Tuesday, May 31, 2005

It's Tuesday

WOW. What a morning. I got up with Aidan, watched an hour of Buffy on FX and then came online to check a couple emails, and message boards.

I received an email from Wendi, and got to see what the July Kit looks like ( I am a guest designer for July) OMGosh! I was in shock! This kit is amazing! I can not wait to create with it! Thanks so much Wendi :)

I cleaned the apartment early today so I can get going on a new page kit for ebay. I wrote down a bunch of themes I am going to work on this week and now I need to go through and print out paper piecing patterns to match the themes and patterned paper. Then go set up my work station on the kitchen bar.

Oh I also did my 1 mile walk away the pounds DVD by Leslie Sansone, I loved it, it has been awhile since I have done that work out so afterwords my legs and hiney were twitching LOL, that means it was a good work out ;) okay well I need to get to work, I will post more later

Monday, May 30, 2005

Memorial day and the BBQ

5 years ago today was mine and Dustin's first date. We had been seeing each other a couple months before then but just hanging out. He would walk me home, we would hang out under the stars on the grass talking at night at Lincoln Highschool, he would hang out with my family daily, and we would always be on the phone with eachother. We finally had our first date on Memorial Day 2000. My mother invited him to go with us to a family friends home. They had a Victorian house moved to down town area of san jose in the historical area. So it was kind of a house warming/Memorial day BBQ. It was so much fun! I remember the way he looked at me that day. I remember him leaning in for our first kiss on the swing set in the back yard. I remember the hot almost summer air and breeze at night when we sat in the back yard talking. It was beautiful.
Now when this day comes each year that we have been married we remember that day back in 2000, it was almost magical! lol I can still see Dustin in his hawaiian shirt, shorts, sandels. I can still feel that strong feeling I had for him then, this day would also be something else special to me, it was the day he first told me he loved me! We had known eachother for a while, and shared our first kiss that night and he told me he loved me. I remember a week before then my mother offered to drive him home from work that day, when we pulled up to the apartment he shared with his brother Russell, he got out, as he was going around to the back of my mom's explorer she whispered to me "you know I can see that this boy loves you very much, it is in the way he looks at you, the way he smiles when you talk, the way you make him smile" I remember how I felt when my mother told me this, I had huge butterflies in my stomach, and felt some much emotion, as I watched him walk up the stairs to his apartment door holding his bike I remember feeling a little sad, sad that he had to leave me, we had hung out so much, everyday and if we were not together we were on the phone together. lol we both even had to buy cell phones so we could still talk to each other when his brother was on his home phone and my sister was on our home phone.

Okay Memorial Day present (2005). Today was a great day. We went to my FIL'S house for a BBQ, Colleen, the boys and I all went out and feed the neighbors cow and goats through the fence. I took so many pictures today lol, I think maybe over 70 lol I will post them once I have them uploaded, well a couple not all 70 lol. I played on the HUGE grassy yard with the boys, I even got aidan to sit with me under the big willow tree. I love willow trees, when we own our home I want one, so I can set up a hammick under the willow and read. I also want Lilac trees so I can smell the beautiful fragrance. We had a great BBQ with ribs, chicken, hot dogs for the boys, baked beans, garlic bread and corn YUM! And for dessert we brought an Oreo cream pie. It was such a beautiful day too.

Okay well I think I need to get to bed, I have a long day tomorrow with page kits, I need to get back on the ball again. Nightie Night

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Sweet Sundays

Well I was up bright and early with Aidan. I watched a little "Next and Made" on MTV and then went about cleaning. I still have alot to clean since I have spent the last hour reading a few message boards and emails lol. After I finish cleaning I plan to spend the rest of the day scrapbooking for me. I should make another ebay kit since my last one up ends today but I think I am going to start taking the weekends off from page kits and keep them for me and my scrapbooking. I will work tomorrow. I like to now set up the kitchen bar with my kit stuff and work out there, away from the computer LOL ;), because I tend to get more work done.

Dustin took Austin to go see Madagascar

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a while ago and it is just me and Aidan here and he is sleeping so I thought I could come back here for a while pop in a CD (Julie Roberts is in there now) and read my favorite MB's and blogs. I should get back to the pile of unfolded clothes on my bed lol, then I can finish cleaning my scrap area and get started on a new layout :)

I did not get much done yesturday, I have been kind sick this past week, the thought of food makes me sick and I get easy stomach upsets lately. So I have lots to do today, I better get back to it now lol, I'll be back on later...

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Pure imagination part 2, The Park, Wallybumpkins and papercut

"Hold your breath. Make a wish. Count to three. Come with me And you'll be In a world of pure imagination. Take a look And you'll see Into your imagination. We'll begin With a spin Traveling in the world of my creation. What we'll see Will defy Explanation. If you want to view paradise Simply look around and view it. Anything you want to, do it. Want to change the world? There's nothing To it. There is no Life I know To compare with pure imagination. Living there You'll be free If you truly wish to be. If you want to view paradise Simply look around and view it. Anything you want to, do it. Wanta change the world? There's nothing To it. There is no Life I know To compare with pure imagination. Living there You'll be free If you truly Wish to be."

"I still believe and it's pure Imagination, it's so real, I had a dream and it's more then my imagination"

So we took the boys to the park a couple days ago. It was hot and so beautiful out and We were all sitting around so I thought it would be great. Austin LOVES the merry-go-round and the bridge,
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And Aidan kept going up and down the big slide all by himself. It was so cute.
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After an hour I took aidan for a little walk around the park fields. We went to the baseball diamond, I can not wait until the boys play! Then I took him down to a stream of water. Then I walked him across the field to the other side of the park where the vollyball pit was. It was full of sand and Aidan LOVES the sand. We sat there building piles of sand, finally Dustin and Austin came over and we all played in the sand.

