Thursday, September 22, 2005

POOPIE! =(

First I just wanted to say I am so happy and proud of my friends who made it on the AF DT, you all did amazing work!!!

now on to my self pity =)

Well I just went to Peas to sit and wait and see if the AF DT calls have started and found out they came and went while I was dealing with this mornings DRAMA. I am a loser! lol loser= "I did not make the team". So on comes the why was I not good enough phase. Well I should have known better since all my layouts and projects I sent in hardly got any Praise when I posted in the gallery, but I still held on to something, hope I guess, I should have just blocked it out of my mind, because maybe I would not be doubting myself right now. Now I am sitting here wondering do I deserve even being on the teams I am on now? My recent work, is it good or does it stink? Am I letting people down that I work for? I sit here and spend hours and hours on ONE layout! it takes me ALL day to do one, sometimes when I look at a layout I have just done I think WHY? on earth did this simple looking thing take me hours to make? I am embarressed now :( I don't know why I am beating myself up about this so much, is my work to much? To plain? to shabby? UGLY? Not hip enough? What is wrong with me? Well I tried my hardest and failed, I guess it was just not meant to be for me! I doubt I even made it in to the 39 or so that they were picking from, I bet I was the first to be drafted, okay you may think I am acting childish now, I totally agree, I am hurt :(, I feel like I have failed, I am sure I will feel better tomorrow, but for now I just want to wallow in my self pity. One thing I am very proud about with my entries is that I stayed true to ME, My scrapbooking, I have always said that journaling is the number one thing I LOVE about scrapbooking, and I used it on every layout I made, so even though my layouts did not help me make the team, they did help me get apart of our lives done for our books. Okay see I am already feeling a little better, and have started to thanks to Mely! I am chatting with her in AIM and she has been great! Thanks Girlie! I am so glad you are one of my good friends! You always know how to make me laugh! Now go read that last IM too, I want those 4 pictures of Princess Dani to scrap book, I NEED to scrap a girl lol ;)

Okay Self Pity party is over ;) Thanks for listening to me whine a little ;)

thinking good thoughts.....My boys......puppies......bunnies......mmmm john mayers yummy Lips..... =)

4 comments:

  1. Just thought I'd let you know about a site where you can make over $800 a month in extra income. Go to this site   MAKE MONEY NOW  and put in your zip code..... up will pop several places where you can get paid to secret shop, take surveys, etc.  It's free.  I found several and I live in a small town!

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  2. Big hugs to you! The right teams are out there for you and you know them when you find them. As for the stupid blog spammers - BLAH! I wish they would get a virus and have their computers crash

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  3. HUGs, Nikki. Your work is great and so are you.

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  4. Hope you are feeling better today, Nikki! :) Thank you so much for your kind words on my blog last night....they are much appreciated!!! :)

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