My Husband asked me today if I could go back to when we first met and started our lives together, knowing what is happening now and how our life has been, would I do it again. I thought about it, and here is my answer....
If I could go back to Jan, 2000, YES I would still go out with him, yes I would still have my beautiful kids. BUT YES I would do things differently. First I would make sure that I did not blow off nursing school, Even though I was Pregnant with Austin, had a full time job I would still try my hardest to get through nursing school. Second I would have never chose to stay home, DO NOT get me wrong, I LOVE being able to be home with my precious boys, but because of me staying home, not working, not bringing in money, it has a big part in what our lives are like now. So yes I do blame myself for some of why things are not going good in our marriage and family now. I have also become so dependent on my husband. I hardly have any contact with the outside world, no friends etc. This is my fault. So yes if I could go back into time knowing what I know now, I would have done things different. I think this would have made me stay the strong girl I was back then. Now I feel like I do not matter, I am weak and far from strong.
I am not going to go into detail here about our problems, but it is not looking good. He wants to have "His" life to do what he wants and I want what's best for my kids. I have put 150% in to this but it's not working.
Anyways I don't even know why I posted this :( I just really have no one to talk to and it feels good to let it out.