Austin has such an imagination! He amazes me all the time! He found a couple of slurppy straws in the sand, yes I know YUCK but I could not take them away and he was only building with them, not sticking them in his mouth and later we would wash his hands so I saw nothing wrong with it! Anyways he called them his friends and he built a HUGE castel in the sand for them. I asked his what their names were and he said, "WallyBumpkins and Papercut" LOL. Here is a picture of them....

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he had a green one and a red and blue one which he stuck together lol. Austin later took the green one home, well it is still in the car lol. He would not let his friend go. Anyways we had a great time at the park, and after we took them to Mcdonalds playland for an icecream cone and fun in the play structure. I will post about that soon and post pictures :)

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Pure Imagination

Phew, I spent today cleaning house, YUCK I can not tell you how much I hate to clean the boys room lol, I find yucky things everytime. So for the past two weeks we have not had any fastfood (lol well because we had no money for it) which is a good thing. I have been eating better and so far for my TWO PEAS Diet I have lost 7lbs, so I am on my way to the 13 I said I would lose in two weeks, crossing fingers. Lisa just reminded me that QVC Creating keepsakes is on so I am watching. It is always fun to watch. I was making the boys hot cocoa this morning and while it was in the microwave Aidan and I were dancing and singing, well Austin tells me "Mom please stop singing, your breaking my ears and the windows" LOL and a little while ago we were watching the three stooges cartoon on boomerang, in the cartoon the stooges are robots and you all know how much austin loves robots lol, well he told me that he is still a robot and told me that his robot tools are in his tummy, that his tummy opens up and that is where he keeps his tools LOL. He is so funny! I LOVE age 4, he has such an imagination

I sold another kit on EBAY last night, it went for $29.99 and I have two more up now going for the same price. I think it makes Dustin so happy to see that I am working hard to help out our family. My mother emailed me pictures from folks trip to my dad's family reunion this past weekend. So I emailed her back and sent her a few of the newest pictures of the boys. Then I was not sure it went through so I called to see. She was happy to hear from me because it's been a couple weeks. I have'nt wanted to talk to her because I had been feeling so depressed with our many problems lately, I knew she would sence something was wrong so I did not call. Well we got to talking and she was checking her blood pressure, she was a little scared because when she was ironing before I called she started to feel heart palbatations (sp) again, she has been having these off and on for a couple months now and has been in and out of the hospital. She will be going to the Doctors on Friday and has been keeping a journal of her blood pressure, she said it was at 182 which is SUPER High. I am very worried about her. She is on some funky blood pressure meds to, that she is hoping to get changed. Well we talked for a long time and she started asking some questions and we started to talk about some of the problems we are having at home. She asked about Dustin's hospital visit a few weeks ago and I told her about that and said we got the $900+ bill that the insurance might pay some of which means we would end up with a $500 bill like last time. Then she asked about Dustin's work, which got into the "Car" problems and how our family car "the explorer" trany went out. Then it was on to the bills talk. By then I was upset and so was she. She was upset because we did not go to them sooner. I told her I just did not want to bother them with our problems, because they are great great people and always want to help. I feel so bad! We are adults and still need help, it makes me so sad to burden them with it. She went on to talk about how they are paying for my sisters med school and helpping her with rent, that they want to do something for us to, so she said as soon as my dad gets home this weekend she would talk to him about getting us on top again and getting our car fix. I am so greatful for the parents I have, and even though the worry we wake up with will be gone, I still have that hurt feeling in my heart that I had to burden my folks with this. I want them to be proud of me, but how can they be proud when, I have to ask for help like this? I let my mom know that us being behind on bills and -$ in the bank is mostly my fault. I should have NEVER gotten the camera from QVC. I thought I could make the $200 payments each month for it, but I have not been ontop of ebay like I wanted to inorder to pay for it which helpped us overdraft two weeks ago and when dustin got paid half of his check went to the camera payment and the overdraft fee. and now this time, was because of the poor communication between Dustin and I and the budget book. He did not give me all the gas slips and walmart slips so I did not know where we were in the book and we ended up overdrafting a few times, the overdraft fees are $33 each time and we have 7 now, so that there and the new camera payment is half of Dustin's pay check and since we have only had enough money for food and gas this month we are now behind on bills and NOW rent is due nect week! So Thank you Lord for hearing my prayers about what we should do and giving me strength to get through this and most of all THANK YOU lord for giving me the parents I was blessed with! I asked you to see us through this and to please help us get through it and you answered! A wise friend of mine told me...

"God has a bigger plan for you than what you can ever begin to imagine, even if it doesn't seem like it right now... He's in charge and as CRAZY as things are right now... He knows what He's doing. right???"

She was right! When things seem the lowest I need to remember that I need to just keep faith that things will work out, that God never gives us more then he thinks we can handle!

Okay I think I am going to start a new post for my park thread lol because it is going to have pictures and a couple stories and I don't want this entry to be a mile long lol ;)

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

My Trees

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I have always been a reader. When I was younger you could always find a book in my hand. I remember being in 3rd grade and loving when we could order books from the bookly reader catalogs. I would take mine home and ask my mom if I could get a bunch of books. I read books like The baby sitters club

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Camp Sunnyside Friends (this was like the babysitters club only at camp lol)

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Fear Street ( read them all, loved this series)

I read alot of Stephen king (even books under is other name), R.L. Stine, Christopher pike, and LOTS of true crime books. I had a few favorite books to, like... indian in the cupboard , The Island of the Blue Dolphins , The house on Hackmen's hill, In a Dark Dark house, Where the wild things are, summer of fear, The Ghosts of Motley Hall, Any of the Amelia Bedelia books, Any Judy Blume, Go ask Alice, Forever, Good-Bye Pink Pig, Are You There God, It's Me Margaret, The Secret Garden, Sideways Stories from Wayside School, Choose your own adventure books, Where the Red Fern Grows, Ghost in the garden, the dollhouse murders, Christina's Ghost, Behind The Attic Wall (love that one!), A wrinkle in time, After the Rain,The Haunting of Cassie Palmer, A Ghost in the house, and many many more that I remember.

