Wednesday, August 17, 2005

When will I feel right?

I am in such a funk this morning, I can't seem to get my thoughts straight and I just wanna Cry. Do you ever have one of these days? I have been super depressed lately and alot of "home" personal things have gotten to me. So much so I am starting to have panic attacks, (which if you ever have had are NOT GOOD! The pain is the worst!) I went to bed simi early last night, I had to get up because at 11:00 D would be home from work and I knew he would be hungry so I fixed him something to eat. (I have been super busy this week getting things ready for our long CA trip next week) I wanted to go back to sleep, so as I am serving him his food at about 11:30 there is this LOUD annoying knock on our door. I was freaked out! WHO would be here this late? And knocking like that? AHHHH It was my BIL, I was so anrgy to see him there! At this hour and when it was time for us to go to bed! Well I guess Fil bought him a new used car yesturday and he wanted D to help him with it. Dustin tried to get him to leave but he would not listen! He is VERY stubborn! Well he was out there for 40 minutes making so much noise that I will honestly be surprised if we do not get a complaint for noise notice! I just went to my room, read the Big Brother live feed message boards and went to bed. Well I get up this morning start cleaning, Dustin is clearing off the purch and I am getting ready to carpet clean the apartment so it's nice and fresh when we get back from vacation. GUESS what, a KNOCK at the door! And it is BIL AGAIN! Darn it! He now wants D to help him install a radio in his car. I have not really seen or spent time with my DH in a week and here comes my BIL again, oh and I can not tell you the TUDE he gave me at the door, he told me to "get my brother NOW!!!!) He just turned 18 in March and now he owns the world? Geeezzz what happened to him? he use to be so sweet and I did not mind him being around.

I worked so hard this past week to get some extra money to finish paying off the bank so we would not have that debt hanging over our heads when we got back to (BTW My MIL is paying for our CA trip). I even had to auction of my Jolees collection and my dear sweet friend Kristie won them. I am so happy they are going to her and so blessed to have her in my life, she is truly a wonderful friend so talented! And just the sweetest gal ever! I am really going to miss her though :( see we are going on vacation and when I get back she will be leaving for a while, I am going to be so lost without her :(

My mother called last night to tell me that after 18 years her and my Dad are getting married while we are in CA, we are all so very excited and I am so happy I will be there to see it and my Sister YAY. She asked me what I was doing and I said I spent the day taking photos, cropping them and uploading them to inkfrog to auction off the boys baby clothes, she asked me how much I thought I would get for the HUGE 93 item lot of everything and tons of name brands, I said I was hoping for at least $100, she said she would buy them off of me so I would not have to list them and that will be her gift to her young friend at work (she already gave her our baby crib, rocking chair for nursing and stroller) I said thank you so much and she said to bring the box down with us when we go next week. My mom is awesome! I also spoke with MIL last night, lol I was trying to get (Weds plans out of her LOL) she giggled at me and said it is something fun that is close to home (her home) and we and the boys will love it. I am thinking it might be the Circus lol :)

Oh my as I was typing this the phone rang, it was BIL, now he wants D to go get him because his new car battery exploded or some excuse like that! My gosh all kinds of things are unfoiling right now :( I have to go, i'll be back later :(

Nikki


2.36pm
Okay so D bought a new carpet cleaner (the old one gave out, I loved it too) and he comes home with this TINY little carpet cleaner lol I am going to have to take a picture of it and post it, it is so tiny! and thing is because it is so tiny it now makes my 6 hour job turn into a 10 hour job :( I am going to be carpet cleaning all day! Okay popping back off to get to work, just got on to chek my EBAY auctions :)

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Either I am getting old or I am blessed with lots of laugh lines ;)

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
CLOSE UP
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

LOL I was looking at them this morning while washing my face (one of those first things you do in the morning when you wake) I am always smiling and boy do those babys show up nice and noticeable when I smile. My mother calls then laugh lines. I just think it's a sign that I am getting older. Part of life I suppose.

I woke up early this morning and had the whole apartment clean by around 11am. Even got the last load of laundry done YAY! Now I am sitting back here debating taking pictures of the rest of the baby clothes to get up on ebay, BOY was this a job! I had to sort through all the different sizes, make a bunch of piles, and then you have to take pictures of each LOT and each outfit in a LOT. I am also working on a summer page kit, hope to have that up tonight, but we shall see. I am hoping when D gets home from work that I can go in and take a nice hot bath and read for a while, it's been a couple weeks since I have had time to read so It is much needed! Okay well I better get back to work, I just finished going over "ABC's" with Aidan, it was so cute! He loves his Elmo learning table. TTYL Hope you are all having a good day! :)

Nikki

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

The voice within

Well I changed my music for this page to one of my favorite songs, This song has been an anthem to me through some rough times. I used this song on a layout I did last summer, layout entitled "The voice within" also. This layout meant so much to me! Not only was it one of my first layouts I ever did for my
"book of me" album, but it touch on a deeper part of my life, a battle that I over came. An eating disorder and it touched the surface of the depression I suffer from. I would like to share with you the journaling I did for this layout, right now I can't share the layout because it is being published in Memory Makers Ideabook "My scrapbook My story". I am so nervous about it being published. My own personal battles with depression and an eating disorder is going to be out there in the world for millions of people to see, to read, and in a way I feel blessed, maybe there are others out there that will be touched by my story, my layout because maybe they have been through something like it? Anyways here is the journaling on this layout...

