Saturday, December 18, 2010

So not happy...


This is me, tonight, sitting here in my office with a million things on my mind and to do before Monday, but feeling so overwhelmed with everything lately! I am finally reaching the point where I just want to run and hide, curl up in my blanket on my bed and not come out! I'm depressed! Yep, everything makes me mad or irritated. I can't find peace or a happy place. I find myself waking up in the morning just dreading the day. It's this year "2010" it has sucked so bad for our family. It started out with my FIL's funeral, this was a tough time for our whole family at the beginning of the year, and it seems from there, things just went down hill all year long. We have been struggling hard, and it seems like one thing after another kept hitting our family. I would like to say it made us stronger, but then I would not be here making this post and feeling so unhappy right now. I am tired of feeling all the pressure of what is expected of me, only to have others put me down or look down on me.



I feel like I am over looked, taken advantage of... used! When I voice my opinion to let others know how I feel, I only feel ignored in return, unseen, not there... or like I put my foot in my mouth! I just want to hide, get away from this year...


I wish I could do this for the next two weeks, until 2011 comes, maybe bringing with it a new start, a new year of better things for us. But I have my doubts, so here I sit.....



Depressed, and feeling pessimistic about this new year coming. I wear this face alot lately, I am starting to think I will forever have furrows indented into my forehead and between my eyes...



I leave you with this, so I can get back to my office, with the million things I need to get done...

Nikki

3 comments:

  1. Ohh Nikki...((((((hugs))))) you have no idea how similar our lives are....please know that you are not alone...if you ever want to talk you know how to reach me!

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  2. huge hugs girl! I can relate to every bit of this... with both of us going to school, me having to quit my job for school only for brent to get laid off last month. It's one thing after another............ there are days I don't want to move, don't want to function. Just want to be. be. be. I feel alone most of the time. Know your not alone and if you ever need anything, please feel free to talk... xoxo

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  3. Girl I am *always* here for you, and I hope you know I totally get where you are at - I wish we lived closer so that I could take "that face" out for a coffee and Borders' outing...you and I BOTH need that! :) Seriously, it's SO hard to stay positive all the time when it feels like the rug *continuously* gets pulled out from under you, but I (along with *many* others) know what a wonderful and amazing friend, mom, wife, and daughter you are, and no matter how bad the day, I try to maintain the faith that good people *will* always be rewarded in the end...sometimes you're just put on a detour getting there. :-P I love you bunches dear friend and call or text me if you need anything - even someone just to hear you VENT! xoxo

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