vibe. The page kit does have 6 watchers but that means nothing, sadly my kits seem to get many watchers, but never anymore bidders, I have no clue what I am doing wrong now? Wish I knew.

I have most of the apartment clean now YAY, it's been a busy morning, Dustin finally got up at 11:00 and is now making breakfast for everyone. I decided to just have an apple, stinking to trying to lose more weigh, since March I have lost 30 pounds and I need to really start stepping it up again, I have alot more to go until I am finally happy with myself. Crossing fingers.

I am sorting through a ton of our VHS movies today, we are going to take them to Hastings and trade them in for some extra cash, I am also turning in my app for Moxie Jova, it is the only job I think would work for me and us right now, see I have to find a job that I can work early in the mornings, I have to be off by 10am- 11am in order for Dustin to go to work, his boss at Costco said I should come fill out an App for Costco anf work the 4am-10am seasonal stocking shift (items in the middle of the store, clothes, books, video games, computer stuff etc).

Okay well I better get going lots to still do today, Hope you all have a great day!

Nikki


Update- (4:25pm)
We just got back from walking the boys a few blocks away to Liberty Park. Oh our way we saw a couple town house for sale, they were so nice, they had a yard in the front and back of each of them. Not sure how much one of those would cost? I wish we could have our own place already, hoping one day soon in the near future we will, It's one of my dreams for our family. Dustin and Aidan came right home to take a nap, Austin is playing video games, and before I start work I was thinking of making a bowel of Lucky Charms, I am a bit hungry now, and feeling a little down in the dumps for some reason today :( , hope it passes quickly...

~N~

Life lessons

My day started out at 6:30am with a very strange dream. See this past Feb My cousin died, he was only in his early 20's and has a small son he left behind. My dream was about him. I dreamt that my sister and I went back in time to when this cousin was about 12 he was with his dog (who is now also dead), I remember us telling him that he needed to remember not to do what he did to get himself killed, we begged and pleaded with him, I remember his smile so clear in my dream, I remember his voice. As my sister and I each grabbed ahold of one of his arms to try and drag him back to our future, I awoke from my dream, I felt so sad and at the same time spooked by this dream. I then heard our female cat chloe in the front bathroom, moaning really loud. She sounded so angry, I just thought our other cat Ben was messing with her. About an hour went by, I was cleaning around the house and passed the bathroom door and heard he start up again. So I opened the door to find and tiny little fur ball next to her. She gave birth to one of her babies, it was mostly white with a small amount of orange on it, I was so excited I called Dustin into the bathroom to say that it was time. I then pulled out some towels and layed them out in the large tub so Chloe could feel comfy and it would be warm for the kittens to come. I sat with her for a while. I could hear her heavy panting, almost purr like. after about an hour I decided to come into the office and look up Cat labor and birthing (I did this too when we first found out she was PG). I found out lots of things (this was our first time ever having a pregnant cat).

I sat and waited another hour and went to check on her, still no babies, a website I visited said it could be anywheres from 10 minutes to two hours and sometimes labor can last all day, well a couple hours later I went back in, and saw a baby kitten in it's sack, she was licking it and broke it open, I thought to myself awwww look it's a black and white one (our cats are both persian (100%) one (chloe) is black, orange and white and the other (ben) is orange and white), I then noticed it was not moving :( I picked it up in which it's little face turned to me, it's tounge was out of it's mouth and it was not breathing, it was so cold, it was dead :( I sat there with this baby kitten in my hands and cried. I also read that persians have the hardest time giving birth and alot of the times there will be a couple born still born :(

Well about 10 minutes after this kitten was born still born, chloe started standing and pushing, out popped another sack, this kitten was black and white also, I was right there with chloe as she popped the sack opened, I noticed this kitten was not moving either :( it was also born still born :(

By now I am a HUGE puddle of tears and just for the life of me and praying that if there are anymore kittens that please God let them live! Well about 10 minutes later another sack came out, I looked at it and was telling chloe to hurry up and get it opened, and sure enough this one was moving all around YAY! I was so excited! This one was alot smaller then the first three, and it looks just like it's daddy, orange with white. So that was it, the last one, She had a total of 4 kittens. I held the second (still born) kitten in my hands, for some reason I just could not believe it was gone :( , I rubbed it to see if I could keep it warm, I opened it's mouth and blew air into it, nothing :( when I was a young child I remember playing in my aunts back yard with some of my cousins, I remember one of my male cousins messing with rollie pollies and ants, he would play with them so much theywould stop moving, I thought they were dead, I remember picking them up, them being lifeless, I would blow on them a couple times and they would start to move again and crawl around my hand. I thought WOW! I most have super powers like SHERA because I brought it back to life. NO I did not think I could do this now, but I did try everything I could to see if I could get it back, nothing, so there I sat like a big baby and wept, I sobbed for a half hour, I sobbed for the kittens that never had a chance to breathe to feel life and air rush into their lungs, to breathe in that first breath, I sobbed for the mother, I myself am a mother and know that if this happened to me I would die inside! I covered those two babies up and hide them from my children, of course chloe at some point un covered them because when Austin and I went back in later to see the live kittens he also saw those :(

Dustin then said we should explain it to him. So thus began the talk about death, god and what happens. I did my best to explain that we are all created by God, and when we die we go to heaven (I am Catholic, not a practicing one but I do pray and do believe, just don't got to church often), I explained what My thoughts were on this, I said these kittens were not strong enough to live and they are now with God. Of course my 4 year old then asked if he could go to our Creator tomorrow and ask for these kittens back :( I then had to explain to him that you go to God when you die, to heaven, I did say that he could talk and pray to God and that God would hear him, that he could say a prayer for the kittens and God would make sure they got it. I pointed up to the sky and said I believe heaven is way way up there, it's a place where your spirit flies when you die, I then explained what a spirit is. After we left the bathroom and this discussion, he came into my room where I was laying on my bed, thinking about all that happened today and spoke to me once again about his trip he wants to take in his rocket to the cheese planet :) he made me laugh and I could not help but to pick him up and cuddle him! I thanked God for giving him to me, my first born!