I Use to LOVE to read outside, you could always find in the backyard in the hammick reading. Or I would ride my bike to the rose garden and sit under the trees. I loved this, I would either sit up against the tree or lay under it facing up. It was beautiful to look up at the tree while laying there. And listen to all the sounds around me as I read there. I could hear the water in the wishing fountain, I could hear kids playing, I could hear the wind in some of the big redwoods and the smell was amazing! All those roses blooming. I also remember sneaking a flashlight to bed a few times just because I could not put a book down. When I would stay home sick or because of my ED, I would lay in bed all day and read. I remember summers at my grandparents house in Paradise, CA. Grandma Jeanette would take me to the POA and I would pick out books by the handful. They did not have spooky ones so I would read the romance novels like Harliquin. When I was in Jr High I donated a bunch of my books to the san jose rose garden library, well just a couple years ago, I was sitting at my parents house and my mom handed me a letter. When I opened it, It was a letter from a little girl in Africa. She was Thanking me for the book that I donated to the library, see if the library had the book they would send it somewhere else. I use to handmake these book logs (this book belongs to: with my name, addres etc) well that was in the book the girl received and that is how she got my info. I was beyond thrilled!

When I think back to my childhood, reading is a BIG memory I have, that makes me so happy! I LOVE reading now too. I just wish I had more time for it. I love reading books by, Nora Roberts,Wendy Corsi Staub, James Patterson, Mary Higgins Clark, Dean Koontz, Stephen King, Brian Coffey, LISA GARDNER, Patricia Cornwell, Nicholas Sparks and many more.

Here are a couple shots I took of a tree I read under, I can hear the noise of kids playing, the wind blowing the leaves in the trees and smell the smells when I look at them :) So what about you? Do you remember any of the books you read as a child or young adult?

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Saturday, May 21, 2005

A Friend

A Friend is someone
who knows the song
in your heart
and can sing it back to you
when you have forgotten
the words.

Saturday mornings and a day together

The boys and I were up early today, I have most of the cleaning done YAY, and I just finished feeding the boys breakfast ( Brown sugar Oatmeal). I just got off the phone with Dustin who is doing a couple window jobs at a couple local gas stations and then he will be home. We are going to go down town today, where they have this big town garage sale, (yes we have 0 - negative money in the bank so we WILL NOT be shopping) it is a chance for us to get out and walk around and look at stuff. I think it will be sorta like the "Flee Market" we have in San Jose, CA. It is a nice sunny day today FINALLY, it has been raining here for like two weeks, so this is the first sunny day. I also plan to take the boys to the park today, it is just a perfect day outside.

I got another page kit up tonight. I also decided to up my kit prices by $5 now, we can really use the money and they are well worth that, I put so much time and energy into them. It takes me a whole day to make just one kit. The kits makes a complete 12x12 2 page layout, that is great, all the person has to do is put it on 12x12 paper and add pictures. I have seen people who make scrapbook pages for a living for people charge $40-60 just for ONE layout, so they are really getting a deal with my kits. God I pray that I can make a few this week, we just got an email this morning that our car insurance needs to be payed (when we got our tax returns this year we payed it off until June), why is it when you are so far in the hole, stuff just keeps coming? I think I have been encouraging enough to Dustin things are going to work out and be okay for us so he will feel better, it breaks my heart to see him so depressed, but in all honestly I am freaking out inside and am still so worried!

Okay well I need to go get myself in the shower and get ready for our day, Thank you lord for this distraction today, Us getting out will keep our minds off of the stressful things in our lives right now. Thank you for this day that we can just relax!

Friday, May 20, 2005

New start day 1 and 2 (yesturday)

I got up early and cleaned the whole house yesturday, then I spent many hours with the boys. It was so nice. We all enjoyed it! I can't wait for the rain to go away so I can take them outside. It was a great fresh start and I did not get on the computer until nightime so that was good too. Austin went to bed lastnight when I told him to and Aidan was in bed by 7pm which was nice :) I just wanted to say thank you to the ladies who left comments and emailed me, I promise I am emailing back, I just want to have the time to site down and answer you back, without being rushed through it.

Today I woke up late 9:50am and then spent a little time with Aidan (Austin was still sleeping). Dustin came home and of course went straight to sleep. I am sure when he wakes up this afternoon he will go to his dads or something. I was hoping he would say a wake a little while this morning to help with the boys so I could finish this page kit I was working on. I am thinking about moving my scrap area out to the dining room and having my office in there that way I am closer to the boys and can keep an eye on the what goes on out there while I work. I can also be up late using the loud sewing machine with out feeling guilty that it may be to loud for my neighbors. I don't know I need to think about it lol. Or maybe I can just to what I do sometimes and that is take what I need for the kit and work on the kitchen bar, that works too.

Well I just finished cleaning the house, and feed the boys. Austin is on the balcony painting with daddys paints. Dustin is going to gather up some of his model cars and airplanes today so I can list them on ebay, we really need the extra money now! we are in debt $600 right now($231 of that is just overdraft fees from our bank :( (after that damn chargeback case from paypal/ebay that jonnie Bond did to over 50 of us now, it hurt us really bad! I am so glad that all these people are bonding together so we can fight this now, they even went to dateline) ($. PLUS we just got the $988 hospital bill from Dustin's last kidney stone, the bills are starting to slip and the rent is due next week. Dustin is REALLY depressed right now, he has said some not so good things because of it. I am very worried about him! I think I am going to call my parents and let them know what is going on. I don't want to, she have'nt needed their help since we moved here really, but I am very worried about Dustin. Our Explorer is now broken to, the trany went out so all that is left is Dustin's work Truck and that is not his, it belongs to his boss from the window job. It is so hard for me not to just lay in bed and pull the covers up over my head and sleep there all day and wish and pray it all goes away so I can come back out. I have had this on my mind all day. What are we going to do? I am truly scared, I can't remember us being this bad ever. WHY? Well because we were never fully on our own when we lived in CA. Both my parents and Dustin's MOM and partner would help us, with stuff for the kids and food and when we needed it. Now we live thousnads of miles away and don't have that help, we are doing it all on our own, but just dragging by. How long is it going to be like this for us? When will we finally have things right, when will that day come where we don't have to go to bed worrying and wake up with the worry? If I can't get this ebay to work, by finding the time for it and getting more up and selling then I will have to take on a night job 6-11 or something. I am greatful for what we have now! I am greatful we have food for the boys and a roof over our head, I am just still worried. We qualify for WIC and I am going to sign up for it (Thanks for reminding me Mely) because we could really use it!

