Monday, July 18, 2005

Horrible day

What is it with Mondays anyways? I wish I could just sleep Mondays away each week. It's be a super horrible day today. To start it off I was up most of the early hours with Austin, he is so sick right now with a stomach bug. It always makes me so sad to see him hurt. Then Dustin got up early to go work his second job. So I got up to read the last 20 pages of my book I spent the whole day yesturday reading (It's a Trilogy by Nora Roberts, about the "Gallagers of Ardmore books are called "jewels of the sun, tears of the moon, and heart of the sea" they are soooooooo good!, so good I read over 200 pages yesturday lol) well I finished that and started the second book "tears of the moon". it was so nice to just finally spend a day for me to relax, well sort lol, I had to stop a million times for the boys, but it was still great.

Okay back to today, well I should have never read to day, I just should have continuted to sleep until aidan woke up. I was so tired from being up so much early morning with austin and then getting up early. I cleaned the house and the came back here to work on a kit for ebay, I really need to get at least 6 kits up this week so I am working so hard here. Between me stopping about 20 times to tend to my sick boy or clean up the puke off the carpet because he just could not make it to the bathroom, and then aidan getting into the fridge every 5 minutes and pulling something out to spill on the carpet, then the 50 phone calls, and trying to sit here an work soooooo tired, it's been a day! Then my husband calls me 30 minutes ago to say he is going to be home after work (which I don't really think will happen :( ) then he is going out to his friends house (the one I don't like because he lies to his wife) for a small party....at 12am (bulging eyed smilie here) he wants to drive home so I can drive him there so I can pick him up when he is done there. Oh and he adds when I am upset about this that his stupid lying arsehole friend whated my dh to lie to me about where he was going (shocked smilie again) um hello, are we back in highschool? this jerk is such a flippin loser! so I go on to explain to my dh that he has work very early tomorrow not to mention he has to help his father earlier then that , and did we not just spend our last $15 on gas for the car (we have no more money until friday when he is payed) and since he has work the next two days (30 miles away so he has to drive that back and forth) that if he does this drives home, has me drive him 25 miles back that way and then drive back to get him and back home that that alone with eat up the $15 he just put in that has to last him the next two days. SOMEONE please explain to me WHY my husband is going through this now? It feels like he is already going through his midlife crisis and he is only 25, yes I know we started our family super young, but I am starting to feel so bad, bad for my kids whos father seems like he can't stand to be home with us when he is here, or who always wants to be somewhere else or at a party with fiends, I feel bad for my husband, I feel like I some how took his life away, yes we were young and I thought we both wanted a family, we were both so happy. I don't understand what is going on lately. Maybe it is me, maybe he hates that I don't look the way I did 5 years ago, maybe he hates that I gained 80 pounds while Pregnant with my first son and have only lost 20 of that. Maybe he hates that I scrapbook (I have tried fixing this by, scrapping when he is gone and spending lots of time with him when he is home). I feel like this change is all my fault. I love my husband so much, I just feel like I am doing everything wrong all the time. I wish I would do things right, to make everyone happy.

I have felt so unspecial lately, not only at home but everywhere. I feel ignored. Okay well I better get off the computer now, My DH should be home soon (I am hoping, he said he would but I never know anymore). And I think I am going to start a bubble bath and try and relax with my new book I started. Here's hoping tomorrow will be a better day :(

Night

Nikki

4 comments:

  1. Nikki honey. .i'm so sorry you're going through a difficult time. . if you need to talk. . i'm here.. . (((HUGS)))

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  2. ugh nikki things don't sound so hot and that makes me sad for you :( I hope things improve- this isn't fair. If you ever want to talk- you know I will listen.

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  3. hugs nikki i hope austin is feeling better, so stressful when the kids are sick. i dont know what to say about dustin ,men lets just say we are definately the more intelligent of the sexes ;) sometimes i think men just dont get it,

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  4. I hate days like that. Don't be so hard on yourself. As much as we'd like to we can't control the husband's happiness. Hugs to you!

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