So anyways that was my day, I did get the house clean and I did work on EBAY stuff :) Here's hoping tomorrow is less eventful!

I'm Back :)

YAY, It is so good to be back home (although I do miss California again!). So I had Dustin take the above picture this morning of me so I can use it for a DT picture. I hope it is okay, I hate taking pictures!

Boy have I missed my blog! I took my computer with me to CA because I thought I would be working a bunch there but MIL did not have a free phone jack for me to hook it up so I ended up using her computer for the things I did use and it was limited time in the mornings. The last week of our vacation I could not even get on because we were all just to busy. Okay lets see, well we left here Friday Aug 19th, it took us about 10 hours (my dh is a speed demon) to get to San Jose (CA). We went straight to bed that morning and the boys spent time with their grandma (bubba karen as they like to call her lol). After we got up we all went swimming in her pool. You guys this pool is amazing! I remember when they were building it (I was PG with Austin) it is a darker color blue, it has blue marbled mini tiles all around the border of the inside of the pool, it is shaped differently, it has a built in water fall that spits out 90* water (soooooo nice) and it is surrounded by LOTS of plants and trees so to me it reminds me on a lagune in the middle of the rainforest lol. We spent ALOT of time this whole vacation in that pool! Man I missed swimming and WHOA what a workout! I was starving and ready to eat a horse (not really eat a horse YUCK, just a figure of speech lol) when I got out of that pool everyday LOL. We did that for the next few days, Dustin went out with friends on tuesday and I stayed home to watch big brother lol and work on a kit for ebay. Wednesday we did not do much but swim, Thursday was my parents Wedding! The wedding was amazing! We got there early and helpped my dad and mom put up decorations, my mom was so nervous! But she looked so happy! My dad went to pick up my sister from the airport. It was so nice to see her again! I have truly missed her and am so proud of her and how she has changed er life around!

Soon lots of family arrived. It was only suppose to be a few of us but more people showed up :) It was so great to see everyone. I got pictures with my grandparents and some of the boys with my grandma. Our family friend and Chiropracter TJ (Thomas Jefferson) Osbourne (sooooooo handsome!!!!) married my parents. I remember watching my mom and dad standing there looking at eachother, tears in there eyes and even before they devoted themselves to eachother they cried. I remember the feeling I had, WOW! Their love is so true, so heart warming. It was such a wonderful wedding and day. After that we hung out for a while. My parents said they were treating everyone who wanted to come to dinner at "BABES" Sports bar (a hang out my parents love to go to and dance and have fun) It was so much fun going. Dustin and I played Pool, it was fun!

Friday night, Aug 26, we went camping at the KOA in santa cruz for the whole weekend. We love camping! We set up our tent on the site we shared with MIL and her tent trailer. MIL and julia as brought a laptop so every night we did movie night lol, we set it up with the LARGE laptop screen and big speakers, we watched shrek 2, winn dixie and the second night we watched Ring 2 which got the teenage guys from the site next to ours to pull up their chairs and watch with us all LOL. We roasted marshmellows, eat great up there lol, swam in the pool there, they had an awesome HUGE hot tub and they also had a mini golf land there. Saturday we went to the beach for the day (Sunset beach) we all got so sunburnt there. I made sure to take lots of pictures since the beach is one of our family traditions. The boys built some awesome sandcastles and I read my book most of the day (in fact I read the whole camping trip lol, it's a good book to, by Dean Koontz called "PHANTOMS").

We headed back to MIL's Sunday night. When we got home, Dustin and I decided we wanted to go on a date to the movies (first one in over a year and dumb me forgot the GC to chevys resturant here in Idaho so food was out lol) We went to see "Wedding Crashers" at the AMC movies. That movie was the best! SO FUNNY! I cried it was so funny! It was a great time and I was glad I got to spend that time with Dustin!

Monday we swam most of the day, we went to have dinner at my folks house that night. My dad had to go out of town for work (to SAC town) so it was just my mom. I knew this night would be very emotional for the two of us. I can not tell you how much I have missed my mother this past year we have lived in ID! We decided (dustin did lol, I wanted mexican "albertos") on Juicy burgers. So we all ate and then headed to the backyard for the boys to play. Austin was a pill and kept crying to go back to bubba karens house, finally he fell asleep. Aidan played with the water house and mini rocks my folks have in the back yard. We all sat out there talking about live and everything. It was great seeing my mom. Dustin stayed outside with aidan and my mom went to talk on the phone with my aunt so this gave me a perfect time to be alone (well minus my sleeping 4 yearold lol) to just sit in my moms room and cry. I sat there thinking about my life before, in this house, but most of all my mom. I went over to one of her dressers, she loves little nic naks and has them all about her room. I picked up this beautiful tea kettle that had flowers on the outside and little mice dabcing in the inside, I flipped it over and turned it on (it was a music box) I set it down and just listened. I use to do this all the time as a child with the nic nacs my mom had while I was growing up, I then took out my camera and took a picture of this dresser, WHY? Because this is my mom (well a part of her) this is who she is and I want to scrapbook it to remember how I felt about this and my mom. I then got super emotional and headed to her bed. I lay on top of her pillows and cried a good cry. I remember growing up in this house, I remembered my sister and I fighting from young children all the way to adult hood (18 in highschool) fighting over who was gonna sleep that night with mom, lol yes Grown girls in highschool fighting over this! It was only one day a week we would ask to sleep next to her in her room, my mom rasied us on her own until we were in our teens (well me, I am 4 1/2 years older then my sis) we have such a tight bond with our mother now. For the longest time in our childhood we had to share a room with our mother so we all slept in the same bed, and we were use to it, being with our mom. When my parents bought the house we all got our own rooms. And so the fighting between my sis and I began lol. It was getting late so we decided it was time to go, I hate this part so much, I am way to much of an emotional person and hate goodbyes. So we sad our goodbyes and I did very good. We got out to the car and guess what? Dustin left Aidans sippy cup in the fridge, YIKES, so I had to go back. I got to the door and felt the emotions rising, and then she opened the door. There she was my mother, crying so hard, just short of a sob, and then I began! We hugged and she told me I was not suppose to see her this way, I said I know, told her about the cup. I stood there for maybe 5 minutes just hugging my mother not wanting the moment to end! I have missed her so much and have had many moments here in ID where I wish she was close so I could talk to her, moving here has been great but GOSH do I miss my family like crazy! That has been the hardest thing for me! So I said goodbye for the second time and we left back to MIL'S for some packing and more goodbyes :(