Okay I am off to finish this kit and then I need to spend 30 minutes on the treadmill.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

chin up buttercup

That is what my best freind use to tell me when I was younger, It was a rotten day today and it is still going on! it is 11:40 at night and Austin is still up and being louder then ever making so much noise he woke his brother up :(, I can't get any work done like this! Late night like this is suppose to be my time and since I need to make my camera payment next Monday I am on a HUGE deadline to finish 6 kits and get them up.

I also want to scrapbook so bad, but can't until I finish these kits. I did get my MOBE stamps today "Pharmacy" font and LOVE them! They look amazing and I can't wait to play with them! I also ordered the "Rock it" font from LM (with GC), can't wait to get that one either.

I ordered 91 pictures for Winkflash this weekend, the 5x7's are only $.29 each there! I can not wait to see them. I plan on scrapping at the end of this month :) NO stop scrapping. And I am going to do another online crop all day with Melissa and Kara. FUN FUN FUN! I told Melissa this time I plan to get everything done the night before, all my paper picked out, pictures and layout sketches. I still have 4 sketches from the last crop to do.

I need to send in a couple layouts to for current calls. OOOOO Okay I so missed Gilmore Girls tonight :( and I think it was the last one of the season :(. But I did see the new Britney show. WOW! Lot's of Sex talk and boy did I see lots of Britneys teeth and up her nose lol. She films most of the show on her Camera and she kept turning it to show her face expressions or when she laughed, and geezzz all the sex talk, WOW! Okay well I am going to try and get at least two more elements done tonight then get to bed. I will post more tomorrow.

Night

Friday, May 13, 2005

Busy Day....

It is 10:30 pm and boy am I tired, I have been so tired the past week, more than normal. I spent the morning cleaning the house and sending emails out to Scrapbook Trends for their holiday call (1 layout "My Christmas Jammies") and my PaperKuts Reject for the pet call (still sad about that one, I honestly don't think I will ever be published in PK, I keep trying and trying and never make it) so I sent "A dog's life" layout to MM's Pet call and to Scrapbook Trends Sept call, maybe it will be published in the "simple things" section?

I also finally ordered my
A million Memories Kit today :) YAY, I am so happy Wendi pointed this Kit club out, it is amazing and the owner Natalie is so sweet! I also Told Melissa about it and her and Kara have now joined. So now I am a part of two kit clubs, LM and AMM.

I am so happy Melissa, Kara and Clarice all went out to a crop tonight, I told Melissa today that it is great that she gets to get out and spend some mommy "alone time" with just the girls. I need to look around here and see if they have Friday night crops, hmmmmm and who knows maybe once this summer We can drive down to Orem and I can go to Friday night Crop with Melissa and the girls. We already plan to meet this summer, I am so excited and can't wait. I just need to see when Dustin's has a little time off from his job's for us to drive up there. We want to go Camping in Utah too, maybe at the Big Lake and hit the
waterpark too. We also plan to go to yellowstone with MIL, Julia and Kate this summer as well as going to silvercities "Ghost Town" Sounds like so much fun! I can't wait! We plan on going home to California too a couple times for Lots of beach time fun! Maybe around Aidan's Birthday in July.

We went grocery shopping today. In lite of my Two peas diet lol, I bought lots of fruit (apples, bananas, grapes) and veggies, Carrots, brocolli, etc. I also bought sald stuff for lunches as well as breaded (not fried) shrimp that bakes in the oven and lemon to go on top YUM YUM. I bought lots of aquafina (my favorite bottled water, I am a bit of a water snob (blushing smiley here) I can not drink sink water, I have to have bottled water and it has to be room temp, I hate it cold from the fridge). Of course I did cheat and buy some nestle oven baked cookies (on sale) chocolate chip and walnuts MMMMMMMMMM. But I can work that off on the treadmill right ;)

I had fun this morning with Aidan, he is starting to talk so much, I mean he has been talking but alot more now. I was gathering receipts where dustin keeps them to add to the budget book and Aidan comes up from behind me and hugs me, well at first I think he is just being nice and hugging me, but then he says "ah bite me" and he bit the back of my pants, crazy boy lol, he likes to play bite and does bite when he gets excited. Austin was never a Biter, he did bite Dustin once and I think Dustin's shock and the yell he made scared Austin out of biting lol. Aidan was just so cute today, I gave him a kiss and said "I gotta kissie" and now he is singing "I kissie, I kissie", this boy LOVES to sing and dance! he LOVES to sing you are my sunshine. I have been singing the sunshine song to him since he was in my tummy, and then I sing it at night for him to get to sleep and now it is so cute to hear him sing it with me. Austin's favorite song for me to sing is Itsy bitsy spider.

I was reading Wendi's BLOG yesturday and read this...

Alright, I am so excited. I did hear back from Ann Silcock and I am thrilled to say I will be making her a scrapbook. I had emailed her telling her i wanted to donate a scrapbook for her amazing family, and to my surprise, she did write back and I am excited to be able to do something for such an amazing family. I cannot wait to get started. If anyone is interested in donating a page for this album, please email me at Wendi@wendispeciale.com.
For those that don't know about the Silcock's, it is truly one of the most inspirational stories I have seen. You can read about it here. Ann and her husband Jim have adopted over 30 disabled children. After watching them on TV, i just felt convicted to contact them and offer something to Ann and Jim considering ALL the giving they do on a daily basis. Incredible, Incredible couple.

