Sunday, November 27, 2005

Slowly but Surely

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For those of you who have been following my blog for sometime, you know I have been working out and losing weight since March. Well I popped on the scale today and have lost another 10 pounds since last week. I have actually only worked out once this past week though, I did a power walk last week in the morning on the trail next door. I think this weight is actually off because of the added stress in my life lately. Anyways, last week I also moved the treadmill in to the dining room from our bedroom (neighbors down stairs pound on my floor if I do it at 10am back there, since you know they are up all night and sleep all day "eye roll". So now I can walk on MY treadmill and also switch off at the gym. I have now lost 53 pounds since March. I have about 30 more pounds to go to reach my pre pregancy weight of 117/120. I am hoping to be down to that size by next summer, that would be so awesome! :)

Time Machine

My Husband asked me today if I could go back to when we first met and started our lives together, knowing what is happening now and how our life has been, would I do it again. I thought about it, and here is my answer....

If I could go back to Jan, 2000, YES I would still go out with him, yes I would still have my beautiful kids. BUT YES I would do things differently. First I would make sure that I did not blow off nursing school, Even though I was Pregnant with Austin, had a full time job I would still try my hardest to get through nursing school. Second I would have never chose to stay home, DO NOT get me wrong, I LOVE being able to be home with my precious boys, but because of me staying home, not working, not bringing in money, it has a big part in what our lives are like now. So yes I do blame myself for some of why things are not going good in our marriage and family now. I have also become so dependent on my husband. I hardly have any contact with the outside world, no friends etc. This is my fault. So yes if I could go back into time knowing what I know now, I would have done things different. I think this would have made me stay the strong girl I was back then. Now I feel like I do not matter, I am weak and far from strong.

I am not going to go into detail here about our problems, but it is not looking good. He wants to have "His" life to do what he wants and I want what's best for my kids. I have put 150% in to this but it's not working.

Anyways I don't even know why I posted this :( I just really have no one to talk to and it feels good to let it out.

Nikki

Thursday, November 17, 2005

DRAMA

More and MORE Drama with the neighbors downstairs. I have done everything I can to make everyone happy and it is not working :( I wish we had the money to buy a home, they are so cheap here and if we could save money we could, you can get a 3-4 bedroom, nice house here for 90-130 thousand. My parents live in CA, in a 3 bedroom the 740 thousand so YES WE CAN make it here, but we just need the money now. I went down today and got an APP from a place I am not going to mention yet, I don't wanna jinx myself lol. but I will post if I do get the job! It would be great! With me working and with D working we can start saving. We really wanna move to Bend, OR. (secretly I would love to go home to CA too :( I just miss it so much, my family and Friends). I have been talking to my best friend of about 17 years now on the phone and I just miss it there and her :(. Bend is a GORGEOUS place and would be great to raise our kids, plus it is affordable to.

Anyways I thought I would just pop in with a little update. Guess I could not stay away from my blog that long huh, funny when you let something go, you really do miss it. I love to journal. Okay going to go finish clean up the apartment and then maybe scrapbook :)

Nikki

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

apartment living :( AH!

I am back I will write a post after I get this out...

So I had problems with my neighbors down stairs a few days ago, I will post the thread I posted at LM when it was happening. I spoke with the manager and she is giving them two violations, one for noise late at night and the second for the crazy man not being on the lease but living there for more then 10 days. She said if they get one more canplaint that they will get their 30 notice. I was hoping with all that has happened that they would have been kicked out :( then yesterday while I was back here on the computer working on LM and GFTH stuff Dustin comes in and tells me that the crazy neighbors downstairs have friends that are looking at the apartment up stairs (shock) um okay yeah so now we can be sandwiched inbetween a BUNCH of crazies :( I am so upset about this. And I am just so said that I have to keep warning my boys to stop playing like normal because they might piss off the crazies down stairs :( I fill like this is prison instead of our place :( okay whine over I will go post a more positive post now....

Here is my thread I had at LM...