Tuesday morning we got everything loaded back into the car and said our good byes to MIL, Peggy, Julia and Kate. Austin did very good, I thought for sure we would be hearing LOTS of crying for the first 3 hours of car ride to Russells house (BIL). On our way home it was decided that we would stop in at BIL's to visit with him and his family. MIL got us a hotel room 5 minutes from their house so we could have a place to rest before the super long car ride home. That was a great visit! Dustin had fun visiting his brother and I had fun talking to the kids and Marijane. We left for home on wednesday afternoon (5pm). We stopped at froster freeze (like their milkshakes) for a bite to eat and ht the road. It was so beautiful the first couple hours, all the trees and the breeze that went through the car. I truly miss California! We stopped at a Truck stop outside of Reno, and D said he was only going to sleep an hour, we ended up sleeping until 4am (yikes because Dustin had to be at work at 2pm), I drove about 2 hours and then we stopped at a gas station to fill the car up, While dustin was in the store he played the slot machine LOL and won a couple bucks, of course he emptied his winnings back into it lol. When we got to Winnamucca I decided to grab 4 quarters from the money tray and go potty then play the machines, my first time ever ( I have played a slot machine at my moms neighbors house on thanksgiving growning up (block party) but that is not the same. I put the first 2 quarters in, nothing, then when I put the 3rd in It started dinging, so I pressed the button where you choose to get the money you won, 40 quarters came popping out!!!!! I was shocked! lol WOOOHOOOO I won, may not have been to much but it was great, I of course put a bunch back into the machines LOL, so in all I can say my $1.00 I went in actually made us $4.00 when I was done playing lol so I did leave there with more money then I went in with. I put it all back into the change tray so D could use it it get snacks at work if he wants. I can tell you right now that we are gonna have so much fun in Oct, in Vegas! I am already starting to save the silver change in the house LOL ;)

Anyways we got home Thursday afternoon and just in time for my poor DH to go to work. I was so tired, I unpacked and went to bed! Friday I went out to put some apps in at places. I decided I want a parttime job a couple days a week just to get out of the house every once in a while. I have decided to make a bunch of new changes in which I really like! I have now made it through about half of my emails (there were so MANY!100'S) and am slowly getting settled back in. Today I got up early, showered and went back out for apps, I got one from Moxie Java, it looks like a great place! Now I am just popping on to get a little caught up and then need to get back to my page kits I have spread out and working on in the kitchen on the bar. It's great to be back! I have missed my blog :)

When will I feel right?

I am in such a funk this morning, I can't seem to get my thoughts straight and I just wanna Cry. Do you ever have one of these days? I have been super depressed lately and alot of "home" personal things have gotten to me. So much so I am starting to have panic attacks, (which if you ever have had are NOT GOOD! The pain is the worst!) I went to bed simi early last night, I had to get up because at 11:00 D would be home from work and I knew he would be hungry so I fixed him something to eat. (I have been super busy this week getting things ready for our long CA trip next week) I wanted to go back to sleep, so as I am serving him his food at about 11:30 there is this LOUD annoying knock on our door. I was freaked out! WHO would be here this late? And knocking like that? AHHHH It was my BIL, I was so anrgy to see him there! At this hour and when it was time for us to go to bed! Well I guess Fil bought him a new used car yesturday and he wanted D to help him with it. Dustin tried to get him to leave but he would not listen! He is VERY stubborn! Well he was out there for 40 minutes making so much noise that I will honestly be surprised if we do not get a complaint for noise notice! I just went to my room, read the Big Brother live feed message boards and went to bed. Well I get up this morning start cleaning, Dustin is clearing off the purch and I am getting ready to carpet clean the apartment so it's nice and fresh when we get back from vacation. GUESS what, a KNOCK at the door! And it is BIL AGAIN! Darn it! He now wants D to help him install a radio in his car. I have not really seen or spent time with my DH in a week and here comes my BIL again, oh and I can not tell you the TUDE he gave me at the door, he told me to "get my brother NOW!!!!) He just turned 18 in March and now he owns the world? Geeezzz what happened to him? he use to be so sweet and I did not mind him being around.