SO I emailed her to let her know that I would so LOVE to be apart of this and will donate some pages for this. So she is getting all the info for me and will email me theme, page sizes, etc. I am so excited. I love doing this, I love seeing people so happy and I love to help! This is why every year around July- Dec I am so happy, I love being apart of the LM charity auction, not only making things but helpping Mely and Sara get this up and going, and at Chrsitmas time volunteering my Time to help Mely with the Giving from the heart stuff and talking to all the parents and kids who we help. This is the kind stuff I live for, helpping others, I may not be rich, and if I was I could help out in so many more ways, but I am not and all I can do to help others is give them my time and knowlege and support. Before I got serious with Dustin and we got married and had kids, I had a dream that I was following (this dream is not over, it is just put on hold to follow my dream of being a SAHM and having a beautiful family) I Volunteered my free time at a Convalescent Home close to my house and Job called "Skyline Healthcare Center". I loved talking to the residents and listening to their life stories. I remember there was a woman there named Mary who always let me know how much she LOVED fried chicken and since the closest thing to yummy fried chicken was KFC, I once brought her some chicken legs from there. On mothers day I took a couple single stem roses to the couple of ladies I would sit with, I so loved to hear their stories of life, what they had been through, Love, and of course they would love to talk about their grand kids, There was also this older russian couple, The woman took to me right away, she had Alzheimer's, and spoke very little english, her husband would translate for her and he would tell me about how she thought I was her daughter, but her daughter the way she was when she was my age (I was 21 at the time so 5 years ago). I would sit with them and let her hold my hand or arm and she would sing to me in russian, how I wish I knew what she was singing and secretly wished I knew how to speak russian. After spending alot of time there I decided I wanted to become an RNA. I signed up and paid for the classes, by doing this at skyline I would also be agreeing to work at this place for a year before I moved on to a hospital, it intitled me to learn to move the elders from their beds if they needed changing, all clean ups, feeding some, etc, which I totally would do. Well long story short I decided to put it on hold for my family. When my boys are old enough to be in school I plan to go back to school to be an RN this time, and my dream job is to work in a maternity ward. What better place to work then in a place were LIFE is born everyday! And with precious babies.

Okay I think I have started rambling, I need to get started on a new page kit now, boy it was nice sitting here and remembering all the wonderful people I met at Skyline. I will ttyal. Night

PS. if there is any typos it is because I am sooooo tired andcould not go through and proof read lol

Nikki

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Lot's to say today

I woke up sooooo sick today :( Most of us in the house have colds today, I can't stop sneezing and blowing my nose. I hope this is a really quick cold. I got a phone call yesturday from pauline from the apartment office, she wants me to come in on Friday at 1pm. I have to let her know (since she is the NEW manager and I spoke to the last one about this job) that I can only work when Dustin is home from work or I will have to take the boys to the club house too until he does get home. I don't really need this job, it is just something to get me out of the house for awhile and back in the real world and away from these 4 walls lol (that's what Dustin says). So we'll see how it goes.

I am bummed yet again, I have waited WEEKS now for PK to send out the rest of the Pet calls/emails and they finally went out yesturday and I am soooooooo sad because my "A dog's Life" layout was not picked. It would be just another reject layout but I made this one just for this call, yes I know I have an awesome memory now put down on a layout, but I am still sad, this is one of my favorite layouts :( Atleast MM still has a pet call out, I will submit to them and see if they like it, if not, well at least I have an awesome layout!

I finished my very FIRST holiday layout last night :) I was so happy to finally be done. I had such a hard time with it, WHY? well I am use to using a few colors and patterned papers in my layouts, but with "Christmas" themed layouts you are limited to just a couple colors. I do like the way it turned out though :) Here it is if you want to see... " My Christmas Jammies"

I did my morning reading of my favorite BLOGS, first the scrap blogs and then I went to Pink and Dana's Dirt. Dana linked to a site called MYSPACE, and on her page I found this Cori yarckin page, Cori is a new singer and her CD was on this page, you can hear three of her songs and let me tell you this girl is AWESOME! I can not wait to get her CD now! I have listen to her " Everything you said" song a few times now, lol it's a catchy song! So go check her out.

I received a phone call from Frank today. It was nice talking to him again, he is doing so good with his family and they just bought a new house. I am very proud of him! He was also telling me about their trip to Disneyland. Oh gosh I wish we could take the boys this summer for the 50th anniversary.

I posted two new page kits one ebay ( Kit one, kit two) they are not doing so well, the one I posted a couple days ago did very well, It is my favorite so far. Here is is if you want to see... "spring is in the air"

Okay well I need to go read another chapter in my book and then get started on a new kit, I will be back on later to post my treadmill score. Oh that reminds me I signed up for this weightloss group thing at TWOPEAS it sounded awesome and I even got Melissa to try it with me :) The thread was called The Official {Pubster Diet Contest} It was posted by Heidi Z (she will have diet tips in her blog everyday too YAY lol)posted it. So I have 5 weeks starting yesturday to lose 13lbs ( by June 13th) so wish me luck ;) I am going to start trying to cut down on my soda intake (which will be super hard!) and drink more of my Aquafina.