Repost-

It is now 1:16am and I have just been through heck and back! For those of your who have read my blog you will know what I am taking about from past vents. So we live in an apartment. On the second floor. We have had countless problems with the people who live below us, since they moved in. here is a quick recap, the very first night they moved in we were all awoken at 3am to the sound of a man and woman fighting, it got really bad to the point I thought the woman was badly beat up. I was so scared for her from what I heard. So the next day I called the manager and she said if it ever happened again to call the police, She also gave the woman a warning and told me that there should be NO man there , he is not on the lease (if you have a guest at your apartment who will be staying over for more than two weeks the than need to be added to the lease). Well I guess she knew right away it was us who called on her and so the crazyness begins. It started with them pounding here and there throughout the apartment, they would pound on their ceiling/our floor. One morning I was working out to my walk away the pounds dvd at 10am and she went crazy on the floor, pounding away and cursing. I called the manager right away and the manager came to both apartments (mine last) and said that the lady said there was no man there and that her and her kids were sick blah blah. Well first off I told the manager the lady could have come up here at said can you keep it down, we are not feeling good and trying to rest, But instead she acted like a child and pounded at her ceiling. She continued to pound off and on through the many days to come. a few weeks later I was in the kitchen putting dishes away and getting ready to bake a cake for the boys. Aidan was laying in the dining room with his blanket, looking like he was picking that spot for his nap. It was 4pm in the afternoon, he stomped his foot on the floor (while laying down) all of a sudden the woman/man started pounding away on our floor, aidan thought it was cool and pounded back, then them again, it went back and forth and I was getting POed! so I stomped back (jumping up and down three times, yes I know, I was now acting childish but I was so angry) I decided it was time to go down there for a talk with them as soon as dustin got home. Well minutes before dustin got home and some after they were in a huge fight down stairs, it sounded like the man was hitting her again. Well first I called the manager to let her know what was going on again. She told me that she wanted us to talk it out. So I went down I noticed her kids were in the car, but she was not there, I waited a while and then went to get the mail, when I was coming back she can out of her place so I went up to her and said, Hi, I think we need to talk. I got a dirty look and she was rude. We got into a heated argument about who is making more noise blah blah, then she tells me I am the childish one because I compain to the manager about her, I said she was because she pounds on the celing and is doing it to little kids who are either playing or just walking. It got REALLY REALLY loud and ugly, bad names back and forth etc. I screamed a few more things and went into the apartment. I was so mad! I could still hear her out side in her car screaming things, so I went back out and called her more names (YES I know we are both being childish now) she drove away, I went back inside. I sat back here thinking about posting what happened here or blogging it. I sat here looking at the screen and then I suddenly felt very bad, I have not behaved like that since highschool, and then I felt very low because I realized her kids were right there watching all of this. Soooo I went back downstairs and waited for her, aidan came with me and we played in the yard down there. When she came back she looked a little nervous. she just sat in her car. Finally she got out and I asked if we could start over. She smiled and looked happy about that. So we spoke out there for almost an hour. It was good, I told her I only called the first time because I was scared for her, because of the fights and she sounded like she was being hurt. She told me her BF looks mean but he really is not (I don't believe this because of many things that happened down there after this talk with her, and after tonight I know what he is like) He came back she introduced us and they went inside. I felt so much better after this. Our kids even played together at the park. Well about a month ago another one of these fights happened, and someone in our building called the police. The man had blood on him and when asked by the poice why? He said "I grabbed a picture of here off the shelf and broke it over my head" so see see what we are working with here.... anyways, I have no doubt in my mind that these people think it was us who called, soooo then the fauding begins again I got ugly looks from her, there was pounding etc. Well tonight, it is 10:00 Dustin gave both boys a bath, got them dressed and they were all sitting in the dark living room playing video games. I am sitting back here in my room at the computer working, not making much sound at all. the tv was on, but very low (I was watching how to lose a guy in 10 days) well I start hearing pounding back here, my heart jumped it scared the heck out of me. Aidan comes running back and says pounding, pounding. I get up to go into the living room to ask if dustin heard it, he says no. So I start walking back to my room and there it is again only 1,2,3,4,5,6 pounds very loud, shook the stuff on my shelves. I am getting angry again, I sit back down here and there it is again 1,2,3,4 pounds, so I get up and stomp back 3 times. more pounding from them. So I get my nikes on as fast as I can, I don't even lace them and head downstairs. I knock three times. No answer, so I knock three more times, still nothing. As I start to walk away the man opens the door, I ask if there is a problem and right away he blocks me from looking in and says that my kids are pounding, I said no sir, I am the only on in that room right now and I was sitting down working, there was no noise. He starts yelling and says my kids are loud and pounding, so I say again, no sir they are in the living room with their dad, far away from where you were pounding. he yells at me that he can hear them. I say sir if you have a problem them you should come up at tell me, please don't pound, he yells at me. I tell him even if they were being loud or stomping I can not stop them from walking in their own home or telling them they can not play right now, I said look your kids are awake and screaming right now (they were just having fun playing, I could hear them) I said so why are you making a big deal out of this when the same thing is happening in your home (as far as the kids being up and all) he tells me his are not stomping, I laugh and say um yeah well how do we know what it sounds like no one lives under you right? But I can tell you like I told your GF before that we can hear you guys, we can here the kids playing at 1am, you guys talking, the walls and floors and thin and this is going to happen sometimes. He gets mad and starts to close the door cursing at me, I then get mad and say that I will just tell the manager in the morning, he curses, and then I say back, I am sure she will be pleased to here that you have been staying here for the past two weeks when you have been told before that that is against the rules. Door closes I head back upstairs. 