Friday, May 20, 2005

New start day 1 and 2 (yesturday)

I got up early and cleaned the whole house yesturday, then I spent many hours with the boys. It was so nice. We all enjoyed it! I can't wait for the rain to go away so I can take them outside. It was a great fresh start and I did not get on the computer until nightime so that was good too. Austin went to bed lastnight when I told him to and Aidan was in bed by 7pm which was nice :) I just wanted to say thank you to the ladies who left comments and emailed me, I promise I am emailing back, I just want to have the time to site down and answer you back, without being rushed through it.

Today I woke up late 9:50am and then spent a little time with Aidan (Austin was still sleeping). Dustin came home and of course went straight to sleep. I am sure when he wakes up this afternoon he will go to his dads or something. I was hoping he would say a wake a little while this morning to help with the boys so I could finish this page kit I was working on. I am thinking about moving my scrap area out to the dining room and having my office in there that way I am closer to the boys and can keep an eye on the what goes on out there while I work. I can also be up late using the loud sewing machine with out feeling guilty that it may be to loud for my neighbors. I don't know I need to think about it lol. Or maybe I can just to what I do sometimes and that is take what I need for the kit and work on the kitchen bar, that works too.

Well I just finished cleaning the house, and feed the boys. Austin is on the balcony painting with daddys paints. Dustin is going to gather up some of his model cars and airplanes today so I can list them on ebay, we really need the extra money now! we are in debt $600 right now($231 of that is just overdraft fees from our bank :( (after that damn chargeback case from paypal/ebay that jonnie Bond did to over 50 of us now, it hurt us really bad! I am so glad that all these people are bonding together so we can fight this now, they even went to dateline) ($. PLUS we just got the $988 hospital bill from Dustin's last kidney stone, the bills are starting to slip and the rent is due next week. Dustin is REALLY depressed right now, he has said some not so good things because of it. I am very worried about him! I think I am going to call my parents and let them know what is going on. I don't want to, she have'nt needed their help since we moved here really, but I am very worried about Dustin. Our Explorer is now broken to, the trany went out so all that is left is Dustin's work Truck and that is not his, it belongs to his boss from the window job. It is so hard for me not to just lay in bed and pull the covers up over my head and sleep there all day and wish and pray it all goes away so I can come back out. I have had this on my mind all day. What are we going to do? I am truly scared, I can't remember us being this bad ever. WHY? Well because we were never fully on our own when we lived in CA. Both my parents and Dustin's MOM and partner would help us, with stuff for the kids and food and when we needed it. Now we live thousnads of miles away and don't have that help, we are doing it all on our own, but just dragging by. How long is it going to be like this for us? When will we finally have things right, when will that day come where we don't have to go to bed worrying and wake up with the worry? If I can't get this ebay to work, by finding the time for it and getting more up and selling then I will have to take on a night job 6-11 or something. I am greatful for what we have now! I am greatful we have food for the boys and a roof over our head, I am just still worried. We qualify for WIC and I am going to sign up for it (Thanks for reminding me Mely) because we could really use it!

Okay I am off to finish this kit and then I need to spend 30 minutes on the treadmill.


  1. Gosh- I know how it is to scrap by. WIC is a great start- we just started using this in the fall- and it does really help with those items.
    I have sold a lot of clothes and things on ebay to get extra money and now am having a yard sale to get a little extra. It stinks living like this- but we do what we can and pray that somehow the money will stretch as far as we need it to.
    I am always here to talk- but you already knew that ;)

  2. HUGS Nikki! Do whatever you need to do to survive! You guys work so hard and I wish I could help make things better.