There is another girl who really insipred me before, her name is Julie N and I came across her "weight loss scrapbook" last year at scrapjazz. I have since seen her post about Weight watchers at Twopeas and she even has a new weightloss scrapbook pt 2 (she just had a baby), anyways here first album insipred me, when I read it It felt like I was reading a story about myself. I could not help but to cry! If she could do it then I can right? I need to start eating better, but how do I start that? What do I pick to eat? WHERE do I start? I need to lose a FEW pounds, I hope to be my goal weight by next year (I want to be down at least 30 pounds by January because we want to try for baby #3 then, this is still up in the air though)


Okay I am REALLY leaving now lol :)

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Just stamp REJECT on my forehead

WOW! Yesturday was a rocky start to this new week. I am praying the rest of the week goes better. I was not on the computer much yesturday, I spent the day working on two page kits so I could get them up on EBAY. Between stopping to help the boys or Dustin I did not finish them until 11pm, so I thought what the heck I will just list them now because we could really use the money, I spend two hours uploading, resizing and using ink frog to list them and when I hit submit there were errors, WHY? Because EBAY had a power outage. My mom says it has been storming in San Jose lately so I guess it could have been from the storm? anyways I finally got them listed at like 1:30am, after refreshing a bunch of times.

I have sent so many layouts and projects out lately and I have'nt heard back from anyone, I think my recent stuff must stink BIG time. I also applied for a couple DT's and found out last night that I did not make one :(

Maybe I am doing all this for the wrong reasons now? I SHOULD just be happy doing layouts and projects for our albums, that is how it use to be for me, until last summer when I got my first "PUBLISHED" Email. After that I started making layouts to try and get published for the calls, which should not be the reason I scrapbook!

I don't know I guess I am rambling, I have been so depressed lately. I think I am going to take a little break from the computer this morning and go read some of the book I have been reading " Jewels of the sun" By Nora Roberts, I love it! It's one of her trilogy book (I am on the first book) about a family from Ireland, when they talk about the the lead guy "Aidan Gallagher" and the way they discribed him it sounds like Colin Farrell :) and the way they discribe Ireland, is the way my mother discribes it every time she goes. My mother is Irish (My father full blooded Italian, so I am half of each), my mother Flys to Ireland 2-4 times a year depending on when she can take time off of work to go, when my mother retires she will be moving to Ireland to stay. My mother has tried to see if she could fly my grandmother (Matilda "Tillie") back to the old country but my grandmother is now to weak to live through a plane ride that long, My relatives in Ireland wanted her to come "Home" to Ireland in her final years. I can not WAIT for my mother to send me some of the pictures she has taken (we are talking THOUSANDS, she loves taking pictures as much as I do ;) ) in Ireland so I can scrap them.

Okay I am off to read a chapter in my book and then clean house. TTYL

Monday, May 9, 2005

Move over Josh there's a new STUD in town

Okay Everyone knows how much I LOVE LOVE LOVE Josh!!!!!! Have for years now, but yummmmmmmm yummmmmmmmm, Is Colin rating up there with Josh in my book of "If I was'nt married, 20 pounds lighter, would I have a chance" book of Men to ADORE. Just look....

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And because I still LOVE Josh and could not leave him out, here are a couple of him ;)

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YUUUUUUUUUM YUUUUUUUUUUUM

Sunday, May 8, 2005

Quick entry before bed

I am up late working on some page kits so I can get them up tomorrow. Austin woke up for a while, I turned on cartoons because it helps him get back to sleep. He can into my room and ask...

Austin- Mommy can daddy buy me a rocket ship?
Me- hmmmm maybe
Austin- If I get a rocket I can fly it to the cheese planet
Me- mmmmm that sounds like fun and like it would be yummy
Austin- Yes when I land on it I can eat it.
Me- wow you would eat it?
Austin- yes I would eat it all
Me- but won't you get full?
Austin- mmmm No
Me- what's is the cheese plant called?
Austin- hmmm it's called, hmmmm like, It's called mac and cheese planet and it's white.
Austin- mommy can I have some cinnimon rolls?
Me- but I thought you wanted to fly to the cheese planet? and eat that.
Austin- yes I will when I go to sleep and dream it. Then Daddy can buy me my rocket so I can blast off to the cheese planet and eat all the cheese.
Me- oooo okay then

He says the most amazing things sometimes! Like today there was a spider "YIKES" crawling on the floor in the kitchen, Dustin was trying to getit, Austin was sitting at the bar, and said he was going to turn on his robot light and get down to see the spider, so he touched his shoulder and made a sound "beep beep" and said it was turned on. I just sat back and watched him, thinking wow I remember what it was like to have an amazing imagination like that. After a while of all of us watching Dustin try to get the spider he finally did. I then watched Austin get back up on the stool at the kitchen bar, I then saw him tap his shoulder again and make a noise "Beep Beep". I asked him what he was doing, he told me he turned his robot light off now that he did not need it anymore. He amazes me everyday! And this boy LOVES Robots :) he builds them all the time with his Mega Blocks, he is one smart 4 year old!

Saturday, May 7, 2005

NSD and a Mother's Day Surprise

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I have been so sad, the past couple days. I seriously feel like I don't matter, that I don't mean anything to my husband. He has a friend named Colby who is married, has a young DD and started their family young like we did. Last week he was here two days and both Days Dustin hung out with him at the mall or running errands, What were Colby's Errands? He was out looking for a couple gifts for his wife, because he wanted to surprise her, Not because she mentioned it to him, not because he had to but because he WANTED too. I can not tell you the last time Dustin has surprised me with something. I bet your thinking WOW she is selfish and vein, but you know what, I'm not! When we were first married, Dustin use to write me letters when he was lonely at work and missed me, so heartfelt with true meaning, every letter would make me cry because I knew he truly meant what he wrote. He use to pick a flower for me when we would go on our walks (I still have the first one he gave me) or even buy me a bunch of flowers from Di Tabla ( Zanottos (the one on naglee) where we both worked and met), send me cards, surprise me with my favorite icecream, or take me out somewhere.