20 minutes later, Dustin is in bed and the boys are sitting with me getting ready for bed and watching cartoons. There is a knock at the door. It's the police. I let all three in. They say they got a call that someone was hurting their kids and that it was our apartment. I roll my eyes and say are you sure it was not down stairs. he says no it was here. They say they got a call that a man was hitting his kids up here. (the boys are both sitting with me on the couch happy as can be, excited to see police (they love police shows and toys and games) I tell them that Dustin was sleeping has been for a while now. They asked when he came home, I said a couple hours ago, they asked how long he was sleeping, I said about 30 minutes. they said they got the call 15 minutes ago. They asked if there was fighting going on in the building and I told them everything about what happened tonight with the people downstairs plus everything from before. said not only have I complained but so have others and if they wanted to see for them selves they could call the manager. They were very friendly to the boys, who were running around looking at the police men, they said aidan looked like he could be a football player etc. lol They said they were so sorry they had to come out that is was obviously just a case of fauding neighbors. they said that they were going to go down stairs to see if they could get thinsg better between all of us. everything calmed down, the police finally left and everyone in our apartment were alseep by 11:00pm. I called the office and left a message for the manager explaining what happened tonight and that I wanted to speak with her in the morning. So I am sitting back here, everything is off except the muted tv in the living room were austin fell asleep and my computer which is muted to since everyone was sleeping. I was shrinking photos in photoshop, at 11:30 I start hearing some crazy pounding on our floor/their ceiling in the living room where my son is sleeping. It was very crazy. then I hear doors slamming downstairs and the people going in and out of their apartment back and forth to the garbage and then more pounding in my living room. They had to have been tossing something hard and heavy against the ceiling, this woke austin up and was scaring the heck out of me! So first I call the office to get the noise on tape so the manager can hear it herself and know that I am not making this stuff up. Then I am on the phone with the police. I tell the lady who answered that I am not sure if this was the right number to call (911) because it's a complaint on neighbors not really an ER, she says she can take it, so I explain what was going on and then there is loud pounding at my front door, and the man is scream through my door, says his name and a ton of curse words. I am freaking out now, my whole family is asleep and this crazy guy downstairs is at my door screaming and knocking, the 911 lady tells me don not open the door BUT go ask what they want so I get there and do what she says, the man tells me to shut the f up that we are all making to much noise. I tell him that everyone in our house is sleeping, there is no noise. He tells me to open my door I say no, mean while the 911 lady can hear everything he says, then the lady from downstairs (I think she is seriously on drugs!) tells me to open the f'in door "B word". I tell them that I am on the phone now to the police and they run down stairs. The lady on the phone says there should be police there now and hangs up. So they go down stairs to talk, within a minute they are back up here, I let them in, it's three again, two of them that were here earlier. they say that they were pounding because they said we have music going on loud up here, and the police then say they could hear it too, that it was very loud, I say sir my family all went to bed right after you guys left earlier (it's 12:00am now) they could see that from austin on the couch and one of them took a peek in my room to see aidan and d asleep and my computer on (I told them I was up still doing work, had a couple last minute things to do for work and then was going to bed) they sent one of the officers down stairs who then came right up and said he could still hear the loud music from down there but it was obvious that it was not coming from our apartment. So they opened the balcony and looked out thinking it could be apartments behind us or the neighbors on the therside of them next door (on their left or right downstairs). They again said they were so sorry about all of this and that they would handle it with the people downstairs. I heard them tell the people downstairs that the noise was not coming from us that everyone WAS in deed alseep in out apartment that they saw for themselves, and that it was someone in one of the other apartments, I could hear the lady laughing. they more words I could not make out and then the police left. I have countinued to hear them yell and bang thinsg downstairs. I am just sitting here freaked out. I left yet a third and final message to the manager letting her know what just happened and that the neighbors where up here knocking and I am sure everyone in our building could hear what happened. I have no clue what will happened tomorrow, but I am sure the manager is not going to be to pleased with any of us at this point. I honestly tried to make thinsg better by going down and trying to work on this like the manager asked me to, but it did not work! I can say I HATE apartment life! This is so sad, that we have to deal with this. This never happened with the nice woman and son who use to live down there the first year and a half we lived here. We also have MIL as a witness to this wackyness. While she was here, the lady downstairs just lets here young kids, 3 and 6 go out to the park by themselfs everyday, well she watches two other little girls 2 and 3 and they were all outside hanging of the stairs and in their panties, running up and down the carport, no one watching them. We were all leaving and noticed no one was out watching them, so we (the boys me and mil) watched and waited in the car as dustin asked the little girls to go back inside their house with their mom he then went to the door and knocked, it opened but the mother was no where to be seen, so they little girls went in and dustin closed the door. We all left, I of course forgot some pants I had to return (we were going to the mall) so we turned around and sure enough within 5 minutes the little girls were back outside in their underwear alone! My MIL witnessed this, so this is just more proof. I really hope something will be done this time. Not only was I scare tonight but I was freaked out for my family. If you made it this far, thank you so much for letting me vent. I could not call anyone because it's late so I thought I would vent here. Thanks to those of your for listening to me and please if you have any advice on this, if you have been through stuff like this with neighbors I would love some advice on what you did! Thanks ladies! I am now off to bed, I am so tired, but still so scared!

