Friday, August 11, 2006

These Eyes

There are times in my life that I stare up at the sky and wonder why my life deals me days, weeks, months even years like today. I often say (joking-ly of course) That I must have been a horrible person in another life to go through the things I have to somedays. I wonder if I was tough, if I did not take crap from others, if I was strong, if I did not let others walk all over me, all the things I am not in this life.

I can look back at the girl I was ten years ago and see "Fresh Eyes" a girl new to the world with so many hopes and dreams, eyes that could not wait to see the future. I can look back 6 years ago and see " New beginning Eyes" a girl who has seen some of the future she envisioned 6 years back, Some good and some bad, but she had strength and could deal with it, she could see a little bit of her future, it involved a boy and a baby on the way. Something new and something scary, the future looked bright, full of hope, full of new beginnings, full of love.

I fast forward 6 years to "present day" girl, she now looks at life with "unknowing Eyes" things all around her have changed. When she looks in the mirror she does not see her eyes from her past, she seems distant, confused, it's a time in her life where everything is changing, some for the good, some confusing, some for the worst, and somethings remain the same, but not much.

In her eyes there is a sense of loss, she seems tired, scared, and feels as if she lost her strength she once had, the person she once was. Who is this girl looking back in the mirror, present day with these eyes? She is one who "girls" and "Eyes" from the past would never know and with that she feels alone. Looking at the world and this life, with alone eyes.

By Nikki

Yep I am in a poop-y mood this week


  1. sorry you are in a yucky mood. life can really get at you at times can't it? UGH. If you need a sounding board, I am here for you.

  2. Found your blog thru LRS, have been checkingin from time to time as I'm agreat admirer of your work. Lived with my dh's mother last year for a while so I can relate to your current arrangements.

    Anyway what I popped into say now is that your posting here is a powerful piece of writing!

    Good luck with everything, things will be better for you in your own place.