We have'nt gone out anywhere just the two of us in two years, he forgets all the special days like Valentines day, anniversaries, Mother's day etc, things that obviously do not mean much to him (after all FIL is always bitching to him about how they are just hallmark holidays :( ) But they mean something to me! Like today, It is National Scrapbook Day, I asked Dustin all week if it was okay if I took today (saturday) off for ME, to scrapbook and have some alone time, away from the cooking, cleaning, laundry, dirty diapers, working on page kits etc, to just relax and do something for me. He said yes, but of course what happens??? I sat here sketching layout ideas and he comes in telling me how hard he works and how the house looks dirty today, etc, and everytime one of the boys gets into something he yells, which means I have to get up to take care of things. So I cleaned most of the morning, then when I come back here to start working on a layout again, he informs me that he is leaving to the junkyard to find a muffler for his work truck (for his boss), and then going to his dad's to fix it. HE PROMISED me I could have this day for me, yet here I am alone with the boys, cooking, cleaning, laundry and everything I normally do throughout the week, NO ME day after all!

We also go into it this morning about tomorrow being mothers day, All I wanted was a card but right now we are really broke. I understand that, I told him he could make one for me, he said he does not even have money to get his mom something, I just looked at him, every year I AM the one who makes MIL something, he never has to worry about it, was he trying to make me feel bad? I just don't feel special anymore, maybe he thinks I do not deserve a little note of affection or a sign that he loves me anymore.

After all this I was in the kitchen putting dishes in the dishwasher. I heard a knock on the door. Dustin opened it, it was a package. Right away my heart started beating when I read the side of the box, it was from a flower company, I thought "could it be?" could he have been putting on an act and really got me a little something for mothers day, he even joked around and said look what I got you. I was shocked and surprised and felt dumb for feeling the way I did about him, thinking I did not matter to him romanticly anymore, and that is when I saw the card. I opened it and it said " To Nikki, The mother of our beautiful grandchildren, have a wonderful day!" It was from my MIL. I could not help but to cry. My husband has no respect for my feelings and now he just ruined a wonderful moment for me by joking around as usual and claiming this gift as one he was giving me :( Why does he have to act this way, why can't he grow up? He is 25 years old and acts like a freakin child! I WANT TO SCREAM, I am so angry! To me it's like he was mocking me, I let him know how I felt this morning, my feelings and he just laughed in my face and did this cruel thing! Needless to say, I love my MIL, I wish Dustin took more after her! I am greatful for all my MIL has done for us! She truly is a kind soul and I am greatful that she thought of me for mothers day.

Okay now that you all probably think I am selfish and lost my mind I will end this blog entry for the day. Here are some pictures of my Beautiful Lilies my MIL sent me.

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Friday, May 6, 2005

PHEW I did alot today

Dustin is still home because of his kidney stones today, he did pass one and thinks that is it for now, he still has to left though which probably won't fall for a while. He has the next two days off. We both woke up at about 6:30 am, We layed in bed for a while, talking and watching tv, it was so nice, we have not been able to do that since he has been working his three jobs. I have missed that and I have missed him. I fell back to sleep and he let me sleep in until 10:30 am. When I got up I read a few of my favorite Blogs, checked my Emails, I got one form Wendi's site talking about the neat NSD thing that will be up on her site this weekend and I got one from Scrappin Angels about tonight's chat there with Jodi from Fancy Pants designs. I can't wait. I hope to hear who got on the DT at SWG soon, I am dying to see :)

I finished my page kit finally and will be uploading it to ebay soon, I also started two more kits which I hope to finish tonight. I spent from 11am-3pm cleaning the whole apartment, so now I only have lunch to make (Italian Breakfast, Dustin asked for :) and two loads of laundry left. I am so ready for NSD tomorrow, I will be doing an all day crop with Melissa online which will be so much fun, I can't wait. I have been so busy with everything else lately that I have not had time to scrapbook layouts so I will be doing it all day tomorrow and Dustin already said he will be watching the boys YAY :)

Okay I need to go cook lunch I will write more later...

8:43 PM

I listed my newest Kit tonight, HERE it is if you want to look. I am working on two more right now. I stopped to go to The chat with Jodi from Fancy Pants Designs. It was awesome! Jodi is such a sweet gal! She talked about how she came up with the patterns for the lines paper lines out now. She also talked about upcoming stuff that will be out soon :) And it was so nice talking to everyone about our families. Scrappinangels always host these wonderful chats with designers and product Manuf. It's awesome!

Okay I am sitting here with a headache and think I am going to go start a bath and try and relax and read for a bit before I get back to work. I will post again tomorrow for NSD, YAY :) lol

Wednesday, May 4, 2005

Deja vu and some prayers

deja vu

1. Psychology. The illusion of having already experienced something actually being experienced for the first time.
2.
a. An impression of having seen or experienced something before: Old-timers watched the stock-market crash with a distinct sense of déjà vu.

Do you ever get that feeling of Deja Vu? Well I sure did when I received a phone call at 4:08 am this morning. Now I have to say how much it scares me to be woken up that early in the morning, I pop up from my deep sleep to the sound of the phone ringing, as I gather my thoughts and realize what is going on within second my heart starts to beat fast and I panic, WHY would someone be calling this early........if it was not bad news........RIGHT?

I answer the phone and can hear very heavy breathing, it's Dustin, I can tell he is in alot of pain, I ask him what's wrong (in my mind as I wait I am thinking, what could have happened in the last 40 minutes since I saw him? and the last 20 since I spoke to him on the phone (he works the early morning shift at Costco), I called him 20 minutes earlier to let him know that he forgot to turn his alarm clock off and it went off lol woke me up. He seemed fine, laughed at how he forgot to turn it off and then said he loved me but had to go because he was working. So I hung up and fell back to sleep, fast forward to the phone call I just received....

Dustin finally speaks, he says he thinks it's happening again, I say what is happening again? He moans and says my back, the right side of my lower back, it's the stones, it's happening again....

Flashback to a year ago, Here is a post I made at LM last year about what happened to Dustin (the story) . Needless to say the Doctor did tell us Dustin had 4 kidney stones and only ONE passed last year, so The Doctor said they could pass at anytime, for years to come. Well...