"I have thought about making this layout for sometime now.This page is for my about me album. I realized in making this album that I have to include the good with the not so good.I included on this layout a song I like to think of as an Anthem for me. I suffer from depression, I have since I was 11 years old. I grew up thinking I had to be perfect, look and act perfect. The sad feelings and thoughts I had soon became an eating disorder, that I suffered with until my early twenties. I may have looked and seem normal on the outside but inside I felt alone. I thought constantly about flaws in myself and problems I seemed to cause others. Eventually, through counseling and my family and friends, I learned that many others battle depression, that I am not alone.I found the strength to over come my ED. I still have off days where I battle mild depression, but the thing that keeps me on track are my husband and boys. Also the great bond I have with my dear friends I found on an online community. I know that if I trust in myself and listen to the voice within things will be okay!"

"Song lyrics "Voice within"
Young girl, don't cry I'll be right here when your world starts to fall
Young girl, it's all right Your tears will dry, you'll soon be free to fly
When you're safe inside your room you tend to dream
Of a place where nothing's harder than it seems
No one ever wants to bother to explain
Of the heartache life can bring and what it means

When there's no one else Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength That will guide your way
You'll learn to begin To trust the voice within

Young girl, don't hide You'll never change if you just run away
Young girl, just hold tight And soon you're gonna see your brighter day
Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed
It's so hard to stand your ground when you're so afraid
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
When you're lost outside look inside to your soul

Life is a journey It can take you anywhere you choose to go
As long as you're learning You'll find all you'll ever need to know
Be strong, You'll break it, Hold on, You'll make it
Just don't go forsake it because No one can tell you what you can do
No one can stop you...

When there's no one else Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin ,To trust the voice within

Young girl don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall
Trust the voice within"

I have been thinking about this layout a lot now that it is so close to being out for the public eye to see.I am very proud I submitted it this and so honored it was picked up! And I am glad God gave me the courage to write it down, after all what is scrapbooking? It's a wonderful outlet and it allows you to share your life and memories with your loved ones, GOOD or BAD! I want to challenge those of you who read my blog, How about you sit down and think about something you have over come in life or you are going through, something personal, something with real feelings and meaning and please show me! I would love to see! It can be about anything just something about you good or bad!

Okay I better get back to work, everyone is alseep and this is the perfect time for me to get things done :) Good night

Nikki

Friday, August 5, 2005

Just messing around

With my camera :)

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

The power of being positive

Well I have been up early today, I actually woke up very sick last night (BAD BAD BAD double chocolate cookie dough blizzard from DQ (bush smiley here), so I went to sleep on the couch were I could feel the ceiling fan in the dining room blowing and cooling my skin (this has always made me feel better, as a child if I was sick I would turn on the ceiling fan in my room and after a while I would feel better, like the fan was helping bring my temp down, lol does that sounds strange? Honestly it works. Well I was awoken by the sweet sounds of my youngest son talking to my husband. So I turn my head to see and My husband had him all dressed and they were heading out to work to pick up his paycheck. I layed there on the couch for a while thinking how I could easily go back to sleep right now, but just feel so excited about today that I had to get up. I have Chatterbox on the brain. If you all know me you know how much I LOVVVVVVE Chatterbox! I have since the beginning (lets just say before the paper was called "cbx walls" lol. Well before I even knew about the sale at the chatterbox offices I had people email and iming me to get them a bag I was like what the heck are you taking about, I guess they did a search to see who lived in Idaho, and My name came up on a message board. That is fine I don't mind but alot of these people I have never spoken to. So I picked 4 people to get bags for (myself is the 4th person). I can not tell you how awful this whole thing has made me feel! In a way I wish I was not going now, I feel so bad for all those ladies who I had to turn down or who keep posting about needing a bag, I so wish that I could help, but with me, the two boys and dh and not to mention what a mad house it probably will be, 4 bags is all we can handle. I was in chat lastnight with Mely and Kristie and it dawn on me. You know what I am going to do, with "MY" Bag I am going to Rak a bunch of people, yes so it's not a whole bag I just can't do that, but I can send a few goodies to a few people. So keep a look out ladies, in a week or so some people will have a surprise package in the mail. Now I am just hoping by the time I get there 12pm my time that the preferred customers have not taken everything LOL and I can get my 4 bags for everyone.

I had so much fun lastnight, I worked on a page kit for ebay (almost done) and I played online Monopoly with Kristie and Dianna, LOL Dianna has a HONKING problem, there is a button in the game that you can push and (oooooo richard marx song is on that I haven't heard since I was in JR. High :) It HONKS like a horn lol. I think I am going to call her and Kristie Honkers now lol. Hoooooooonk That one was for you guys ;) and I sooooooo wanna rematch! I actually WON a game last night, I was actually shocked lol, I always lose! Oh and Kristie cheats ;) lol (just kidding).