I worked so hard this past week to get some extra money to finish paying off the bank so we would not have that debt hanging over our heads when we got back to (BTW My MIL is paying for our CA trip). I even had to auction of my Jolees collection and my dear sweet friend Kristie won them. I am so happy they are going to her and so blessed to have her in my life, she is truly a wonderful friend so talented! And just the sweetest gal ever! I am really going to miss her though :( see we are going on vacation and when I get back she will be leaving for a while, I am going to be so lost without her :(

My mother called last night to tell me that after 18 years her and my Dad are getting married while we are in CA, we are all so very excited and I am so happy I will be there to see it and my Sister YAY. She asked me what I was doing and I said I spent the day taking photos, cropping them and uploading them to inkfrog to auction off the boys baby clothes, she asked me how much I thought I would get for the HUGE 93 item lot of everything and tons of name brands, I said I was hoping for at least $100, she said she would buy them off of me so I would not have to list them and that will be her gift to her young friend at work (she already gave her our baby crib, rocking chair for nursing and stroller) I said thank you so much and she said to bring the box down with us when we go next week. My mom is awesome! I also spoke with MIL last night, lol I was trying to get (Weds plans out of her LOL) she giggled at me and said it is something fun that is close to home (her home) and we and the boys will love it. I am thinking it might be the Circus lol :)

Oh my as I was typing this the phone rang, it was BIL, now he wants D to go get him because his new car battery exploded or some excuse like that! My gosh all kinds of things are unfoiling right now :( I have to go, i'll be back later :(

Nikki


2.36pm
Okay so D bought a new carpet cleaner (the old one gave out, I loved it too) and he comes home with this TINY little carpet cleaner lol I am going to have to take a picture of it and post it, it is so tiny! and thing is because it is so tiny it now makes my 6 hour job turn into a 10 hour job :( I am going to be carpet cleaning all day! Okay popping back off to get to work, just got on to chek my EBAY auctions :)

Either I am getting old or I am blessed with lots of laugh lines ;)

CLOSE UP


LOL I was looking at them this morning while washing my face (one of those first things you do in the morning when you wake) I am always smiling and boy do those babys show up nice and noticeable when I smile. My mother calls then laugh lines. I just think it's a sign that I am getting older. Part of life I suppose.

I woke up early this morning and had the whole apartment clean by around 11am. Even got the last load of laundry done YAY! Now I am sitting back here debating taking pictures of the rest of the baby clothes to get up on ebay, BOY was this a job! I had to sort through all the different sizes, make a bunch of piles, and then you have to take pictures of each LOT and each outfit in a LOT. I am also working on a summer page kit, hope to have that up tonight, but we shall see. I am hoping when D gets home from work that I can go in and take a nice hot bath and read for a while, it's been a couple weeks since I have had time to read so It is much needed! Okay well I better get back to work, I just finished going over "ABC's" with Aidan, it was so cute! He loves his Elmo learning table. TTYL Hope you are all having a good day! :)

Nikki

The voice within

Well I changed my music for this page to one of my favorite songs, This song has been an anthem to me through some rough times. I used this song on a layout I did last summer, layout entitled "The voice within" also. This layout meant so much to me! Not only was it one of my first layouts I ever did for my
"book of me" album, but it touch on a deeper part of my life, a battle that I over came. An eating disorder and it touched the surface of the depression I suffer from. I would like to share with you the journaling I did for this layout, right now I can't share the layout because it is being published in Memory Makers Ideabook "My scrapbook My story". I am so nervous about it being published. My own personal battles with depression and an eating disorder is going to be out there in the world for millions of people to see, to read, and in a way I feel blessed, maybe there are others out there that will be touched by my story, my layout because maybe they have been through something like it? Anyways here is the journaling on this layout...

"I have thought about making this layout for sometime now.This page is for my about me album. I realized in making this album that I have to include the good with the not so good.I included on this layout a song I like to think of as an Anthem for me. I suffer from depression, I have since I was 11 years old. I grew up thinking I had to be perfect, look and act perfect. The sad feelings and thoughts I had soon became an eating disorder, that I suffered with until my early twenties. I may have looked and seem normal on the outside but inside I felt alone. I thought constantly about flaws in myself and problems I seemed to cause others. Eventually, through counseling and my family and friends, I learned that many others battle depression, that I am not alone.I found the strength to over come my ED. I still have off days where I battle mild depression, but the thing that keeps me on track are my husband and boys. Also the great bond I have with my dear friends I found on an online community. I know that if I trust in myself and listen to the voice within things will be okay!"

"Song lyrics "Voice within"
Young girl, don't cry I'll be right here when your world starts to fall
Young girl, it's all right Your tears will dry, you'll soon be free to fly
When you're safe inside your room you tend to dream
Of a place where nothing's harder than it seems
No one ever wants to bother to explain
Of the heartache life can bring and what it means

When there's no one else Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength That will guide your way
You'll learn to begin To trust the voice within

Young girl, don't hide You'll never change if you just run away
Young girl, just hold tight And soon you're gonna see your brighter day
Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed
It's so hard to stand your ground when you're so afraid
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
When you're lost outside look inside to your soul

Life is a journey It can take you anywhere you choose to go
As long as you're learning You'll find all you'll ever need to know
Be strong, You'll break it, Hold on, You'll make it
Just don't go forsake it because No one can tell you what you can do
No one can stop you...

When there's no one else Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin ,To trust the voice within

Young girl don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall
Trust the voice within"

I have been thinking about this layout a lot now that it is so close to being out for the public eye to see.I am very proud I submitted it this and so honored it was picked up! And I am glad God gave me the courage to write it down, after all what is scrapbooking? It's a wonderful outlet and it allows you to share your life and memories with your loved ones, GOOD or BAD! I want to challenge those of you who read my blog, How about you sit down and think about something you have over come in life or you are going through, something personal, something with real feelings and meaning and please show me! I would love to see! It can be about anything just something about you good or bad!

