Friday, November 14, 2008


I hate feeling so blue :( but lately it's starting to really get to me. I know a lot of people are going through stuff right now with the economy being so stinky right now. I am depressed right now. Mostly because of the fact that I still do not have a working car for me. It's been since the first week of June that the transmission went out on the explorer. We have fixed it so many times since we have gotten it and with money and Dustin only have the one job now money is just to tight to spend $3000 to fix it. I was fine with it at first, I got to use my MIL's car (she has a couple, so it was not putting her without a car) this past summer for Aidan's preschool which is a bit far if you have three kids to walk to. I was so grateful for that. But just as soon as school started for everyone I was without a car again. I now walk if we need to get somewhere during the day that is close by. But being stranded in this home for the last 4 1/2 months has really gotten to me now. I was doing good losing weight but as the weeks go by I get more blue and I now have gained 5 pounds. I miss doing the normal things, like shopping at the store, running errands just being able to be apart of the outside world that is more then a few blocks away. I miss having some kind of independence, I now have to rely on my husband for everything again, Doctors appointments, shopping, I have to wait around for him to get home if there is something I want to do, then I feel guilty for everyone ( hubby and the kids) because we have to drag everyone out if I want to go to the library or anything that has to do with me. Another thing is I have tried to get a job, putting in apps in a few places but a lot of people are being laid off right now, so that is hard. I just want things to get better :( I am so tired of feeling this way! I hate being depressed, it makes me moody and causes problems with everyone.

Anyways sorry for the downer post, I am just blue today and this has been on my mind. I am going to go finish the rest of my book before Dustin and Austin leave. They have a date with my MIL and her family at the movies to see the new James Bond movie (my MIL's treat) This gives me time to spend with Aidan and Bella tonight. I am thinking some reading, coloring and a movie, they will like that and maybe I will be able to relax some :)

I have some pictures I will post tomorrow to make up for the downer post :)



  1. I'm sorry you're going through this, Nikki! :( Being without a car is FRUSTRATING!! We did it for the first 4 years of our marriage. It was such a pain. And not finding the job you are looking for. That can't be helping. I'm glad you vented. I usually feel better when I do. You're in my thoughts, and I'm hoping things go better for you SOON!

  2. Nikki! I know exactly how you feel because I've been without a car for the last few months too. Sometimes I manage to keep my feelngs under control, but about every week or so, I get frustrated with the inability to just go somewhere when one needs to get out. It's even worse when there's no money AND no car, because even if you HAD the car, you have no money to spend! What I have found that helps, just enjoying being with my boys during the day, and reading thought provoking books to keep my mind busy...and oh yes, I have a list of goals I need to accomplish by the end of the year, sort of a to do list. That way, at least I will feel like I am getting some things done, even when I don't feel like doing anything. Because that's how it gets, you feel like giving up. Find what will keep your mind busy, and do it! I guess that's my suggestion.

  3. Sorry about this happening! I have been feeling the same think but I have a car but just don't want to leave! Get some scrapping and card making done that might bring smiles to your face!

  4. Hmm, I also have a car but ZERO desire to leave. I can not get myself motivated to go out and take care of the MUST do stuff! I've needed groceries for over a week now and just can't get the mojo up. I feel about 150 years old for the first 4 hours after I wake up, and by the time I start to feel decent the last thing I want to do is go out and deal with the crowds and traffic. It's a vicious cycle.

    I guess I'm just saying I feel ya. I know where you are coming from. Diff situations but the blues are the blues, are the blues...

    I tell you what. I'll say a prayer for you and you say one for me. It can't hurt, right? :)

  5. Oh Nikki, I hate that you are feeling so blue girl! :( I can hear the frustration and sadness in your blog entry, and it makes me wish that I was close enough to help you and get you out for a fun girls' night out! (HUGS) my dear friend!!
    I continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers, and truly hope that this economy picks up for everyone and you especially are able to secure an outside job and get some extra funds to get the car repaired. You know to e-mail or IM me if you wanna vent or chat - ANYTIME! Love you girl...

  6. Girl, I feel for ya! I've been there myself as we were without a second car for about 5 years and dh worked and used our only car. He drove about 40 miles both to and from, so it wasn't even like I could drop him off and take the car. It's definitely no fun feeling "trapped". And now we do have a second car, but most days I don't even have the motivation to go any where any how! Depression just sucks. If we lived close I'd surely pal around with ya girl!