Okay well I better go hop in the shower now and get ready for the day. I will post more later, If it is not crazy at the CBX place I will take my camera to get pictures :) Have a wonderful day Blog readers ;)

Nikki

Thursday, August 4, 2005

Can I get a SWEEEEET? Can I get a YEEHAW

mmmm I am sitting here with my lunch, A coke and a bowel of Velveeta Kraft Mac and cheese (shells) mmmm. I was woken up this morning by my husband, he has a plate of potatoes and Eggs he made me. You should have seen the look on his face so happy and proud, poor guy was a little upset when I took just a couple bites here and there and mostly played with it with my fork. Thing is I am not a morning eater, never have been, I remember getting ready for school and my mom being upset that I did not eat anything for breakfast, so she would have me eat a banana on my way to school, I remember getting sick once I hit the school grounds. After being up and awake a while I can eat but not when I first get up. Believe me those eggs and potatoes looked so good to but my stomach just could not take them. I love the fact that he got up extra early just to do this though, so sweet! It is about 1:30pm and I am finally eating for the day, D should be home from work in a couple hours. I need to call the front apartment office and let them know that the garbage disposal stopped working and it's a must that it gets fixed. I use that thing a couple times a day lol.

Well after watching Inked lastnight I went straight to bed, for two nights now at around 6pm I get this painful headache, I took meds for it but it just did not help, I have no clue what it could be from but I am drinking more water now like I shoul be. I need to make a shopping list for tomorrow and get more aquafina.

I have received a couple emails from ladies asking when I am going to get new layouts up lol, well I am working on stuff now, I did get one new layout up this week, but I was super busy the last couple weeks with custom kits and pping orders which is my "JOB" that pays me to bring money in that we need, so I had to set regular scrapping aside for a little while, But I am working on stuff now and will post them as soon as I finish :)

Okay well I have two more loads of laundry to do and finish this page kit for EBAY and then I get to start a layout WOOHOO :)

I hope you all are having a great day!

Nikki

Wednesday, August 3, 2005

Lots to do today

wow it's been a long weekend-week so far. I finished and mailed off a couple cutom orders I made for people. I have also been working on stuff with my WSD Aug kit, lots of fun! I received an email from Maegan from Little Red scrapbook the night before last and I made the TEAM! YAY! I am so very excited! I have always wanted to be apart of a kit club design team.

So for Aidan's birthday, D came home and I suggested taking the boys to the park and doing a BBQ there Well he had a better idea, he said lets all get ready and take this party camping lol. So we packed up stuff for camping and headed up to the mountains (about an hour away) and went to this spot we picked out when we went up that way a few months back for the snow. It's great it has a stream that runs through it and a great little area for the boys to play in. When we got there we unloaded the car, then D and and the boys put up the tent (it's a tent FIL gave us that they use to use on camping trips when D and his brothers were younger. After that D started the BBQ. We had hot dogs, hamburgers and I brough some bush baked beans but for got the pan for it so D cut open a coke can and used it as a pan to cook the beans LOL, very clever! While he cooked, the boys played a bit and then we decided to do the cake and presents before dinner because we were losing light. They had so much fun, D bought those trick candles that re-light after you blow them out, that was so funny to watch! We all hung out for a while exploring a bit and then D started a bon fire. So we roasted marshmellows and made Smoores. A couple hours later we all went to the tent, I journaled a bit in my journal and then tried to read but just decided to go to bed with them. Thing is when all the noises I could not sleep LOL, I kept waking up, I would check the cell phone to see the time and swear I woke up every hour on the hour lol, I would hear a car pass by and wonder who the heck was driving around up here at 2-3-4 am lol then at one time at about 2am thi s creature jumped on the top of the tent, he was very tiny but I could not see what he was, his 4 feet were about the size of my thumb nail, I woke D up and he pushed the creature down. Finally at about 5am I went to sleep lol. We got up, explored some more and then got everything packed and ready to go home. It was a great idea, we had alot of fun!

Now I have been working on some new ebay stuff and some layouts for the DT's. Super busy this week but having fun! Okay well I better get back! Oh before I forget I am so excited to live in ID! Chatterbox is having a huge free 4 all sale at their place you pay $10 and get $300 in products, I am already getting 4 bags full for the girls who asked and I wish i can do more then 4 but with two kids and my hands full I can't :( I feel so bad for those who email me to see if I can get them one :( believe me I truly wish I could, but 4 is all I can do.

Okay need to get back, laundry and kit is calling my name! TTYL

hope you all are having a great day!

Nikki

Here is a couple of the camping pictures....

Here is the birthday boy :)

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

here are the boys in the tent

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

here I am lol this was me in the morning I was reading my book (no make up lol YIKES) and look Kristie it's the hat you made me ;) it came in handy that night, kept me warm :)

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

and here is one of D :)
Image hosted by Photobucket.com