Okay I better get back to work, everyone is alseep and this is the perfect time for me to get things done :) Good night

Nikki

Just messing around

With my camera :)

The power of being positive

Well I have been up early today, I actually woke up very sick last night (BAD BAD BAD double chocolate cookie dough blizzard from DQ (bush smiley here), so I went to sleep on the couch were I could feel the ceiling fan in the dining room blowing and cooling my skin (this has always made me feel better, as a child if I was sick I would turn on the ceiling fan in my room and after a while I would feel better, like the fan was helping bring my temp down, lol does that sounds strange? Honestly it works. Well I was awoken by the sweet sounds of my youngest son talking to my husband. So I turn my head to see and My husband had him all dressed and they were heading out to work to pick up his paycheck. I layed there on the couch for a while thinking how I could easily go back to sleep right now, but just feel so excited about today that I had to get up. I have Chatterbox on the brain. If you all know me you know how much I LOVVVVVVE Chatterbox! I have since the beginning (lets just say before the paper was called "cbx walls" lol. Well before I even knew about the sale at the chatterbox offices I had people email and iming me to get them a bag I was like what the heck are you taking about, I guess they did a search to see who lived in Idaho, and My name came up on a message board. That is fine I don't mind but alot of these people I have never spoken to. So I picked 4 people to get bags for (myself is the 4th person). I can not tell you how awful this whole thing has made me feel! In a way I wish I was not going now, I feel so bad for all those ladies who I had to turn down or who keep posting about needing a bag, I so wish that I could help, but with me, the two boys and dh and not to mention what a mad house it probably will be, 4 bags is all we can handle. I was in chat lastnight with Mely and Kristie and it dawn on me. You know what I am going to do, with "MY" Bag I am going to Rak a bunch of people, yes so it's not a whole bag I just can't do that, but I can send a few goodies to a few people. So keep a look out ladies, in a week or so some people will have a surprise package in the mail. Now I am just hoping by the time I get there 12pm my time that the preferred customers have not taken everything LOL and I can get my 4 bags for everyone.

I had so much fun lastnight, I worked on a page kit for ebay (almost done) and I played online Monopoly with Kristie and Dianna, LOL Dianna has a HONKING problem, there is a button in the game that you can push and (oooooo richard marx song is on that I haven't heard since I was in JR. High :) It HONKS like a horn lol. I think I am going to call her and Kristie Honkers now lol. Hoooooooonk That one was for you guys ;) and I sooooooo wanna rematch! I actually WON a game last night, I was actually shocked lol, I always lose! Oh and Kristie cheats ;) lol (just kidding).

Okay well I better go hop in the shower now and get ready for the day. I will post more later, If it is not crazy at the CBX place I will take my camera to get pictures :) Have a wonderful day Blog readers ;)

Nikki

Can I get a SWEEEEET? Can I get a YEEHAW

mmmm I am sitting here with my lunch, A coke and a bowel of Velveeta Kraft Mac and cheese (shells) mmmm. I was woken up this morning by my husband, he has a plate of potatoes and Eggs he made me. You should have seen the look on his face so happy and proud, poor guy was a little upset when I took just a couple bites here and there and mostly played with it with my fork. Thing is I am not a morning eater, never have been, I remember getting ready for school and my mom being upset that I did not eat anything for breakfast, so she would have me eat a banana on my way to school, I remember getting sick once I hit the school grounds. After being up and awake a while I can eat but not when I first get up. Believe me those eggs and potatoes looked so good to but my stomach just could not take them. I love the fact that he got up extra early just to do this though, so sweet! It is about 1:30pm and I am finally eating for the day, D should be home from work in a couple hours. I need to call the front apartment office and let them know that the garbage disposal stopped working and it's a must that it gets fixed. I use that thing a couple times a day lol.

Well after watching Inked lastnight I went straight to bed, for two nights now at around 6pm I get this painful headache, I took meds for it but it just did not help, I have no clue what it could be from but I am drinking more water now like I shoul be. I need to make a shopping list for tomorrow and get more aquafina.

I have received a couple emails from ladies asking when I am going to get new layouts up lol, well I am working on stuff now, I did get one new layout up this week, but I was super busy the last couple weeks with custom kits and pping orders which is my "JOB" that pays me to bring money in that we need, so I had to set regular scrapping aside for a little while, But I am working on stuff now and will post them as soon as I finish :)

Okay well I have two more loads of laundry to do and finish this page kit for EBAY and then I get to start a layout WOOHOO :)

I hope you all are having a great day!

Nikki

Lots to do today

wow it's been a long weekend-week so far. I finished and mailed off a couple cutom orders I made for people. I have also been working on stuff with my WSD Aug kit, lots of fun! I received an email from Maegan from Little Red scrapbook the night before last and I made the TEAM! YAY! I am so very excited! I have always wanted to be apart of a kit club design team.

So for Aidan's birthday, D came home and I suggested taking the boys to the park and doing a BBQ there Well he had a better idea, he said lets all get ready and take this party camping lol. So we packed up stuff for camping and headed up to the mountains (about an hour away) and went to this spot we picked out when we went up that way a few months back for the snow. It's great it has a stream that runs through it and a great little area for the boys to play in. When we got there we unloaded the car, then D and and the boys put up the tent (it's a tent FIL gave us that they use to use on camping trips when D and his brothers were younger. After that D started the BBQ. We had hot dogs, hamburgers and I brough some bush baked beans but for got the pan for it so D cut open a coke can and used it as a pan to cook the beans LOL, very clever! While he cooked, the boys played a bit and then we decided to do the cake and presents before dinner because we were losing light. They had so much fun, D bought those trick candles that re-light after you blow them out, that was so funny to watch! We all hung out for a while exploring a bit and then D started a bon fire. So we roasted marshmellows and made Smoores. A couple hours later we all went to the tent, I journaled a bit in my journal and then tried to read but just decided to go to bed with them. Thing is when all the noises I could not sleep LOL, I kept waking up, I would check the cell phone to see the time and swear I woke up every hour on the hour lol, I would hear a car pass by and wonder who the heck was driving around up here at 2-3-4 am lol then at one time at about 2am thi s creature jumped on the top of the tent, he was very tiny but I could not see what he was, his 4 feet were about the size of my thumb nail, I woke D up and he pushed the creature down. Finally at about 5am I went to sleep lol. We got up, explored some more and then got everything packed and ready to go home. It was a great idea, we had alot of fun!