Fastfoward to this morning- He tells me he is in so much pain, a pain he knows all to well, He asks me what I think he should do, I said go to the hospital before it gets worse. I run down the line of symptoms, I ask him if he has a fever, if he feels like he may be sick etc. He says no, PHEW I think it is the early stages, so maybe he does not have to go through as much pain as before. He is in so much pain now I can hear him moaning and almost in tears (One thing about my DH, lol he would NEVER make it through child birth, if men could give birth to babies lol, When he is sick with a cold or flu, he is such a drama queen! I am not making lite of this, I am just explaining my husbands behavior when stuff like this happens.) I tell him that he needs to speak to his Boss an explain to him what is going on, that he (my dh) needs to go to the hospital now! I ask him to call me back when he is leaving work. He calls back about 15 minutes later, I can hear more pain in his voice then before, he is now on his way to the hospital, guess what happens?..... The truck runs out of gas, poor guy can't seem to get a break today, thankfully he has a gas can in the back of the truck that is full enough to get him to a gas station. He calls me back about 10 minutes later, I can almost hear the tears and pain in his voice, he tells me he can't make it home to the hospital next door to where we live, that he has to go to the hospital in the next town over. His last words where that he would call me once he was checked in to the ER and things were okay, so now I sit and wait :(

We just payed off last years hospital ER bill with our tax return, because of this (our insurance does not cover ER visits so we pay for EVERYTHING :( ) I am sooooooo worried about him :( He told me to try and go back to sleep but I can't, I am way to worried about him. I am sitting here praying he calls me soon. Please if anyone is reading this or gotten this far will you please keep my DH in your thoughts and Prayers today? Thank you!

Update- 7:04 am

Dustin just called, poor guy sounded very out of it, he said they hooked him to an IV for a while, then gave him meds to take the pain away, they also gave him the screens to try and catch the stones so they can see how many might pass this time. They took his keys away because you can't drive on those meds, my SMIL is on her way there now to pick him up, and later today when he is feeling better he will go to Costco to pick up his other meds. I am glad he got it done alot faster this time, I hate to see or hear him in so much pain. He did say that he got sick a few times while there, I hope he will start feeling better later today.

Tuesday, May 3, 2005

Discouraged

I have felt so discouraged lately, with everything in my Life. I have been so depressed, My daily routine for the past 3 1/2 years has recently changed this past month and now I just don't know what to do with myself. I am lost. For the past week I have spent most of the day in bed or on the couch watching TV or sleeping. I have tried so many times to just sit down and scrap or working on a page kit but as soon as I do I have to get up, I've lost my MOJO. I feel so uninspired. WHY? I think alot of it has to do with making the page kits for ebay, it is no longer fun, it has become a chore now since it is a must, Dustin and the boys are depending on me to make the money from my page kits to help pay the bills and for food and gas money. As is, it usually takes me a whole day just to make one page kit, because I put that much time and love into each kit but right now, now that I am in this funk, it has taken me a week to do a page kit :( I am hoping to finally finish the one I have been working on since last week.

I REALLY want to work on a layout. Speaking of layouts, I went to the PUB today and saw the ST Aug emails were going out, I am sad to say I did not get one :( I turned in a bunch of the layouts I have done of the boys and one of the beach, that was what some of the call was for, I am a little upset but will get over it. I did see the post is up for the Fancy Pants Designs DT call, and On May 6th Scrappinangels will have the owner Jodi there for a nightly chat about it and more info so I thought I would go to that, I know I have no chance at all of every being on a DT like that but I want to at least try. I am going to order some of their paper tonight from LM with some GC I have been saving up, I was going to get the Large set of Mobe stamps I wanted but decided to maybe get a small set and some Fancy pants paper.

I spent the morning Reading Blogs, had to catch up on Dana's Dirt , and Pink is the new Blog and of course a few of my favorite scrappers blogs, cleaning the apartment, I just finished cleaning my book shelf and organized the CD and DVD shelf, now I have some free time so I am going to try and finally finish this page kit to get up tonight (I HOPE) and then sit down and try to scrap a couple layouts......we'll see. I try to come back and post one if I finish. oooo Dustin just came home for lunch and said he is making breakfast for lunch...mmmmmm Potatos and Eggs

5:48 PM

Woohoo I only have my paper piecing left to make for my kit and I am done YAY, Then I can FINALLY start a new layout, My new goal is to TRY and get a page kit up everyday this week, It is a HUGE leap but I am going to try very hard! Okay I am off to turn on my light box and make this pping :) I hope I finish this page kit before Gilmore Girls starts tonight :) I have one hour ;) Okay I better go wake Dustin up from his nap so he can take Austin to FIL'S for a while, then maybe I can get Aidan down to sleep early tonight and WORK WORK WORK :)

Monday, May 2, 2005

Thump Thump, Thump Thump

That is the sound of my son Austin's Heart. He crawls in to bed with me every morning to sleep a little longer, I grab him and hold him, I always plant my head on his chest so I can hear his heart. That same sound I listen to at many Doctors appointments, it still has that smooth steady sound, Thump Thump, Thump Thump. When I listen to it now,it beats a littlle faster everytime you breath in and slows a little as you breath out, I Thank the lord. I thank him for bringing you to me, my first born. As I lay there listening to your heart beat I start to daydream, I dream of your future, who you will be; what you will become. Although it saddens me that you won't be little like this always, won't want to hug or kiss mommy because she has cooties or well because she's mommy, that you won't always crawl into my bed in the mornings, or ask me to come lay with you at night when you are tired and scared, I do sit and dream of the life and man you will become. I like all mothers, want only the best for you! Will you be a good student? Will you go to College?Will you be a Dad someday? Will you be successful in your life's job? What ever it is that you do, I will always be proud, follow your heart and your dreams, You will be somebody! You are special! Unique, you are my first born! I get all of this from our morning routine.... Thump Thump, Thump Thump