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Break from bloggin

I am going to be takin a break from bloggin, not sure if it will be a long one, or if I will be bloggin again next week. To much is going on around here, I am in a funky mood and I just don't have it in me to blog right now. Not that anyone even really reads what I have to say anyways...

Far well blog, until we meet again...

Nikki

Wednesday, November 9, 2005

Bad blogger... Bad blogger, Chatterbox addict yikes

I am sorry to those who like to read my blog, sorry I have not updated in a while, it's been a busy couple of weeks! I am back though :) Nothing to new going on, I started back at the gym again, I am hoping it sticks longer this time LOL. We had a great Halloween weekend and it was so wonderful having my MIL here, I was so sad and depressed when she left :( I really miss her and my family in CA. We took the boys to the park, pumpkin patch, shopping, we baked goodies, it was just a great visit. I am sad that I did not get in to many pictures. I was really sick on Sunday, the kinda sick where you can't hold anything down and you have to stay in bed all day. I was so thankful my MIL was here, I have no idea how I would have done it without her!

I have been a busy girl this week, lots of DT stuff to do and I also have the Lifetime moments charity auction to work on this week. We just got it up today, and it is doing great so far! So many talented people donated their awesome work for the cause (to help kids in need at Christmas).

I just got my cards ideabook/magazine back today, I got my two cards, two copies of the book and an awesome goodie box! I got a SEI kit pack and OMGOSH I got a few sheets of one of the new CBX lines, of course not enough to fill the need but I got a few lol, I totally need more! and can not wait to get my hands on more of this line and the other new line. I have a BAD BAD BAD Chatterbox addiction, I mean it's nuts! I have been...well....... collecting the paper for a few years now, my collection is now over 5 inches tall! I am serious! This is my all time favorite pattern paper line! Just to show you what a nut I am I took a couple pictures of it lol (blush) SEE....

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I told you and you know what, I NEED MORE! I am serious! Everytime I have a little extra change I get a couple sheets here and there. It is a sickness, a good, wonderful, amazingly awesome sickness lol and OMGOSH The smell! My chatterbox paper smells sooooooooo good! (okay now I just sound like a crazy person lol) well what can I say, I am an ADDICT!

Nikki