Now I have been working on some new ebay stuff and some layouts for the DT's. Super busy this week but having fun! Okay well I better get back! Oh before I forget I am so excited to live in ID! Chatterbox is having a huge free 4 all sale at their place you pay $10 and get $300 in products, I am already getting 4 bags full for the girls who asked and I wish i can do more then 4 but with two kids and my hands full I can't :( I feel so bad for those who email me to see if I can get them one :( believe me I truly wish I could, but 4 is all I can do.

Okay need to get back, laundry and kit is calling my name! TTYL

hope you all are having a great day!

Nikki

Here is a couple of the camping pictures....

Here is the birthday boy :)



here are the boys in the tent



here I am lol this was me in the morning I was reading my book (no make up lol YIKES) and look Kristie it's the hat you made me ;) it came in handy that night, kept me warm :)



and here is one of D :)

Two years ago today....

My Precious son Aidan was born. For the most part (minus my last blog entry LOL) He is the sweetest most kindest hearted little boy ever! He has such a HUGE heart. He loves LOVE! And he shows affection so much. Although I am so very happy my Baby is TWO today, I am also very sad, Where did my BABY go? It seems like Just yesterday I was announcing in CHAT and at Lifetimemoments that I was pregnant with our second child. He was my "24th Birthday gift ;)". He was planned out of Love and us wanting another baby. God has blessed us with two beautiful amazing little boys and for that I will be forever Grateful to him. My miracles.

We are kinda on a budget right now so we decided to do a small (our little family) party for Aidan today. We are either taking them to the park for a BBQ (depends on the heat lol it is suppose to be 104* today) or we will do the BBQ here. I bought the boys hotdogs (these are their favorites) and hamburgers, chips, and fun stuff to do. I also Picked up this very Cute Madagascar Birthday cake at Walmart (we usually do these HUGE parties where we have to get these HUGE $70 Birthday cakes) but this one I got today is just perfect and it was only $11 WOW HUH! I also bought matching birthday gift wrap to wrap his gifts in. I will post pictures of the event today, later tonight. Okay well I better get going, I have to keep an eye on the fridge to make sure nothing happens to the cake LOL.

I will post more later, hope you all have a great day!

Nikki

PS. so who wants to join me on that Cake island pictures above? mmmmmm All you can eat Cake and frosting....I can't wait to dig into that baby lol

Vacation! I need one! **UPDATED!**

Okay this day is already turning into those ones where you keep saying over and over agin in your head that you need a vacation. I was awoken early By DH, then could not get back to sleep. Finally Aidan got up, I got him breakfast and came back to lay down. DH got up took a shower, he let aidan in the bathroom with him, next thing I know he is yelling about how Aidan got into something....My make up drawer, so now there is makeup everywhere including all over his face (yes I got pictures). So I have to clean all of that up, while dh gets ready for work and DMV (paying a ticket). Well I sit down to work on some ppings again and the phone rings, it's Dustin telling me he just got out of the dmv and the postoffice, okay cool, as we are talking I walk out to the living room to find aidan pulling the protective plugs off the outlits, GREAT! Now what do I do to stop him from trying to stick things in the wall? so now I have to move all my scrap stuff I am working on (table, lightbox, CS, PENS, ppings patterns etc ) out to the living room. I come back here because I heard a YOU GOT MAIL massage to check my email, when I go back out he has gotten into the fridge and has pour the gallon of milk into the trash can :( so now I have to clean all that up plus get the boys read to now run next door to walmart to get more milk :( When we get back I get on the phone with the bank, have to come back to my room to talk because the boys are being loud and I can't hear, when I go back out the whole box of trix cereal is on the living room floor (AHHHHHH) So I have to come back here and get the vacuum and vacuum the cereal off the floor (what a waste!). I start working again, the phone rings again, it's a person asking if I have any clothes or items for this charity collection, I come back here to hear and talk to here. When I hang up I head back out towards the living room, no aidan, so I start searching the apartment for him, I turn the corner of the kitchen bar and that is when I see it! SOOOOOOOO FREAKIN GROSS! My son has managed to take his diaper off, he went ahem poop and it is now smeared all over the dining room wall (BY NOW I am in tears, what the HECK!!!!!!!!!! Else can go wrong today?) So I grab the lysol wipes and start cleaning that mess up. While I am doing this he opens the pantry door and pulls the HUGE bag of coco puffs (the generic kind in the huge bag at walmart) off the shelf and I guess the last person to eat them forgot to seal it because NOW there is this HUGE mess of little brown balls all over the kitchen floor! GOD what did I do to deserve this today? So I am praying in my head now for it to all end and let me get some peace and I am also cursing in my head why why why? So here I sit, I think things are calm, sounds calm, I can not wait for nap time today lol. Okay I better got get back to work, if anything else happens today I think I will need to take that vacation, hmmmm catalina sounds nice right about now ;)

Hoping you all are having a better non eventful day then I am!

Nikki

**UPDATE**

Okay someone up there must not like me today! I am working my behind off to get these ppings done and overnighted now. But nothing, noone is letting me do this, I am about to freak out so bad, can't anything go right today? I am going to have a freakin heartattack (or maybe a panic attack!) so I am back here now working, it was to nosey out there and I could not work, so I moved back here again, the phone has rang about 8 times since last I posted! And everything else has gone wrong. You would not believe what Aidan has been up to now! Oh and I took pictures for those of you who would not believe all of this stuff could happen to me today! PROOF!

So for the freakin second time today my son has taken his diaper off and smeared is gross poop on the wall! Had to clean that up. Then my sister calls, so I am on the phone with her since I have not spoken to her in a while and she is telling me about school and honor roll (I am so proud of her! She has really turned her life around for the better!) anyways so I am walking out to the kitchen while on the phone and who do I see?, Aidan with the brand new jar of peanut butter all over the carpet his clothes and hands and face and he was smiling. So I put the phone down carry him to the bathroom unlock it (we keep it locked because of how scary aidan can get (lol hince today all this stuff). so he is in there I tell my sister goodbye because it is to crazy, as I hang up and head back to the bathroom I get to the door way and what do I see? Aidan with hot wheel in hand toss it in the toilet and flush, hot wheel gone to the ocean for all I know (wish the hot wheel would have let me hitch a ride, I would have been more then willing to go today). So I get him out of the tub sit here for a second PRAYING OUT LOUD that GOD just take all of this for me today and let me get what I need to done.I go out to clean up the peanut butter and my older son has walked all through it so now there are peanut butter tracks all over the living room and dining room (hansel and gredel can surely find their way home in my house with these tracks) Then I get an email from ebay :( Because our bank is overdrafted and we have been working with the bank, ebay tried to take my monthy fees out, but was declined so now they are shutting my listing and buying options off until I pay the fees!!! OMG what next, without ebay I can't pay the damn bank off there for we are really up shit creek this time (sorry for that curse word :(). I feel like my life in this one single day is over! Everything is going bad, I am trying to stay positive but it's not working, I even had a melt down and called dustin begging him, pleading with him that he please rush home to save me and take the boys out so I can get my work done, please if you pray, say one for me? I really need it today :(

Okay off to try and work again :(

nikki

Sigh, i'm sleepy

I went to bed super late last night, was having fun playing the online monopoly with Kristie. It's very addicting. I got up around 9am this morning, got ready to go down to the bank to talk about our account and get some papers notarized. When I got back home the apartment was a HUGE MESS. LOL It always is when DH is watching the boys ;) I cleaned up a little (there is still a huge mess, but I am so lazy right now, I will get to it later lol) DH left to work and the boys and I watched some cartoons together. Both Aidan and I fell asleep, I slept for about an hour and was woken up by the phone.

so here I am now sitting back here working on more paper piecings, I want to have them sent out tomorrow. I also really need to get some eBay stuff up. We got some super awful news yesterday :( My DH was layed off of his second job, We were just getting by with his two jobs so this is going to make it super hard on us now. So I really need to step it up now and get eBay going stronger now. DH losing his second job has him very depressed again, he feels like he is not doing good enough for his family. I can not tell you enough how much it makes me sad to see him this way. I just want to snatch him up and hold him. I keep trying to reassure him that things will be okay (God I hope so), that he was working so hard and maybe this is a good thing, God never sends us things that we can't handle. So I am praying now that DH will start to feel better and not be to hard on himself.

I am planning to spend lots of time this weekend scrapping, I want to get some layouts done using my new WSD Aug stamp kit. It's awesome! and I can't wait to try it out. I have an eBay kit almost done (just set aside to work on these ppings) that I used WSD stamps on :) I find myself reaching for them on everything I make lately lol, they are super addicting. Okay I need to get back to work, just thought I would pop in to update a little. I hope you all are having a great day!

ttys

Nikki

Early day

I got up at 6:30am this morning, lol it's be a LONG time since I have been up this early, I layed in bed for a while just relaxing and watching some music videos. Dustin left for work, he ha sthe day off from Costco but is working for Dave washing the windows at Golds Gym with Jeff. He will hopefully be home in a couple hours. As soon as I finish writing this entry I am going to spend the day finishing my eBay kits, and try and get the rest of the ppings for Donna done, (I am on Q and only have 7 left. I want to get them done in the next day or so and out to her, because I am going to have a busy week with eBay kits and My WSD DT stuff. WooHoo, I am thinking today is going to be a good mail day, I have two WSD stamp orders that should be here today, my DT kit, My Britney Spears sunglasses (blushing smiley here) I ordered from eBay and my LM Kit. LOL Maybe today will make up for the lack of mail last week, lol yep mail i sthe highlight of my days, seriously, it is such an event for me to go down stairs and walk to the rec center to get my mail and if there is none I come up stairs with such a pouty face lol, lol well I do come up stairs with a pouty face when it is just BILLS too :)

I can't wait for Dustin to get home, he is Taking me to Cut N' Paste (LSS) to get a couple sheets and maybe a ribbon pack of the new Chatterbox stuff. I can't wait for LM to get it in too. I am dying to see what the embellishment kits look like in person. I spent all day yesterday and some of Saturday redoing my whole scrap office area , I switched tables around, brought supplies out of the closet so I can see them and start using them more. It's an "L" shape (the tables) I put the 8ft table on the left side and the two 4ft tables next to each other so one of them sits right under the window now, this is the spot I work now. LOTS of space. OOOOOOOOOO So I was at walmart yesterday and went over to where they have their cork boards and dry eraser boards and found a HUGE Magnet board (white to match my scraproom furniture), so I had to have it for all my Wendi Speciale Designs stamps and Magmounts, I LOVE it so much! It's so handy, now I cane see all my stamps, no more digging through the July box (that the July kit came in) where I previously stored them, lol I have so many now that it would take a while to look for the one I needed. so this board is awesome. I also reorganized my 12x12 clear plastic tray paper holders (from LM kits) I am now thinking I will need more. I have 4 of them almost all fully stocked (except yellow) with bazzill, and I have 3 full of Chatterbox paper. I will be getting more to store all my Moments Defined Products in so it's all organized by lines and right there for me to {CrEAte} with. I have all other Patterned paper in my wire cubes (Costco). I also moved all my ribbon, so the shelf that holds all my MM paints (LOTS of those lol) now have my inks and foam stamps on it. I also cleared a whole shelf that will be just for my little boxes and WSD kit boxes. Anyways I am really loving the new set up. Next thing on my list to get which I really need so badly is a Computer chair, my old chair broke a week ago and I have been sitting on one of the end tables from the living room lol (blush), cool thing about this is I get to sit Indian style better :) (which I love to do when I scrap, or a half Indian style (one leg folded the other leg hanging down) lol, yes I know, I am strange lol but it's what is nice for me when I work.

Okay well I better get off the computer now and get this kit done FINALLY. I will pop in a little later, to chat a little more.

I hope you all have a wonderful day today! :)

Nikki

Andy Milonakis

“The Andy Milonakis Show”
I rock peas on my head but don’t call me a pea head. Bees on my head but don’t call me a bee head. Bruce Lee’s on my head but don’t call me a Lee head. Now please excuse me, I gots to get my tree fed. You wear name brands and I make my own clothing. I hang out with an apple who loves self-loathing.“I hate myself.” Pancake on my face makes me extra happy. I like shampoo bottles that sit on my lappy. Cause it’s my show you can’t tell me what to do. When life hands me lemons I make beef stew. So yo I gotta go, it’s time for me to rock it. I put baloney in my left pocket. Smear some cream cheese in my gold locket . Cause it’s my show I’m Andy Milonakis. It’s my show I’m Shmandy Shmila-Shmakis. It’s my show I’m Andy Milonakis."

LOL have any of you seen this show on MTV? We are watching it right now, and I have to admit It's hard to look away lol, in fact..... I like it, it's silly humor, which ROCKS lol. Great another Mtv show I will be watching now lol. I LOVE Laguna Beach, Real world, lol well pretty much all the shows lol :)

OOOOOOO and speaking of Luguna Beach the new season starts tomorrow, I can't wait! :)

3:00am and I can't sleep

I woke up about an hour ago, well when my husband decided to come home. I fell asleep with the boys at about 11:30 tonight, I fell asleep on the couch with my book, lol I had flashbacks of my parents waiting up for me as a teen, porch light on, dad with the TV on, mom with a book. This was pretty much me tonight, I get like that everytime my husband spends a late night with the boys. It was not suppose to be a night with the boys, actually I made plans with my husband at the start of the week for us to go out on a date (with the boys of course) I was thinking a dinner out somewhere, since we have moved to Idaho we have not had one date. Well he came home today talking about going out with his friends from work tonight. I was so hurt! I think this is what started my gloomy afternoon/night. I admit it, in a way I am GREEN with envy, jealous, I am jealous that he gets to go out, that he has friends, I am sad that I can't be with him. I was also hurt because of our broken plans. I tend to say really stupid things when I am upset too, which only makes things harder on me in the long run. YES I understand that my husband was only 20 when we got pregnant with our first son, I was 21. We were still very young, there are many things we missed out on. I lost all my friends because we lived totally different lives after that. My husband worked so hard for his new family (5 years later and he still works that hard) at one time he had three jobs at once just to help us get by. It's ALOT of money to raise a young family in CA. We were paying $750.00 a month for rent on a studio apartment. Utilities were about $350-$450 a month. My husband worked this hard so I could stay home and raise our kids, I will forever be grateful for that. It was my husbands Idea to move us to ID. We could have a wonderful apartment (to start out with, we plan to try and own a home some time in the future), a great community, great schools for the boys when it was time for them to go, just a better life. Although I was so upset to leave my family and his, I knew that this had to be the best thing for us. I can tell you now that this year has been one HUGE learning experience. We have had many ups and downs.

Tonight I needed to have a talk with my husband. I have felt so lost the past couple months. We have problems like any other marriage does, and we have done a darn good job getting through them. But tonight, him "ditching" me to go with his friends, brought out these emotions I was hiding deep down inside. When he got home tonight (2am) and woke me from my sleep, I let them out. Things that I had been thinking about,problems we have been having my feelings etc. I told him it felt like somewhere in the last 5 years I lost "Me", the person I use to be with the big hopes and dreams for her family and her future. I found her tonight. Although she may be different, she is still there. I also found something tonight that I thought I lost... My husbands love. YES I know he loves me, but I am talking about that love, that secure feeling, that emotional love, that love I felt 5 years ago. Lately (well since our talks a couple months ago about separation) I have felt down, like maybe the love is gone and this, what we have is just routine, something we were just use to. But after laying all of me (LOL Nikki "Raw" and very emotional) out there for him to see tonight, what I got back from him was amazing! Here I had thought so many things, like that he hated me spending all this time scrapbooking, trying to make something out of it, having my job be selling page kits on eBay and a couple special orders here and there, thinking he could careless and seemed pretty annoyed with it. Well let me tell you, tonight I was ready to give up everything, I thought this could be the reason things have been so rocky lately. He assured me it was not, that he thinks I am amazing with what I do, that he loves my eBay job, he wants me to do this, he said he knows this (for the most part lol) is what makes me happy, being able to do this and be home with the boys. It made me feel so good to hear him say these things, here I thought he did not care. Communication, that is the key and something we need to work on. We are still new at this, our family, our marriage, it has only been 5 years. With that said we have been through so much it actually feels like it's been 20 lol, (not in a bad way).

Okay I know I am rambling now, but had to come journal what I was thinking just now, while I was in bed looking at the lights pour in from the window and dance on the wall. This is fresh and what probably is keeping me from sleeping right now. Now that it is out, my eyes are beginning to feel like sandbags and I am getting so sleepy. I have lots to do tomorrow, grocery shopping, finish my kit and get started on that custom order of ppings again, I want to have that finished by the end of next week so I can have lots of time to work with my Stamp kit (DT stuff) from Wendi Speciale Designs.

Okay I am headed back to bed to cuddle with my husband and sleep, I will try to post tomorrow, not sure though, it will be a pretty busy day.

I hope you all have a wonderful day!

Nikki